Has someone ever handed you a greeting card that struck just the right sentimental nerve to make you tear up or laugh out loud? They’re great, aren’t they? The good folks over at Hallmark and American Greetings are always touching on some kind of emotion, hence why the card aisle is such a giggly/sighing/awwwing time suck. A simple effort to run in and grab a birthday or anniversary card becomes a study in lost hours. At least for me, anyway.

Given how easy it is for card companies to capture the magic of just about any occasion under the sun—engagements, new pets, dental surgeries—it only made sense for some industrious web whiz to come up with zingers to express the awkward and sometimes debilitating emotions that go along with a divorce or breakup.

I'll readily admit that -- like most women in America right now -- I'm engrossed in E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. No shame here! Knowing that it began as Twilight fan fiction, I can't help but envision Christian Grey as RPatz and Anastasia Steele as KStew. But a'course, unlike Twilight scribe Stephenie Meyer, James is actually giving us what we want: A whole lotta SEX! Whoohoo! Unfortunately, just like her, she's made a dangerous misstep when it comes to the romance between her leading lovers.

Although Christian is ultimately a three-dimensonal, sympathetic character, he's also described repetitively as mercurial. Ana can't keep up with his ever-changing moods that blow breathtakingly hot to bone-chillingly cold. At least through most of the first book, Fifty's mysterious nature and hair-trigger mood swings have Anastasia walking on eggshells, petrified that he's going to snap. And this is somehow supposed to be ... sexy as hell?

Ladies, don’t you hate that creepy old guy in the bar (COGB) who leers at you, sidles over, arches his brow, and asks for your phone number? Dude, you’re 30 years older than me! Wha the--? Part of this is biology, I reckon. Men are probably wired to continue planting their seed into fertile ground for as long as possible, despite embarrassing themselves. But Hollywood doesn’t help matters. The latest is Hugh Grant, who wants to revive his sexy cad role from Bridget Jones's Diary.

The stereotypical excuse of "Honey, I have a headache"? Ha! That's the least of most ladies' issues when it comes to getting turned-on. We all have different reasons that prohibit us from making time for lovemaking, but there's one HUGE issue many women have on a recurring basis. Now, research has even proven it.

Some sexy researchers in the Netherlands had their straight female subjects check out some good old-fashioned porn. And they found that our brains are so focused on the fact that we're aroused that they start ignoring all the little details of what we're looking at. Maybe kinda like how you start defaulting to that speed-reading method you learned in grade school while reading Fifty Shades of Grey? So you can just absorb the hottest parts?

I’m not secretive at all about my dislike of strippers or strip clubs. I would all but hatch an egg if my man went to one, and I have no desire to cough up money myself to sit in a roomful of hormonal women and drool over some big ol’ greasy, oiled up man named Wild, Wild Wesley dressed in leather chaps, a gun holster, and a cowboy hat. And be expected to fork over a cover charge and a handful of my hard-earned singles in the process? Puh-lease.

There’s nothing sexy to me about a dude man-twerking in a leopard-print G-string and a pair of boots. For one, it’s unmasculine for a guy to dance and prance about in his glory and for two, it’s just kind of cheesy—washboard abs, big package, and all. 

There are some women who use their entire dating lives to figure out the kind of fellows they absolutely will not date. He can’t have this. He shouldn’t do that. He has to make X amount of money, have a certain kind of education and be at least yea tall to get any airplay. I am not one of those girls.

But nonpartisan as I am, my adventures as a single gal in the city have hipped me to some dudes who just will never make the cut. Like the guy who asked me out for lunch, then proceeded to shake me down for my views on abortion and the death penalty before he revealed that he was looking for a wife. I’m pretty sure he meant that afternoon. He was scary. 

We've all been there. We've all wanted to believe that the guy we're kinda into isn't what he seems to be: a player. It's easy to fall for a player - they're always saying the right things at the right time. Players are often pretty irresistible, which why they behave the way they do.

In order to help you decide if your guy is a player, here are some things you should look for ...

We all like porn. Let me rephrase that: We all like porn if we're guys. As for the rest of us? Well, we like it too, coy as we may be about it. Whether we sneak a peek online when we're bored or use it as foreplay for those super steamy nights, a lot of us out there are looking at pornography. Come on. Admit it.

But the whole thing can turn ugly when a little porn habit becomes more than just a fun way to spruce up your sex life or pass the time once in a while.

Is your man a porn addict? Are you? Take a look at the following signs of a pornography addiction and see if any sound familiar.