The 1 Thing You Need to Stop Doing to Have a Good Relationship

There are about a zillion little tips and tricks for making relationships work, and it seems like there's a new study every other day proclaiming to have found the secret to forever love. You've heard them before ... have more sex, divy up the chores evenly, share interests, agree about money, etc.

But really, the root of every relationship problem can be solved by one thing: Stop being a selfish jerk.

That's right. Just stop it, stop it right now. Did you have a long day at work? Guess what, your wife did too and she made dinner, so that means you're on dishes duty.

And ladies, are you exhausted from the work-life balance, or touched out from little people crawling all over you all day? Don't be a selfish jerk and refuse your husband in the bedroom. He's tired too from the daily grind. And dudes! If you constantly demand sex without loving your wife in other ways, you're being a selfish jerk! Stop it already.

Arguing about whether to spend the bonus money on a vacation or a home improvement? Stop thinking about yourself for a second and look at it from your spouses perspective. Don't immediately discount their thoughts, ideas, desires, and dreams. That way you can compromise and find a solution that works for both of you.

The secret to making a marriage work is as simple as it is difficult to accomplish. Just simply care for and care about one another. And when you are inevitably a selfish jerk, make it up to your partner somehow.

Unless you both stop acting like selfish jerks, the relationship is going to break down. Forever love is a two-way street, and you can't get there if only one of you is driving.

Do you think more couples would be happy if both partners stopped being selfish jerks?


Image via Greg Jordan/Flickr

love, marriage


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B1Bomber B1Bomber

Don't get married unless you are willing to put someone else first for the rest of your life. And don't marry someone who won't put you first for the rest of theirs.

Robin Hartman

Yes, being selfish is the main thing that leads to divorce, in my opinion. 

nonmember avatar Tiffany

You know, I love The Stir but everyonce in a while I read an article that just irritates me. Of course a marriage will be much healthier if you're less selfish. Did this even need to be written? Isn't it common sense? Even a person who's selfish in their relationship would tell you that it's bad for a marriage.

nonmember avatar with?

I can't believe I'm hearing this? Just give it to our men? What are we suppose to do after a long day of work? Just lie there and take it? Then let them get offended because we fall asleep from exhaustion during sex? Hell no! If my man loves me, then he will understand there will be times when I wont have the energy to do it, just like he and I know I will fully make it up to him another night.

missy... missybest

What a terrible article!  How about the two of you just understand and care about one another.  Maybe you are both exhausted and you both get the kids fed and ready for bed and the two of you crash yourselves!  All these rules are just ridiculous.  How about caring about one another and do what works between the two of you?  Make one another happy and comfortable as best you can and sometimes just do what you have to and go to bed or relax.  Quit having all these expectations.  You are human beings.  No one can give all the time!  No one can care about you all the time and you can't care about your partner all the time.  Both must care about and take care of the kids.  Then realize where you spouse is emotionally and where you are emotionally and deal with it!  Don't blame them, deal with it and help one another get some rest, or whatever.  Selfish jerks?  How about concerned human beings - for yourself - as well as your partner? If one or both of you are exhausted beyond belief - be that - and don't get mad at each other what you cannot deliver.  You will be attentive to one another when you can!  Life is horrendously difficult in this day and age.  Realize that, love and care about one another, and get through it - together!

nonmember avatar Anita

this article is full of sexist stereotypes

Eclip... Eclipse920

People that think this rlarticle is saying just to put out for our men all the time aparebtly can't comprehend simple reading

nonmember avatar Erin H.

The thing believe that sex is showing enough "lovin" to their woman that they think they shouldn't do the "other stuff" anymore. At least that's what my husband tells me. I ask him to love on me in other ways and he gets upset, saying "you mean I have to WORK for sex?! We're married, why do I have to "work" for sex?" Since when is being romantic considered "work"??? This is why some marriages don't work out...cuz the man stops doing the things he did to win the woman's heart thinking his "love organ" should bring enough satisfaction to the woman. Guess what, boys...a SUCCESSFUL marriage requires WORK, from both parties....

nonmember avatar Liz

Sounds pretty spot on at times. But it's the other way around in the bedroom for us, I always want it, even after a 12 hour shift. But he's always too tired :-/

nonmember avatar Deborah

I really don't think most of you really understood the theme of this article. Despite whether you agree with a lot of the examples cited of how not to be selfish, the central idea expressed is simple: selfishness has no place in a relationship if you want it to be good and that's the cause of so many problems. I agree and obviously it needed to be stated here because it's still alive and unfortunately doing quite well ruining relationships!

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