5 Pain-Free Ways to 'Fire' a Bridesmaid

How to Fire Your BridesmaidYour wedding day. It's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. You've met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Most likely, you've been planning for a year or more. You have a perfect vision of how the whole thing will go down. But there's one problem, one hitch in the grand affair that could ruin everything: You have to fire one of your bridesmaids.

Yeah. It's awkward. And you can't exactly hand her a pink slip and go about your business. I mean, you could. If you were a monster. But we're going to assume that you aren't. So how did this even happen, where did it all go so wrong?

When you started planning your wedding, you couldn't imagine doing it without her. She's that friend you've known forever, and while you haven't always seen eye to eye and have gone stretches of time without speaking to each other, you're blissed out on love and you want her to be part of that. Until the actual planning gets under way, that is.

More from The Stir: 6 Bridesmaid Disasters & How to Solve Them

Then, through a series of misadventures, you realized your mistake. She's impossible to get a hold of, she didn't buy her dress in time, she makes rude remarks about the groom, she is being more of a Bridezilla than you'd ever dream of being. Whatever the reason, the only solution you see? Asking her to bow out. But can you do this without ruining the friendship altogether? Can you guys weather the storm? Using these 5 tips, you totally can.

1. Be Polite

Nine times out of 10, these things can be solved with good manners. If you speak to your friend politely, you nip the problem in the bud. "I'm so sorry, but unfortunately I have to ask you to step down as a bridesmaid." If she asks for an explanation, give her one. But be thoughtful and as polite as possible. Don't do it over email; pick up the phone or, better yet, see her in person. This lets her know that she still has value to you as a friend whether or not she's in the wedding. 

2. Give Her an Out

If you can't stomach actually axing her (and you really should), be passive-aggressive. "Man, you seem so stressed lately -- are you sure you still want to be in the wedding? It's really no big deal to me, I just want you to be happy." Give her a chance to quit; she might take you up on it! But be fully prepared for this to bite you in the butt.

3. When in Doubt, Demote

If it's possible, rather than kick her out altogether, tell her that her role in the wedding is changed. Offer her a position manning the guest book or doing a reading in the wedding. Less worry for you, less dress shopping and embarrassment for her.

4. Blame Your Budget

"Thank you so much for agreeing to be my bridesmaid. It means so much to me that you make that commitment. Unfortunately, in the excitement leading up to the day, I got in over my head and I have to scale back the event. I really hope you understand and I would love to see you there as a guest." DONE.

5. Be Totally Honest

This one is also called "salting the earth." We're not always super-honest in situations in an attempt to save people from hurt feelings. But sometimes direct is better. If your bridesmaid is being a demanding diva, a rude jerk, or just totally irresponsible -- tell her! Don't get into a hair-pulling fistfight or anything, but let her know what's behind her canning. It might inspire her to get her act together next time she's asked to participate in a wedding. But don't expect to be invited to hers!

Have you ever had to fire a bridesmaid?


Image via Phil Hawksworth/Flickr



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flowe... flowerfunleah

I didnt just have to fire a bridesmaid, I had to fire my maid of honor and bff! It all came down to the dress, time it took to BE a moh, and making time for me. She wanted to do everything on HER terms and HER time and in the end (the deal breaker) she refused to buy the bridesmaid dress I wanted her and the other bridesmaids to wear, she said it was too expensive so we offered to pay for half of it and she said it was STILL too expensive (the dress was $80 so she would only have had to pay $40 for it) and so I got fed up and told her that if she was going to be like that then she didnt have to be a bridesmaid anymore. 

I made my SIL my moh and it was a good decision! 

My Bff and I are still bff's but to this day she regrets not being in my wedding.

nonmember avatar Jasmine

How about if the bride is being a diva and decided she just didn't care for the guy you were dating, so she kicked you out of the wedding and refused to talk to you for months? Yea, that happened to me. Some people can be complete jerks around their wedding.

nonmember avatar Laura

If you kick someone out of your bridal party, you should assume they are not going to be your friend anymore. Why would you kick out a BM over budget, when they generally foot the bill for the dress, hair, travel, hotels, shoes, presents, bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc? Demoting her is pretty much telling her she's no longer close enough to you to be a BM. This is a totally ridiculous article, and future brides should ignore it. Sometimes, yes, you do have to ask someone to leave, but usually only for extreme reasons. And you should always be polite about it, but don't give excuses.

Saphi... SaphiraJFire

i hate weddings so we got married with just 2 witnesses there and nothing else. I just did not want a big wedding at all. 

Every day with my husband is special one day is not more special than the others. 

nonmember avatar Wendy

Im having this problem with my friend of 15 years. She was the first person I asked to be a BM. She jumped at opportunity despite being engaged herself. Well, after I set my wedding date to May 2015...she suddenly changed her date (she wasnt even sure if she wanted a wedding) to Dec 2014. I created an event page on FB to post ideas and get feedback from my bridal party and closest relatives/friends. And she would turn EVERY post under the event to "oh I was thinking of that for my wedding blah blah". She went from wanting a traditional Catholic church ceremony...to booking a venue that my best friend had referred to me on my event page...outdoor hilltop ceremony overlooking the valley. She talked about having a winter wonderland theme and ornament style wedding favors, to jelly filled mason jars as favor jars...and the mason jars were the first thing I had decided on for favors.

nonmember avatar Wendy

I text, I called, I posted reminders on my page AND the event about my appointment to search for my bridal gown.Didnt hear from her until LATE in the evening the day OF my appointments, claiming she had to work and couldn't get out of it. Which is understandable but I dont see why she couldnt tell me ahead of time. Shes not in a line of work where shes called into work at last min notice. She texts me discussing little details of her wedding, its fairly obvious I didnt make the cut for her bridal party. Yet, she txt me a few weeks ago to "give a heads up" that she and her fiance listed me as a reference in their application to rent their first home. I tried to talk to her and give her a chance to bow out, since I know shes probably swamped with her own wedding plans. But it bit me in the butt and she simply said "if you really want me in your wedding, I will manage it." Which...was a slap in the face to me bcuz she doesnt seem to care either way if she is a part of my special day or not. Im just really hurt by her behavior since I announced my engagement.

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