Great book when you
have time for sex.
Lots of CafeMoms have similar situations. Some of our partners work away from home, like semiwife's hubby who is a truck driver. Other moms work nights, while their honeys work days. Still others are on the same schedule but between work, kids, the dog and Facebook, there's just no time for nooky.
Here are some tips from Dr. Laura Berman from her book, Real Sex for Real Women.
- We think we can do it all. Sometimes it's hard to relax because we're packing lunches, answering emails, or writing mental to-do lists. We have to figure out how to relax to get into the right mood. This may take a little time each day--or at least each day you'd like to have sex.
- Put sex on your to do list. Really. And then do it first. If you're the kind of person who likes to make lists (my hand is raised, I'm a list addict), you're more likely to have sex if it's in your head and your plans.
- Sleep more. When you feel more rested, you feel less stressed and more sexy.
- Make more time for yourself. This isn't easy, but it's crucial. If you feel rejuvenated, you also feel more frisky. Exercise is most helpful. A brisk walk, even digging in the garden will get your heart pumping and your hormones flowing. Take a few minutes each day to breathe deeply and quiet your mind. These are surprising ways that make you want to do it more.
- Stop waiting for things to be perfect. It's not the most romantic idea to have a quickie in the bathroom while the kids are watching Wonder Pets. But hey, sometimes it happens.
So how do you get yourself in the mood? And when do you manage to make time for sex?
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Comments 13
Honestly, what I do to get in the mood is to think about being in the mood all day. I don't force the issue, but I think about how nice it would be to share that with my husband when he gets home, after our daughter goes to bed... whenever it fits in the day.
As far as mood goes, nothing gets me in the mood so that doesn't really apply. I have a very low sex drive, always have and nothing has helped that. My husband and I have just learned to live with it. We are intimate in other ways instead of simply sex. There is a lot more to intimacy than sex and some marriages can survive without regular sex.
My husband works out of state as well. When he is home, if we have sex, fine. If not, it's not a big deal. It's been about 3 months since the last time and he's been home a lot more this year than last year (about 6 weekends).
I have no sex drive period, and my husband just doesn't get it. I think that he is the one with the problem not me. There is so much going on in our lives the kids, keeping the household running, bills, work, then we're going to be relocating in a few months .................where is there time to think about and have sex? I mean he thinks about it or makes a comment about it every single day. Once you tell someone that your not up to it, or not in the mood for it, or that your not feeling good they should just back off. He will then say nasty things to me like lash out at me to try to hurt my feelings like a kid does when they can't get their way thinking that will make me want to give in. No not at all. I just really get turned off. Example (He'll say things like .........you gave it to everyone else (in the past he means when I was younger) now thai your married to me I don't get any). Not true. I was younger then, and married twice before and that's what he is refering to. My gynecologist said this is a normal thing that women go through and I see that women here are posting about the same thing so I see it is normal. Thanks for asking this question.
I agree with the above post...it's one of the first things that gets bumped from my list, but it's important to my marraige and after the fact, I'm always glad we too the time to do it. DH and I say to each other "you are on my list today"- which ins't romanitic, but still fun. Heck, if there's nothing good on TV, one of us will say, "so you wanna go have sex?" Again, not romantic but for this phase of life, that's OK with me.
I am always in the mood! My husband and I both have a very high sex drive so we make love every night. And we have been together 5 years! We go to bed at 9:00 every night....that is "our" time! We talk, snuggle, and reconnect with each other....and it always leads to us making love. Sometimes we do it in the mornings or the afternoons when we aren't working. "Making time" has just never been an issue.
Usually we wake up early in the morning or in the middle of the night. I'm pregnant and so, naturally, I'm exhausted but this is one way we squeeze it in.
thanks