POSTS WITH TAG: erotica

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    For an advertisement meant to promote safe sex -- arguably one of the greatest ways a person can pass time on a random Monday night -- you've got to admit condom commercials are usually pretty stale. You can count on no hands the number of times you actually sort-of see folks doing the deed while we imagine they're wearing whatever condom is being promoted, and it sometimes seems like the company does everything it can to avoid even mentioning the S-word. 

    Leave it to a bunch of sexy, easygoing Australians to make the absolute best condom commercial you'll see -- and then blame another group of Aussie partypoopers for banning it. Boooo!

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    Ah, the great penis size debate. Whether you think length matters or not, men are always going to have their own goods -- and, apparently, those belonging to every other man in the country -- on the brain. One condom company decided to take this issue more seriously by tracking the number of people in each state who purchased their small, large, and elephantine-sized condoms (I made that up, I have no clue what they call condoms made for absurdly well-endowed men). The results are ... odd. And totally unpredictable. 

    But just in case you're in the process of looking to relocate, you may want to keep this list in mind. Here are the top 10 states where men with the biggest penises reside.

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  • Eye Roll

    5 Things Most Women Prefer to Sex

    posted by Lisa Fogarty November 18, 2013 at 8:15 PM in Love & Sex
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    Sex is kind of like cookies. When you've just been to the grocer and your pantry is well-stocked with sweet goodies, you can wait and wait until late in the night to grab one because, eh, whatever, it's there if you want it. But the minute you run out of Nutter Butter's, dammit, it's all you think about. 

    I'm going to assume the women who filled out this British survey about things they prefer to sex -- and there are five of them -- have absolutely no room left in their cupboards for cookies. There's simply no other way to explain the lameness of some of their preferred pastimes. 

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    When you live in cramped quarters -- which basically means any apartment building in any city you can think of -- you get used to hearing many sounds made, mostly unknowingly, by your neighbors. You can listen to them argue. You hear them flush their toilets while you apply your makeup in the bathroom. When they have loud parties, which I hope for you only happens around the holidays, you grin and bear it because lord knows your friends are anything but quiet after a few cocktails.

    But one woman in Chicago decided enough was enough after having to hear her awesome and sexually satisfied neighbor do the deed a little too loudly. So she did something that has never worked for any person living in any apartment ever and left a nasty note on her door. And it didn't end there. 

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    The women in a small town in Colombia were fed up because the one road that led them to the nearest big city was in total disrepair. It was so bad that it took up to 14 hours to reach their "local" hospital and there were even reports of pregnant women dying in the ambulance on their way to give birth. Community board meetings and red tape, be damned! These women took matters into their own hands and did the one thing they knew would spur their men to take action and fix the road: they banded together and agreed to withhold sex until the job was done. Conniving and manipulative? Maybe. But you can add "effective" to that list because their protest, called the "crossed legs movement," is working like a charm.

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    Ah, the mile-high club. Some of us are members while others of us wouldn't dream of getting busy in a germ-infested flying capsule. But regardless of where you stand on having sex on a plane, we can probably all agree that the only "appropriate" place to actually do it is either in that godforsaken 2x2 bathroom or under the privacy of enormous blankets -- and that last exception only applies if you're in first class and far, far from your neighbor. 

    But not everyone agrees that plane sex needs to be private. Christopher Martin and his wife Jessica Stroble got so hot and heated on a trip from Oregon to Las Vegas that they either couldn't walk two feet to the restroom or thought it would do their prude cabinmates a world of good to witness their love. So they had oral sex right there in their seats -- and now they're paying big time for their actions. 

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    Let's face it, ladies, Christian Grey of Fifty Shades of Grey has made millions of us rethink our marriages (myself included). But do billionaires who barely work, have erotic sex, lavish you with expensive goodies, and make sure you're never cold, hungry, or un-swathed in designer duds really exist? If they did, would we want them?

    I gave this one some serious thought (frankly, I spent WAY more time thinking about Christian and our possible future together than I should have). I came up with a parody on what it would REALLY be like to be married to Christian Grey -- you know, a couple kids and a decade or so down the road. These eCards are based on that piece, because let's face it, everything is more enjoyable on an eCard.

     

    Image via JenEcards/The Suburban Jungle

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    There is nothing like a man who can handle his tools. And when one of those tools is a vacuum cleaner....(fans self).

    This is one Hot Dads Doing Chores episode I can relate to, because my husband does 95 percent of the vacuuming. I mean, we have one 3-by-5 rug in the entire house because the rest is hardwood, but still...he likes vacuuming and will happily do it when the rug or furniture need it.

    The funniest part of this is how well the video guy vacuums, and what he does while he's doing it. Are you following me?

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    When a video starts with a hot guy in the shower and then gets better, you know it's worth watching.

    The scene in this episode of Hot Dads Doing Chores opens on an extremely good-looking man rinsing off. The camera lingers on his well-developed chest and muscular arms, and we even get a little glimpse of booty as he towels off.

    And you guys? That's not even what makes him incredibly attractive. It's what happens next. Let's say he knows what his woman needs...and he delivers. Check it out below:

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    Former adult film star Jenna Jameson has taken to twitter, accusing her Ultimate Fighting Champion ex Tito Ortiz of domestic and drug abuse in the ongoing fight for the former couple's twin sons. Because nothing is more appropriate than taking your private beef with someone to twitter, right?

    Ortiz has denied the allegations, saying Jameson is lying and that he thanks people for respecting his privacy. Privacy? Really?

    These two have been at it for years and the people who suffer the most are not the former couple, but their two young sons. One would think they would be able to pull it together and at least pretend to be adults when it comes to the boys, but I guess not.

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