Love  &  Sex

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    After enduring months of planning, family drama, negotiations with vendors, dress fittings, and all other manner of high points and headaches, it's no surprise if a bride's head is spinning by the time her wedding day actually arrives. Hence why it is imperative that loved ones do everything they can to help her relax and enjoy the special occasion. Unfortunately, that's rarely how it plays out!

    Whether it's due to nerves or simply a lack of filter, people have a way of aiming inappropriate remarks and questions at the bride on her Big Day.

    Maybe you're a guest in need of a tip or two, or you were that besieged bride and could use a laugh! Either way, here are 10 things never to say to a bride:

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    What really turns women on? Is it really all those qualities we're fed as being attractive? You know the usual suspects: a wide-toothed grin, captivating eyes, a sparky sense of humor, bulging muscles, smarts, the ability to look jaw-droppingly handsome in a crisp, collared shirt. Those are the obvious things that get us hot and bothered, right? Sure. But maybe not exclusively ...

    Because while those may be what makes a man sexy on the surface, it's a different ball game once he's your husband. As I settle into life as an "old" -- okay, older -- 30-something married lady, I've opened my eyes to a new kind of turn-on which has very little to do with my husband resembling a rom-com's dashing lead and more to do with him resembling ... a dad.

    More specifically, my husband changed his very first diaper recently. And I have to tell you, it was oddly ... hot.

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    You love your partner, right? But what would you do if you were suddenly given the chance to trade him or her in for the upgraded 2.0 version? You know, the kind of mate that writes you poetry just because, never forgets a birthday or anniversary and somehow has a fully prepared meal waiting for you on the table every day when you get home?

    That's actually one of the questions raised by the new movie The One I Love (release date August 22 -- today!), a sci-fi/rom-com hybrid about a couple that on the brink of separation agrees to go to a country retreat recommended by their therapist (Ted Danson) in a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.

    What they don't know [WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD] is that in the guest house on the property, each partner would encounter basically a clone of their spouse, but one who embodied the traits they thought they wished their real-life partner actually displayed.

    And that’s when things get interesting…

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    Before my husband slipped an engagement ring on my finger and popped the question, I knew I wasn't going to take his last name. My reasoning was two-fold: One, there are no boys in my family, and two, I just didn't like the idea of getting rid of the name I've always had -- it sort of seemed like I was erasing my old self.

    Here's my thing, though: I didn't take my husband's last name but I didn't keep mine, either. I hyphenated.

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    After months of dropping hints, visiting jewelers, and quizzing your soon-to-be fiance on your ideal engagement ring, the first time you laid eyes on the diamond he chose, your heart sank.

    While you still wanted to marry him (of course), your once-in-a-lifetime moment was marred by a rock you immediately wanted to exchange -- and he probably felt terrible. What could have prevented that disappointment?

    Enter the placeholder ring: a fake engagement ring to wear until the "real" ring is found.

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    There is a new kind of food fight out there, married couples, and it doesn't involve the throwing of apples or oranges. It's "hanger." And it's real.

    Have you ever been with your husband at 2:00 in the afternoon on the weekend and all of a sudden, apropos of nothing, he's just PISSED?! For us it happens when we have fed the kids, but there is nothing left in the house for us to eat and both of us are too lazy to grab take out. Like clockwork, the Hulk makes an appearance.

    "WHY ARE THE LIGHTS ON AGAIN?!" my husband might scream out of nowhere, his usual polite demeanor becoming a distant memory, veins bulging in his neck, face red. If he were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of his ears. For years, I have wondered what was wrong with this man.

    Now I have an answer: He was "hangry."

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    Ready for the most obvious piece of non-news you'll hear all day? Here goes: straight women are not having orgasms during sex. Shocking, right? A new study has confirmed what most heterosexual women have known since the day we lost our virginity: just because we're doing the deed -- enjoying it, even -- doesn't necessarily mean we're sealing the deal at the very end.

    I want to blame men. Really, I do. Because, gosh darnit, why is it that they don't know the vagina inside and out, despite the fact that several women I know wouldn't be able to point out the clitoris to you on a diagram? While I agree that any man who outright refuses to give his women oral sex should be rounded up and shipped off to vagina boot camp, I think we're lying to ourselves if we don't admit that WE are the sole reason we can't orgasm 100 percent of the time.

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    Weddings are not only expensive and labor-intensive, but they also have a way of bringing out the most raw and intense emotion in almost everyone involved. For that reason, most brides-to-be go into damage control mode from the minute they're engaged, trying to keep the peace with everyone leading up to the Big Day -- most of all, their fiance!

    But stressful situations are bound to arise and can occasionally bring out the ugly in both partners. No sane bride would ever fan the flames when that happens, right? Well, believe it or not, some couples are doing exactly that -- on purpose -- by having a shadow wedding.

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    You know the old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater"? People use it all the time without a lot of thought. Well now it looks like they may have been right all along.

    In a recent survey of 484 unmarried 18- to 34-year-olds, people who say they cheated in one relationship are three-and-a-half times more likely to report being unfaithful again in another relationship. In other words, they tend to be repeat offenders. But here's what's even scarier: They aren't the only ones who get in a bad rut in that scenario.

    People who were cheated on are also more likely to be betrayed again in their next relationship. And believe me, I can relate. So why does this happen -- and what can those of us who have been there do to break the cycle?

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    A writer from the New York Post recently confessed that she loves summertime because it allows her to wear fewer articles of clothing, enjoy the hot sun -- and be victimized by a bunch of guys on the street who think nothing of catcalling, whistling, and calling her "sweet boobs."

    Okay, I made that last part up. But yes, the attractive writer did admit she enjoys "wolf whistles" because they send her "ego soaring." And maybe I need to be easy on her -- perhaps she's fearlessly stating something that is a fact for many straight women: we enjoy the attention of men. To her credit, she separates the "good" catcalls from the "bad:" it's one thing for a man to call a woman "beautiful," and quite another to call her out for having a "big rack."

    Only she's missing the point here. Catcalls aren't about US. They are only for the benefit of the men who shamelessly resort to using them.

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