Do You Co-Sleep With Your Husband?

Cynthia Dermody
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husbands and wives on different sleep schedules

Photo by InFaNtRyWifWHIT

Earlier this week, Cafe Michele Z told us of one great perk from the recession -- many couples are having more sex! I just have to wonder when and where they are doing it, because numerous CafeMoms complain their husbands or boyfriends don't go to bed at the same time they do.

I'm lucky. My husband and I LOVE to sleep. We do it at every opportunity, which, unfortunately, with full-time jobs and two little kids is not as often as we like. We can't wait till we're old and retired so we can take two naps a day: One right before the Price Is Right and the other before we head out the door to catch the early bird special so we can be back home and in bed by 8.

But a number of moms in the Marriage and Relationships group are frustrated with being out-of-sync with their husbands' snooze clocks. Here's how they tell it ...

"My husband always wants to go to bed late, around 11:30, or even later if I don't say anything. I would like to go to bed around 10 at the latest. I just hate going to bed alone."

"My fiance likes to stay up really late, and my sleep is very important or I am not a very nice person the next day. Occasionally I will stay up with him on weekends to watch a movie."

"My husband goes to bed earlier than me because he has to get up at the crack of dawn most days of the week. And he HATES going to bed alone."

It seems some moms don't have a problem with this, and say it's important to learn to fall asleep alone. Others suggest compromise -- here's a really good one from MrsAlmeda:

"My fiance and I have had this exact same problem. It resolved when we had a huge (unrelated) blowout and I moved into the basement. Then all of a sudden, he realized that it sucks knowing that your loved one is choosing not to come to bed with you.

"He still stays up every once in a while, and I don't bug him about it. But if he knows I've had a bad day or whatever, he'll come to bed when I'm ready to knock out. I think you have to look at why he's up late. If the game's on, well, it's not very reasonable to ask him to just turn it off and come to bed, especially if he doesn't need to get up early.

"Another thing that helped, was having him get up early with me so we could enjoy breakfast together as a family. Maybe if you made the mornings more attractive to him, he'd be willing to start getting up earlier, and consequently get sleepy earlier.

"But my biggest piece of advice is this: Pick your battles wisely. You'll need to decide how much bedtime means to you, and if it's really a battle worth fighting in the grand scheme of things. Remember you don't have to win every battle to win the war. Just the big ones."

Do you and your SO go to sleep at different times? Does this bother you? Do you think it's bad for your relationship?

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