12 Really Good Reasons to Say No to Being a Bridesmaid

bridesmaidsThis upcoming June, I will be in my sixth wedding. Always a bridesmaid, never a ... you get the picture. And of course it's lovely when your close friends or family members get married and you get to stand up there with them while they make those incredibly important vows and you get to share in all their love and commitment and blah blah blah, but sometimes, it truly sucks to be a bridesmaid.

From the expense to the time off to having to attend all those events to paying for the dress, it seems that the duties of a bridesmaid are becoming more and more taxing every year. Whenever a friend or family member gets married, and you know you're going to get asked to be a bridesmaid, no one can blame you if a fleeting NO crosses your mind, especially since you know everything that goes into becoming one. We asked a few women why they would say no to being a bridesmaid, and here are 12 reasons why.

1. "Because I don't have an extra $400 laying around to spend on their heinous bridesmaid dresses ..."

2. "Mainly, the time and money! We JUST planned an elaborate shower; then we had a super pricey multi-day bachelorette party; and then there's the rehearsal dinner and wedding. I feel like every other weekend there's something for this wedding, and I'm shelling out more cash. That said, I am very happy and excited for her."

3. "From the wedding photog perspective, I always feel bad for the bridesmaids who are forced to wear a dress that totally does NOT fit their body type just so it matches."

4. "What's up with these weekend-long, far away, expensive trips for bachelorette parties? My friend is having her bachelorette party in New Orleans this year. Can't we just go to our local sketchy male strip club or something for the night, yeesh."

5. "Traveling for the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, and the actual wedding itself is taking out a huge chunk of change from my budget this year. I am not a rich person."

More from The Stir: This Is Officially the Worst Email a Bride Could Ever Send to Her Bridesmaids

6. "Not only do you have to pay for a dress you're never going to wear again (YOU'RE REALLY NEVER GOING TO WEAR IT AGAIN), you have to factor in the costs for alterations, shoes, and if the bride wants you to get your hair and makeup done professionally. It's insane."

7. "The bride whose wedding I'm in is disallowing her bridesmaids to be pregnant for the main event."

8. "I'm terrible at and petrified of small-talk, and bridal showers are pretty much my nightmare incarnate. Ooohing and ahhing over kitchen supplies and then making me write everything down for thank-yous later as a bridesmaid is one of the worst ways I can think of to spend my Sunday afternoon."

9. "ALL THE GIFTS. Showers, bachelorette parties, the gift for the wedding itself, isn't my presence and you forcing me to buy a dress and shoes enough of a hit on my wallet?"

10. "I know I need to be happy for my friend whose wedding I'm in, but (this is anonymous, right?) I'm also quite jealous. We are the exact same age and she's getting married and I'm still super-single. Of course I want to be happy for her, and of course I am, but being a bridesmaid always helps to remind me how very single I am."

11. "The bride is marrying my ex-boyfriend."

12. "Posing for all the pictures instead of drinking at the open bar. Having to dance into the reception like a jackass. Worrying you're going to trip while walking down the aisle. Hating the dress the bride picked but being unable to say anything. Taking days off of work because you have to attend all the events. Oh, you asked for one reason, didn't you?"

What was your biggest gripe when you were a bridesmaid?


Image via Tony Atler/Flickr

marriage, weddings


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nonmember avatar Lauren

This is all hilarious and so, so true. I've only been a bridesmaid once, and I have vowed to never do it again. It SUCKS. The whole process is nauseating. The bridal shower, the dress shopping, the bachelorette party...it's unbelievable and sickening how much it all costs! I'd feel like such an a-hole asking people to do all of that. And the divorce rates in the US are ridiculously high. My friend ended up getting divorced after less than 3 years. I think I spent $800 and god knows how much time on the whole ordeal. I wish there were divorce receipts so everyone in the wedding party could get all their money back. And the shorter the marriage, the higher the interest rates. Never. Again.

SaphireH SaphireH

my bridesmaids love me, even though it isnt until june of 2015 we are starting a lot of planning now and we have our bridesmaids and groomsmen picked and ive already set the rule of do NOT break their bank account to find the dresses for the girls and shirts and pants for the guys, they can thrift store shop for all i care. we are doing colors of the rainbow so each pair of bridesmaid and and groomsmen so have assigned a color for them to make their dress and shirt in, dresses can be sleeveless, strapless, spaghetti straps or short sleeved with min length being mid thigh or can be longer so no butts and no boobies hanging out are the only demands we have and guys will be in a short sleeve button up shirt, black shoes and black dress pants while girls for their shoes can either match their dress, white or black heels or wedges in any height of their comfort and even for the guests all we have asked is dress for comfort since it will be summer, we dont expect anyone to sweat their butts off just for the wedding. i will have no special diets in place for anyone but me, if one of the girls gets pregnant then as long as standing up for the ceramony is ok with them then its cool with us and we want kids at our wedding too seeing as our 3 will be apart of it. there wont be a request for gifts but if they want to they are welcome to and neither of us care about the bachlor and bachlorette parties nor a bridal shower.

nonmember avatar paige

I didn't want to be in my brothers wedding tried to use couldn't not afford it unfortunately my parents paid for it I should have told the truth the dress was green velvet yuck!

nonmember avatar SidsMom

I have a "friend" who got married the first time almost 20 years ago. I figure the gig cost me close to $700 until it was all said & done. When I got married, I had a small wedding just with family, because I think making a huge deal out of a wedding first of all isn't fun & it's just kind of crazy. I sent her a wedding announcement & didn't even get a card. I was lucky enough, however, to get invited to her second wedding. At least this time she didn't have any bridal attendants. Some people.

nonmember avatar Elaine

Wow, sounds like a lot of shitty brides..
My bridesmaids all agreed on a dress, in the shade I liked, for $40 bucks. We aren't traveling anywhere, no bachelorette party, no bridal shower.
I made all of our decorations and invitations and floral bits completely by myself.

With how much it costs to have a wedding, I want it done right.. and the majority of bridesmaids are lazy and don't want to contribute anything. Might as well do it myself and you can just stand there looking pretty, eat the catered food, drink all the free liquor, and pretend you actually contributed.

nonmember avatar Rachel

I didn't realize it back then but my 'friend' didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid because she didn't want her bridesmaids to be ugly. To her I just don't have a nice enough looking face and she wanted her wedding photos to be attractive.

Mrseoc Mrseoc

Wow, the bride who marry's the Ex bf should NOT ask her new hubbys ex to stand at the alter with her. sheesh

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

My number one reason for not being a bridesmaid is that I'm not a maid. I was the first in my group to get married so I was off the hook for all future weddings. I was a flower girl once at age eight or nine and that was quite enough. 

nonmember avatar Steph

Sheesh. I"m glad I'm Orthodox Jewish and we don't have such silly customs. Although we do have a few, they are all shared by the whole community.

B1Bomber B1Bomber

I actually did wear my bridesmaid's dress again. It was beautiful - classy, knee-length, a flattering shade of blue. My three bridesmaids also have all worn the dress they chose again. It was also beautiful - classy, knee-length, a neutral pale pewter color.

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