Husband Makes Spreadsheet of Wife's Worst Excuses for Saying 'No' to Sex

married sex A Reddit user's post has gone viral this week after she revealed the Excel spreadsheet her husband sent her when she left for a business trip. In it, he details the entire month of June into July and the myriad excuses she gave him for not wanting sex. Assuming this is real and not some Internet hoax, it's pretty shocking. And it's also hilariously astute.

She used the typical reasons for turning down sex -- I'm tired, I have to be up early, etc. But she also had some inventive ones -- I'm still sore from last night's sex (REALLY?!), I feel "gross," and I'm watching TV (a Friends rerun).

People are divided over whether the husband's spreadsheet documenting her sex excuses is manipulative and crass and whether the wife is ruining her marriage with her frequent denial of sex. Any married person will tell you: We don't OWE our spouses sex, but we also kind of DO. Sorry. It's the truth. And it's not just me saying that. Experts agree.

More from The Stir: 20 Excuses Women Use to Get Out of Sex With Their Husbands

Dr. Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, says women need to find a way to satisfy their husbands ... or else.

"Women are way too naive about sex," says Tessina, who is known as "Dr. Romance." "How about finding ways to say 'yes' to the guy you love and only turning sex down when it's really necessary? 'I have a headache' is a Victorian concept and doesn't work."

It's the truth. Here's the spreadsheet that poor man was reduced to making:

sex spreadsheet

The problem, as I see it, is this: Women often view sex as a chore. Believe me, I get it. I have three kids, and after a long day of working, dealing with them, walking our dog, and trying to squeeze in five minutes of "me" time, the LAST thing I want to do sometimes is satisfy my husband's needs. But what about OUR needs? Sex is fun for women, too. We always seem to forget that.

"Women can get themselves in the mood, and they need to learn how," Tessina says. "If wives want to stay married, they need to learn to say yes. If a woman turns her man down over and over, she shouldn't be surprised when he leaves or cheats."

Her advice might be hard to hear, but it's worth following. Competing sex drives can cause marriages to break up. Half the time it seems the problem is not drive so much as level of desire. Women need to find ways to get into the mood. So how do we do that?

It's simple: We think about sex. We make it a priority. This is something men do easily for some reason, but women need to learn to do it, too. Have that fantasy while you are driving the car pool. Think about Bradley Cooper naked on top of you and enjoy it. Remember a particularly hot sexual encounter and roll it in your head while you prepare dinner. If you make sex a part of your thoughts, it will carry over into your actions.

Of course, it's not ALL up to the women. "Men need to learn how to motivate women to have sex, not just demand it," Tessina says. A man who expects a quickie with little work on his part needs to understand that it's different for women. We need some revving.

Ultimately, a marriage will be a lot better when both spouses find a way to get excited about sex together and make it part of their regular routine.

"Sex is an important part of marriage," says Tessina. "If you're not having sex, you're not married -- you're just roommates."

Do you have enough sex? How do you get yourself into the mood?


Image ©iStock.com/Olga_Danylenko

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00NoW... 00NoWay00

It's not a problem in my home. My husband is often the one who has to beg for a "night off" ... LOL :)

linzemae linzemae

There's always 2 sides to a story. I think it's pretty childish that he made this and that it has went viral.

linzemae linzemae

And I'm sorry but asking for it daily would get so damn annoying. I'd say no just as much as she did if my husband was on my ass that much.

JS0512 JS0512

It's not a problem in my house either and I don't think I've ever turned him down (together over 8 years) and he's never turned me down.  But it's HER fault this went viral.  Should he have made the spreadsheet?  I don't know.  But SHE posted it to Reddit.  He was just trying to show her the track record.  Maybe there was an argument where he felt it was happening to infrequently and she felt like she was always saying yes.  Here it's in black and white.  Like it or not, sex is usually a HUGE part of a relationship and it will be the downfall of it if you can't reach a common ground.  

Mrscj... Mrscjones

I agree with him and I don't understand why everyone wants to blame him or call him immature when she posted it. My husband don't have that issue either.

tbruc... tbrucemom

She posted it so I don't see why he's getting any of the blame for that. Now either they don't know how to communicate or he has tried to communicate and it didn't work so he came up with the spreadsheet idea. She's either feeling resentful toward him and is being passive aggressive by denying sex, she's not enjoying it for whatever reason (maybe she doesn't find him attractive anymore, lack of foreplay, she's realized she's gay, etc.), she has a boyfriend, or there's something medically wrong.

nonmember avatar Kristi

A 17 day gap!?! She is just about a born again virgin!!!

youth... youthfulsoul

I'd be pissed too if I'd been rejected that many times in a row with flimsy excuses. 

nonmember avatar krystian

I'm sorry, but my husband's wants and needs cam come AFTER, I am well rested and my infants are sleeping through the night again.



Until then no sex for him. And he is okay with that.

the4m... the4mutts

Bullshit. I hate that there are women who still advocate "owing" sex to your husband. I don't OWE anyone MY body, and nobody owes me theirs.

This man was immature as hell for making this list, and I think he needs to grow up.

My husband and I have a good sex life. But I would be a flat out liar if I said we never hit stale points, or rough patches in the last 6yrs.

Every marriage does at some point. You do not fuck every day for 50yrs, then die. There are phases, and they are natural. If my husband made a list like this during a stale patch, he would be waiting a lot longer than he had been complaining about!

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