Channing Tatum Is 'Handsome Steak' & More 'Vow' Critic Giggles (VIDEO)

channing tatumThe reviews for The Vow are in, and it looks like Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum have mad chemistry. And it's a good thing, too. Because to hear the critics tell it, if it weren't for that chemistry, we might start wondering if Channing Tatum is actually just a computer-generated vision of manliness and not an actual human being.

Oh my, the consensus seems to be that Channing is not exactly what we could call an ACT-OR, as such. Poor Channing, what are you doing in this role as a bohemian type in the first place? It's like he's a Greco-Roman wrestler in a movie about Greco-Roman wrestling who suffered a tragic head injury and wanders away only to find himself in the wrong movie, wearing a pork pie hat. And he can't remember where he really belongs!


Sigh. It almost pains me to do this. But I'm sure Channing was paid really well for his role. And besides, reading these reviews is just too much damn fun. 

Stephen Whitty says, "... as usual, Channing Tatum looks sweet and dull and, in most scenes, slightly confused. Perhaps he's trying to remember where he left his shirt as ... he appears bare-chested as often as possible." Newark Star-Ledger 

Richard Roeper thinks Channing's a nice guy who works hard. But ... "what can we say about Channing Tatum ... unfortunately, he has all the range of a 45-year-old shortstop with a pulled hamstring." Richard Roeper & The Movies

And Pete Vonder Haar says Channing sticks out in the movie like a sore thumb: "Whether standing in line with a ridiculous hat perched on his dome or sporting a series of the worst sweaters in movie history, I can't buy this lummox as a sensitive artist type. Maybe a better actor ... would be able to combine soulfulness with rock hard abs." Houston Press

Okay, admittedly these critics are all dudes. But what if they're just envious of Tatum's rock hard abs? What do the chicks think? Well, here's what Kimberly Gadette says: "... he suffers from a decided lack of charisma. It's almost as if he's the actor's version of a trust fund baby who doesn't really need to work, taking on roles with casual disinterest, as if the filmmakers should consider themselves lucky to have him." Doodle OUCH! That's harsh. 

And here's a back-handed compliment from Sarah Stewart: "Director Michael Sucsy deploys Tatum perfectly: A former stripper in real life, his meathead looks cloak a stealth sensitivity. You always sort of expect him to be monosyllabic, and yet he’s surprisingly good with big words." New York Post

Surprisingly good with big words, wow. Good job with those big words, I know they were really hard. Like your abs. Harder maybe, even. Can you imagine someone saying that about Gary Oldman?

And here's Alison Willmore, making an apt comparison between Channing and food: Delicious and not alive. "Tatum is like a very handsome steak ... He just isn't expressive enough an actor to carry all of Leo's pining and heartbreak ..." Movie Line

So there you go. Looks like Tatum could maybe afford to spend less time at the gym and more time with an acting coach. ACTING! But at least he's got those big words down pat.

What do you think of Channing Tatum as an actor?


Image via Sony/YouTube

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