After so many years together, couples don't always remember to say "thank you" or to make gestures that show appreciation for their spouse, and in turn, one or both partners may feel slighted that their efforts, work, and commitment are ignored and unappreciated, notes Raymond.
"The guy makes the travel arrangements and fixes the oil leak in the car before they go on a weekend trip, but his wife doesn't notice or comment," she elaborates. "He feels bad, and when he can't take feeling invisible any longer, he attacks her. She did the packing and the food preparation. He hasn't thanked her or commented on her thoughtfulness and foresight. She is crushed and attacks him when she is at her bursting point. These events are daily occurrences that fuel perpetual fights."
You'd think the solution might be as easy as trying to show one another appreciation, but it's about more than that. "Both have to do things because they want to rather than to try to impress or get noticed," Raymond explains. "But alongside that, they both need to talk to each other about all the times they felt invisible as kids and how hard they tried to get their parents' attention. Empathy will then oil the wheels for a better understanding of each other. When both have not been seen and acknowledged as kids, it's hard for them to do it for each other. So they have to make a conscious effort to SEE the other, not just want to be seen."