POSTS WITH TAG: marriage

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    A friend of mine used to always say, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

    She would typically make this proclamation after she'd finish telling me about the spa weekend she'd booked for a getaway with her sister. She'd reiterate her theory after she'd describe the latest fabulous date night she and her husband shared.

    She certainly seemed happy and so did her husbad. Apparently, she was on to something. According to a Rutgers University study published in the October issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family, a man married to a happy wife tended to have greater overall satisfaction with his life regardless of his own feelings about the marriage. 

    And just why is that? As Rutgers University sociologist Deborah Carr explains, an unhappy woman is going to let you know about it.

    "They tend to register their discontent," she notes, "while a man might be more able to brush off the ups and downs."

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    When it comes to your relationship, are you a lover or a fighter or a loving fighter or a fighting lover or ...?

    The reality is every couple has a "fight routine," and how you and your significant other disagree can ultimately determine your long-term compatibility.

    "When it comes to fighting, the bigger question is: Are you mismatched? Can you bridge the gap in your fighting styles?" says Laurie Puhn, author of Fight Less, Love More and creator of the online virtual couple's course based on the book.

    In other words, if you and your partner have divergent disagreement patterns in place, you might never reach a resolution when you fight unless you make an effort to understand each other's default squabble setting and learn to work together toward a solution.

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    Whether it's because they're feeling awkward or just plain old at a loss for words, people say some crazy things to newlyweds! It's almost as if, faced with a couple who has just vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, they can't stop themselves from delivering cliches about marriage up the wazoo! Many of them downright offensive, by the way.

    Granted, many times, people are speaking from their own (often negative) experience when spouting their kookiest gems, so maaaybe we need to give them a break.

    But if you're that loved one without a filter, maybe you could also use a tip! And if you're that newlywed barraged by inappropriate platitudes, you could probably use a laugh. Here are 10 things never to say to a newlywed. Take note, Aunt Edna!

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    In the early part of my relationship with my husband, I was DEFINITELY the jealous sort. If a girl got within five feet of my then-boyfriend, I was ready to throw down. More than one near physical fight was averted by my boyfriend dragging me into another room and talking me down.

    To be fair, he had given me reason to be jealous. My then-boyfriend was all about "casually" dating me and several other women at the same time. By the time we committed and he was only dating me, my trust was not exactly high.

    Even given those facts, my jealousy was out of control. Back then it would have been hard to imagine that I would someday say I liked when other women noticed my husband or that I enjoyed it when women asked if he has a brother or called him a "catch."

    But sure enough, more than a decade after those fits of rage, that's exactly what I feel. So go ahead and ogle my man. It makes me happy.

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    Sex is a huge part of all of our lives anyway you look at it. Whether you are getting it (or not getting it), we all think about sex an absurd amount. But not all of us are doing it right.

    Oh, I know, we THINK we are. Like Mel Brooks once said: "Sex is like pizza. Even when it's done bad, it's still pretty good."

    The fact is, most people over-think sex. There seems to be this popular notion out there that you need to have everything just right -- the right toys, the right mood, the right music -- just to get a little nooky. In fact, the whole thing could be greatly simplified with just a little creativity and ingenuity.

    It's just sex! With that in mind, we trolled the Internet for the best sex tricks that don't require a major investment of time or money. We found 10 sex hacks so hot, we know EXACTLY what you'll be doing tonight. And that's the idea.

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    If you are like most married people, you have told your spouse a little white lie (or four) about money -- "No, honey! That shirt was on sale" or "Yes, dear, I got that bonus this year." We all have different reasons for doing it, but the fact is most of us have been dishonest in some way, from the tiniest of fudges to the biggest of whoppers. When it comes to marriage, George Washington would be ever so disappointed.

    But why do we do it?

    "[People] feel guilty about their spending and debt and try to hide it from their spouse," says Sandy Arons, a certified divorce financial analyst. The problem, of course, is that it almost never works. "Typically the spouse finds out about it at some point and feels betrayed. The trust in the relationship is compromised."

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    Oh those handsome, silly Disney princes. We grew up falling in love with them as little girls. But now that you're an adult, have you ever thought about how dysfunctional and weird those guys were?

    BuzzFeed recently brought several Disney princes to life to see if any of them would make a good boyfriend. Nope! They wouldn't. Each and every one of those princes is bananas.

    But dating is one thing. The whole point of the fairy tale is you're supposed to actually marry the guy and live happily ever after. What would THAT look like? We dared to imagine, what if Disney princes were real and you actually married one?

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    We already felt horrible for Janay Rice, wife of NFL running back Ray Rice, who was beaten to the point of unconsciousness by her husband in February. Shocking video of that attack, released this week by TMZ, has resulted in Rice's termination by the Baltimore Ravens and an indefinite suspension by the NFL. 

    But we are even more concerned for Janay, who married the athlete one month following the beating, after she issued a statement through her Instagram account Tuesday morning defending her husband. 

    While we feel compassion for victims of domestic violence, it's incredibly difficult for those not walking in their shoes to understand why they often share in the blame and, even more upsetting, why they choose to stay in the relationship. 

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    There comes a time in every relationship when you argue about something. If you never do and have been married for more than 10 years, please spill all your secrets now. If you do face the dreaded argument, know that you're not alone and there are right ways and wrong ways to fight.

    Those wrong ways are what could end up filling you with resentment, anger, and issues that are difficult to work out. Nobody wants that. So in the interest of a lifetime of happy anniversaries, I consulted with Rebecca Wong LCSW, personal coach and counselor, who has helped many get through the rough patches in life.

    "What's important is not what we disagree about, but how we disagree," she said.

    Wong offered 7 tips for fighting the "right" way to help couples avoid the downward spiral during a dramatic argument into relationship damage -- or, worse, divorce.

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    There's a popular myth out there, perpetuated by many women -- including the latest by Jessica Simpson -- that husbands "love us at any size." It's true. They do.

    Simpson recently said about her husband Eric Johnson that "he has seen me at every size and he loves me no matter what." Sweet words, right?

    But love is something you give a puppy, a child, a close friend, even a brother or a sister. LOVE in marriage is all tied up with those emotions, PLUS a kick of lust to keep it interesting. So does he lust after you at any size?

    I don't know.

    Okay, okay, before you all pelt my head with tomatoes, I'll say this: LOVE is one thing. Yes, we love our spouses. Terribly, passionately, insanely. I would die without my husband and can scarcely sleep without him by my side. That would be true whether he were 200 pounds or 500 pounds.

    But would I lust after him at the much heavier weight?

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