How To Do a Lap Dance

The Stir Bloggers

In a quiet suburb of Indianapolis, Indiana, women like you and me are gyrating their pelvic regions, throwing their clothes around the floor and learning the stripper bounce that ends with a booty smack. They're in lap dance and pole dancing class taught by Lindsey Truesdal, a 25-year-old wife who started her own company.

I'm from Indiana, so I was wide-eyed when I read this article in the Indianapolis Star.

People in Indiana don't do lap dances. Or at least, that's what my mother told me.

But lap dances are everywhere lately--even Hugh Jackman gave Barbara Walters one in the clip below.

I wrote about Carmen Elecktra's pole dancing a few months ago. Sure, you could buy one of these Elecktra-Poles for $97. But times are lean, so we asked an expert to give us sexy dance moves can only require you and a chair.

Georgia Payne, co-author of How to Be a Dominant Diva, assures those of us who are shy: "You can do it. It's a good way to mix up things in the bedroom and stretch your sexual boundaries."

Other benefits: "You'll also work up a sweat and burn calories. Plus, sexual encounters relieve stress."

Now, let's get down to risque business. Here are Georgia's lap dance how-tos. (Dear Mom, Please don't read this--or maybe if you do, I don't need to know about it.)

  • Be prepared. Give him a stack of one-dollar bills. He will love touching you while tucking money into your undergarments.
  • Set the stage. After the kids are sound asleep, sit your man down in a high-backed dining room chair. The dining or living rooms are surprisingly sexy places to do a lap dance.
  • Dim the lights. Florescent bulbs are not our friends--they show every dimple. Try low light to build confidence. Candles are even better and may make you feel more like Pamela Anderson and less like Janet Reno.
  • Strip down to your skivvies. Peel off your sexiest jeans and a t-shirt right down to your best bra and underwear set. Bonus if it's see-through.
  • Shake it. Move to the beat of the music. Turn around and let him admire the view from behind. Circle your hips as you turn the other way. Remember to maintain eye contact, and give him your best "come hither" stare.
  • Get naughty. Slap your bottom once in a while for good measure. Try not to laugh. Then put your legs, one by one, on both sides of his lap. Grind down on his pelvis. Whisper whatever you like--preferably unprintable--in his ear.
  • Go for privacy. Ask him if he'd like to go to the "back room" for a private dance. What you do and where you go after that is up to you.

Is it getting hot in here?

Meanwhile, I found some lap dance songs in the questions section on CafeMom.

Would you do it? Have you done it? What do you think about giving your man a lap dance?

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