3 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

coupleYou've found your soul mate, you've been together for a while, and you feel like you're ready to take it to the next level. Maybe even marriage -- eek! Is he the prefect life-long partner for you? Wouldn't we all love a crystal ball to show us exactly what to expect from a man in the future. I've known women who fretted over doubts all the way up to the altar who went on to enjoy long, fulfilling marriages. And I've known women who were 100 percent sure of their man only to find out they'd ignored some pretty important red flags along the way.

The thing is, sometimes a red flag looks a little, well, gray. And chances are there might be something about your man that makes you wonder a little. But you kind of want to just give him a pass because you don't want to be hypercritical -- and because you really love him, dammit! Sometimes those little things can turn into a big deal later on. Here are 3 red flags you're better off facing right now, before you let things go any further.

1. He's not that into sex. Okay, some of you may consider that a plus. He never pesters you to have sex. If you're not in the mood it's never an issue, and you never feel pressured. Except ... come on, a guy who never initiates sex? Who never brings it up? Who never tries to seduce you? You need to look into that, because it's definitely atypical.

There are many reasons why a man may not seem interested in sex. He could be gay, he could be depressed, he may be getting some on the side. Whatever the problem is, you'd better uncover it before making a commitment to this guy because it's almost always an indication of a bigger issue that's just going to blow up in a much worse way later on.

More from The Stir: 12 Reasons Your Man Doesn't Want to Have Sex Anymore

2. He's moody and deals with disappointment and stress by sulking, or drinking, or eating a lot. This touches on two things crucial to a long-term relationship: Emotional resilience and healthy coping mechanisms. If he lets the little things get to him every time, that's a problem. How your boyfriend "does life" matters a lot.

We all have our ups and downs -- we're human. It's how we respond that matters. There are healthy ways to deal with stress (talking, exercise, meditation, breathing exercises) and there are unhealthy ways (stomping and slamming doors like a toddler, withdrawing for hours, getting high). You want to make sure he can see past the frustrations of the moment, that he has faith in his ability to solve problems, and that he can get back up and keep going when he's knocked down.

3. He's a lone wolf with few friends who feels largely misunderstood by the world. This has a romantic allure -- only you truly understand your man! You're both that special. But there's a dark side to this personality type that could undermine your relationship down the road. Everyone should have at least a couple long-term friends. That's a sign of loyalty and empathy.

Even artists with eccentric vision find people to connect with. You want to see your man connecting with others in a positive way because it shows he can work as a team -- and marriage is a lot about teamwork. Plus, you cannot be anyone's sole life line. It's unhealthy to be anyone's "everything." Hello, codependent relationship!

Just because you're finally facing a relationship deal breaker doesn't necessarily mean it's over between you forever. Maybe it means your guy needs to get help so he can get to a place where he can truly commit to you. Helping him face his issues is the most altruistic, selfless way to love him, whatever happens.

Are there issues in your relationship you've ever regretted ignoring?


Image via Ocean/Corbis


commitment, dating


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Mrscj... Mrscjones

I have no long term friendships. Yet I'm loyal and not co dependent. And what if the person they with aren't into sex like that. Since when does gender means sex is the most important aspect of my life. The other one yea that's a sign for problems ahead.

hopea... hopealways4019

@Mscjones...agree i have no long term friendships..but im loyal and independent. Good friends are hard to fine.

Milliese Milliese

I wish they came labeled, I think mine is depressed, he won't get help;(

Mrscj... Mrscjones

@Hopealways4019 Very true.

the4m... the4mutts

When Im mad, I withdraw for hours. Why? Because I dont want to scream, yell, say things I don't really mean, etc. There is nothing wrong with taking time to cool down before facing a situation that pissed you off. It's very healthy if you know you're the type to overreact.

307mama 307mama

You have described my ex husband.

Verginia Dominguez

How To Avoid Break Up


All Is Here Follow as at

MrsLa... MrsLandon2012

My ex boyfriend was definitely numbers 2 and 3 but completely the oppposite of 1. He was the one I lost my virginity to and would literally make me do it at least twice a day, if not more. I went four years thinking that's the way all relationships were until I met my husband who has a normal sex drive. My ex made me HATE sex. Fortunately my husband is amazing and makes sure I feel loved, cherished, and respected!

nonmember avatar Chris

Pay attention to #1 ladies. Now going on 5 years in sexless marriage. Staying for my children for now, but it's no picnic.

nonmember avatar S

My boyfriend whom I lost my virginity too loved sex at first. It was kind of like MrsLandon2012s situation, at least twice a day for at least the first year. Now it's basically once every 3 months. Ever since I found out he has a serious porn addiction and moved in with him it's put a huge roadblock between us in terms of communication and sex.

You did miss one very important relationship red flag. If he says he's depressed or wants to kill himself- dump him faster than you can think of what to say to him next. Guys that say they are depressed or suicidal just want to get you under their finger and use you. Run for the hills girls!

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