I've dated a bunch of guys over the last year as a newly single mom and inevitably the conversation gets to sex. And as a sex columnist and writer, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to get insight into what men think is the biggest turn-off in the bedroom.
Well. Let me just say that not only were the answers pretty much consistent across the board, the turn-off was something that I would never have thought would have made the list in a thousand years.
But worst of all, a lot of women do it. Including you.
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Both in my research for the sex book for parents I wrote awhile back and in my own personal "field work," the bedroom turn-off guys have mentioned the most is a woman's shyness in the bedroom.
And I get it.
I mean, the last thing you'd want in a guy would be for him to hide under the covers or begrudgingly take off his clothes. Wouldn't you wonder why he was so incredibly timid?
And let's be honest here. I've been with guys of various levels of attractiveness, and the one thing they all have in common (for the most part) is that they are not shy, even if they might have a reason to be.
Plus, when did you really care about the little bit of love handles?
Well, guess what, ladies, you're turning your men off with your lack of confidence. The jumping under the covers, the quick dash for the light switch: All it says about you is that you're uncomfortable. And that's not really very sexy.
Now look, this doesn't mean you suddenly need to become an animal or a dominatrix. But maybe you should think about how you're responding and reacting to your partner.
If there's anything I've learned in speaking to men and women about sex over the years, it's that women are their own worst enemy. (I'm a woman and I include myself.) The stuff that you're saying about yourself and thinking about yourself is not what that other person is saying or thinking at all. You are creating a narrative about your feelings about your body or about your sexuality, and you're putting that on your partner.
And look, if they actually are saying that stuff, well, you shouldn't be having sex with them.
What I've gleaned most about dating again over this last year is that a confident woman who's comfortable with her body and her sexuality is hot, no matter her size, her shape, or her weight.
So stop being embarrassed about who you are and have some fun!
Are you shy in the bedroom?