Low Self-Esteem and Sex



happy couple

Photo by AdrinaBabyMama

Last summer, in Relationship Questions, Notlott37 asked: How would you know if a man sought you out for sex because you had low self-esteem? The responses were pretty much the same -- the woman with confidence doesn't give herself to men so easily (and men always want sex). 


Anonymous wrote: "The person with the low-self esteem carries themselves differently than a woman with high self-esteem. Women with high self esteem walk and talk with confidence, they have standards (moral and physical), they do not fear rejection." Studies have even shown that women with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors compared to women with high self-esteem, while in men it's just the opposite.


Does self-esteem affect your sex life? How?

body image, self esteem, sex life


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auror... aurorabunny

I have had many guys tell me that they are more attracted to a girl with high self-esteem who is sure of herself than they would be to a girl with low self esteem, even if the one with low self esteem was more physically attractive.

I think sometimes women with low self esteem think that if a guy wants to have sex with her that he wants to be with her which we all know isn't necessarily true at all.


Toddl... ToddlerBrain82

I completely second what aurorabunny said... she took all the thoughts right from my head, LOL!

roxcr... roxcrawford

I am married and have low self esteem and could care less about sex. Any suggestions???? My husband is a great guy but gets upset cause i don't care anymore  We have 2 great girls 2yrs and a 5mo. But yes low self esteem does affect sex.

djksin djksin

I am with you, roxcrawford, I have a wonderful husband who is so in love with me after 15 years and I feel like I am giving him a bum rap because I could care less about sex and I know it is because of my weight issues and low self esteem. I have been blessed with a husband who is so devoted to me because I know a not so noble man wouldn't be as understanding. I actually have to reassure him that it is me and not him.  So if anyone has advice I would love to hear it.

kayna... kaynadjaysmom28

I think I got a low self esteem. I don't see myself pretty unless my husband say so, or other  people say so. Then I say '' thank you".

cynde... cyndersoot

I think I have the opposite problem.  My fiance doens't want to have sex .  He always has a reason (excuse) why not.  First it was that he was too tired from work, then he had no job and it was cause he was feeling down (low self esteem) now he has a job and he blames it on the mattress and that he has a back ache.  Although these might be real reasons I have been wondering whats going on cause we all know men always want sex.  It is always on their mind. Now I want sex and he keeps turning me down.  We have been together for 16 months and living together for 10 months.  We have known each other for 13 years. We used to do it a few times a week.  Now it is more like once maybe twice a month if I am lucky. HELP!! any in sight??? Suggestions??

k1ndra k1ndra

I am in the same situation as you cyndersoot. I always want sex and my husband always has an excuse. We have been married a little over 3 years and have a 19-month old little girl.  Any suggestions anyone?

momof... momof1in2002

I have the same problem.  I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he has lived with me for 8 months.  We used to have sex a couple times a week now I am lucky if it is once a month.  He is always tired, or his back hurts or he don't feel well.  Now I should mention that I am 26 and he is 40.  We get along great and I have a child and he helps raise a child from a previous relationship he was in. (no the child is not his).  I am starting to feel like it is me or do guy really not want sex as much as they say.  I know he isn't cheating or anything of that nature but I need serious help.

Daisysun Daisysun

I am having low self esteem right now because of the difficulties I am having but I still appreciate making love with the person I am with there are times when I don't want to if I am feeling frustrated or whatever.  Venting helps and when we communicate well then I usually feel in the mood again.

littl... littlejeter08

Im really confused about the relationship i have with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost three years, we have been living together for 2 1/2 years. During my pregnancy he started telling me that Im not the same as when he met me, but he would always tell me he loves me and that I am beautiful no mattter what. Now he still tells me that Im not the same, but the beautiful has not been around for a while. I fear that my low self esteem is causing our relationship to come to an end. I've been working out as much as i can, and eating better than ever, but I feel he cant wait the few months its gonna take me. i dont know what to do, i feel that im going crazy and i am scared as hell. he does everything for me to make me happy, but im not. I have absolutely nothing without him, he works his ass off for the three of us. Am i worrying too much, or should I start preparing myself for the worst?

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