POSTS WITH TAG: divorce

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    When you start all over after a divorce you get a lot of misinformation about what's out there -- and what you deserve. After I split with my husband of 16 years I was almost certain I'd just spend the rest of my life single. I was ready for that. And it's because of everything I was hearing about dating and relationships after divorce. I have to say, the landscape looked treacherous from where I stood. But maybe I was listening to the wrong voices? It turns out, when it comes to finding love again after divorce, it's not as complicated or difficult as you'd think. Forget the unhelpful noise you hear -- like these 5 bits of popular wisdom.

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    Gwyneth Paltrow took her whole divorce announcement into her own hands and published a statement signed by her and soon-to-be ex-husband Chris Martin on GOOP. We were all going to gossip about it anyway, so I applaud her for taking control of the situation as best as she could and putting it out there on her own terms. It was a great yet highly under-read explanation of conscious uncoupling by experts who really had many good points to supply all of us (divorced or married) introspection within the post. Then Gwynnie mentioned her gratitude in another post before she got into the nitty gritty of leftovers.

    Chris Martin has stayed quiet for the most part, speaking only through GOOP and Gwyneth. Until now.

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    Finding out that your spouse has cheated on you has to be one of the most devastating gut punches a person can experience. It doesn't matter if things were rocky already, or if the unsuspecting party had no clue there was trouble in paradise -- it's a betrayal in its most intimate form.

    So you got emotionally knocked flat on your back by a confession wrought after you uncovered some suspicious texts or receipts, or maybe even a sheepish unsolicited absolution of guilt. Well now what? What is the right thing to do when infidelity enters a marriage? Will you be a shmuck if you stay? Are you throwing the baby out with the bathwater if you go?

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    Once upon a time, I was a happily married lady that would never, ever, in a million years get divorced. The D-word was not even in my vocabulary -- it wasn't even an option. Because only selfish people got divorced.

    Isn't it funny how we get certain ideas in our heads sometimes about acceptable behavior? I've always been of the mindset that women should be "one and done" when it comes to domestic violence. If a man hits you in anger, you have every right to walk away, head held high. But without that, you need to stay put, because marriage is sacred.

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    You guys. Tori Spelling has sent us a sign. A BIG sign. A sign that she and Dean McDermott might be able to work through his little cheating problem and save their marriage after all.

    Are you ready? You might want to sit down.

    You see, Tori stepped out wearing her wedding ring. Yes. You read that right.

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    More sad news in the world of celebrities "consciously uncoupling." Twilight actress Nikki Reed and American Idol musician Paul McDonald are splitting up.

    The couple, who married in October 2011, have been living apart for months, according to People.

    "After much consideration, Nikki Reed and Paul McDonald are ending their marriage," Reed's rep told the magazine exclusively. "They have been living separately for the past six months due to work obligations." 

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    Hindsight is 20/20, right? In the months leading up to my divorce, I was spending a lot of time trying to figure out if I could survive a life outside of marriage, or would it be better to just concede and continue being the good wife I always had been? It had already become very clear that the husband was happy with the status quo and unwilling to make any changes.

    One day I finally admitted out loud to my therapist, whom I paid to not judge me for expressing such things aloud, "I think I feel like I already have one foot out the door." He gently suggested that given the feelings I had shared with him, it sounded like I had more than "one foot out of the door."

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    Recent buzz would have us believe Khloe Kardashian is holding out hope of reconciling with her estranged husband Lamar Odom, and has even gone so far as to start building a basketball court in her new home. But let's hope that's all totally false, and she's completely through with him, because the latest rumor is a dealbreaker if I ever heard one.

    Lamar allegedly shared a raunchy phone convo with his ex-girlfriend and baby mama Liza Morales upon returning to NYC after his stint playing basketball in Spain went awry due to injury. According to an insider in In Touch, "He got dirty with Liza over the phone, acting like he wanted to hook up with her again."

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    Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't discuss this very much because she's a pretty private person, but I am her doppelganger: Her shorter, poorer, darker-haired, less-fabulous doppelganger. You see, I do everything first, and then she does the same thing only better. I was born a year before she was. I had my baby a year before she had her first. I spatchcocked my first local, organic chicken a year before she did. And I separated from my husband a year (and a half) before Gwyneth Paltrow separated from her husband.

    Just like everything else, Gwyneth's "conscious uncoupling" is already so much better than anything my ex-husband and I could ever come up with. How does she do it? Man. If you're looking for the ultimate aspirational separation, take out your bespoke stationary and fountain pen and take notes.

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    For nearly 11 years of marriage, I thought I had the wife thing down pat. I was by no means perfect, but I loved being a wife, and I tried really hard to be the best one I could possibly be. I had shelves filled with books on how to be a better wife, how to pray for my husband, how to survive difficult marriages ... I actually thought I was a stronger, better person for staying married despite some very serious challenges.

    A lot of the advice I sought out on how to be the best wife possible went something along the lines of "show love to get love." No husband wants a nagging shrew of a wife, right? To make my marriage work, I just needed to be the best wife I could possibly be, and my husband would be compelled to love me back.

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