How to Tell Whether He’s Lying & Cheating – It Worked for Me!

how to tell if your man's lying

It's crazy how being in a relationship with a person we don't trust can turn us into a low-rent version of Sherlock Holmes. Micro expressions could be the key to figuring out if your man is cheating. The only problem? They are almost impossible to detect. But you can find them -- I certainly did.

On the surface, my ex-boyfriend was a dream. He was the kind of guy your dad would clap on the shoulder upon meeting, liking him instantly. He made my mom giggle like a schoolgirl. And my mom? So not the giggly type. Even my girlfriends were in his thrall. Me? Well, for the first year we were together, I just felt so lucky that this charismatic, secure, hunky dude picked me that I never thought to second guess his intentions.

A year into our relationship, once I was on steady ground in terms of his feelings for me (or so I thought), I began noticing things. It was nothing major, not one thing I could point to, but the mood around us changed. We were living together at the time, and there were days when it felt like I was sleeping with a stranger. Eye contact isn't for everyone, sure, but my guy treated every warm smile I tossed his way like it was something awkward -- he wouldn't look me in the eye. When he did manage to, he'd chew his lip and cock his head, and sometimes he'd sniff. It was strange. It had me worried.

I got the unsettling feeling that he was wearing a mask. We would eat dinner and I'd look up to find him frowning. Was it something I'd done?  I'd ask him what was wrong and he'd blink rapidly almost like there was something stuck in his eye. "Nothing, I'm fine," he'd say.

I'm a pretty open person, and I don't think I gave him any reason to be fearful around me -- but that's how he was acting. I tried talking to him about it, but not in a direct way. Most of the time I came across sounding like an insecure girl, and I hated being made to feel that way. His weird behavior around me only made that feeling worse.

It was the blinking that actually did us in. No, I don't have insane, blinking standards or anything. I just noticed it more and more. "Hey, how was your day?" I'd ask. "Oh, boring," he'd say, blinking like he was trying to send me a code. I actually suggested he go to the eye doctor -- I though he had legitimately overly-dry eyes. Because I'm an idiot.

One night when he got home and darted straight off to bed, I sat down and opened my computer. I took a breath and typed: "Boyfriend blinks rapidly when I ask him questions." I'm embarrassed that I did it, but not embarrassed with the results.

The crazy-girlfriend Google search led me to the term "micro expressions." If you aren't familiar, micro expressions are the tiny flickers the face makes that indicate a person is uncomfortable or stressed out. The big way of spotting them? Look for asymmetrical movements, like a quick twitch of the lip. Another big reveal: the eyes. Blinking more than usual? Very common -- and very telling.

If you want a guy to confess that he's been sleeping with a married friend of yours for the entire duration of your relationship, wake him out of a dead sleep and start yelling at him about micro expressions. It worked a treat. The bottled-up fear that something was wrong certainly didn't hurt either.

Since then (in addition to licking my wounds) I've been fascinated by body language. There's the obvious stuff, and then the deeper stuff like micro expressions that tell so much more about us than we even realize. Are they just feelings? Are these micro expressions real? Celebrity life coach and micro expression expert Sloan Sheridan-Williams told us:

Yes very much so. Are they easy to misinterpret. Again, yes very much so. Micro expressions are one aspect of recognising emotions but the whole body transmits thoughts, desires, fears, emotions, and intent sometimes without the accompanying micro expression.

Bottom line: Even when you can't spot a micro expression, when your gut tells you something's up, trust what it's telling you.

Have you ever caught someone in a lie?

 

Image via pinkypills/Corbis

cheating, commitment, dating

12 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar cherrypop84

My man usually bites his bottom lip or repeats the question I asked him to stall for time. He won't look me in the eye and his lips get tense and he mumbles or speaks lower and faster then usual...

nonmember avatar Sara Ann

Why do I get the impression you had a few too many glasses of wine when you wrote this one ;)

D.j. Lord

maybe they should try this on the az mom who left the kids in the car for the job interview..who has now turned out to be not unemployed or homeless..still waiting for the stir to post the truth on that one

Julia Saenz

Im going to guess this article was written by current divorcee Jenny Erickson.  Yes everyone has their own tell, but counting every blink wink and reflex is ridicioulous.  If you need more validity for your reasoning to count your gouys every blink and wink take a gander at the assumed author of this articles situation.

berit berit

Julia- I am so anti Jenny but she would have already written some stupid article about how relationships after divorce make her reevaluate her religious stance or some such crap.

I definitely believe body language can be a reliable way to tell if someone is uncomfortable or trying to conceal something.

nonmember avatar Rave

Easiest practice would be kids. As a mommy and the oldest of five, figuring out lies is one of the many things I do. My siblings...yeah they can't lie to me anymore. Course we all have that same slight expression when we lie. I'm currently learning my son's little expressions. He's a play innocent type, tries to be all cute. My husband gets quiet and annoyed if I think he's lying. If you watch people enough, you can tell.

nonmember avatar tay

U will have to look it up but in my criminal physcologey class I learned that if u watch the eyes carefully when asking questions they will give the answer by which their eyes shift if they look down n right they r thinking of a lie when they look up n left they r remembering

Railr... RailroadGirl

My husband rubs his thigh or his right cheek. My oldest and youngest sons voices go down an octave and gets this look that only I notice in their eyes.

kayba... kaybayblee3

Mine will look away or raise his voice to get his "point" across.

nonmember avatar Jena

I tend to bat my eyes alot but I have severe anxiety. I would hate for my husband to read this article and think I was lying to him or hiding something from him because I have always been honest with him in everything.

1-10 of 12 comments 12 Last