10 Signs You’re Having an Emotional Affair

HuggingYou’re just friends. You love your husband. It’s not like there’s anything going on. It’s not physical. You just get each other -- in fact you help each other understand your own spouses better!

If you’ve found yourself saying any of these things to yourself or anyone else, especially if they’re frequently repeated, you may be smack dab in the middle of an emotional affair. Maybe you’re not fully into infidelity land yet, but if you don’t put a kibosh on it, that may be where you’re headed.

Then again, there are plenty of healthy friendships between members of the opposite sex, so how do you know when you’ve crossed the line from friendship into an emotional affair?

Here are 10 signs your friendship is or is about to become an emotional affair.

  1. He is the first thing you think about when you wake up. And the last thing you think about before you fall asleep. And pretty much all the times in between. If he’s dominating your thoughts, you’re crushing -- plain and simple.
  2. He’s the first one you want to share good news with. You just got a promotion, or your kid got an awesome award, or you found $20 in the pocket of last winter’s coat, and the first person you want to share it with is him. You’re thinking about him all the time anyway.
  3. You text him a lot. There are more text exchanges between the two of you than between you and your husband, your mom, and your two best friends -- combined.
  4. You blow off others for him. Maybe you don’t think there’s a problem because you don’t blow off your spouse for him, but if you’re cancelling on other friends to hang out with him, you’re probably too close.
  5. You start wishing your partner were more like him. Sure, your hubs has a lot of great qualities, but wouldn’t it be great if he were more punctual, or a better dresser, or liked the same movies you did, or … whatever. Comparing your husband to someone else is never a good idea.
  6. You plan what you’re going to wear/say/do around him. You want to impress him with your wit, style, intellect, and charm. You find it matters more what he thinks of you than what others do.
  7. He just “gets” you. Maybe you have a lot in common, or find yourselves in similar positions in life, or struggling with some of the same issues -- but you just connect on a level that you don’t with anyone else right not.
  8. You share secrets you haven’t even shared with your spouse. If you’re confiding in someone of the opposite sex more than you do with the person you’ve promised not to forsake, there’s something more than strict friendship going on.
  9. You share secrets about your spouse. Of course, this is all in an effort to better understand why your significant other is the way he is. Helpful tip: Get a therapist. It’s not appropriate to talk to your guy friends about the problems in your marriage.
  10. You fantasize about him. Yeah, if you’re wondering what kind of kisser he is, or how much fun vacation with him would be, or what your hypothetical babies would look like if only you’d met him first, you’ve officially crossed the line into emotional affair territory.

Have you ever had to stop yourself from getting too close to a male friend?


Image via civilon/Flickr

cheating, commitment, marriage, lying

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nonmember avatar Jillian

AWWW you have a crush!!!! Congrats jenny! I think I would have sworn off men after that awful divorce. This is great news!!

nonmember avatar Christina

Can you have an emotional affair with a fictional character? I'm writing a short novel for fun and I have a crush on my main male character. All the time spent creating him has now made me crushing on him. It's sad, really, I know but he's so perfect!

MomOwl MomOwl

Christina... I'm in the same boat... Writing a short novel and crushing on the main male character

the4m... the4mutts

So basically, Im having an emotional affair with my sister in law? Well, except for the fantasizing and whatnot. That would just be icky.

We have both always wanted a sister, and now we have one! We share secrets about me, text and fb each other constantly, we have blown off other plans with other people to hang out, and I sometimes tell her things before I tell her brother, good and bad.

My husband works. If something great, or bad happens, and I just HAVE to talk, I will call her. I plan my weekends around her work schedule. I make sure my house is extra clean before she comes over, and I include her and my nephews & niece in things throughout my days.

I keep secrets with her, and she does with me.



I think the definition of an emotional affair is much more simple than you're making it out to be.

Are you HIDING the fact that you talk to this person so much?

Are you neglecting your significant others feelings, and views, because yours have already been validated by the other person?

If so, you're having an emotional affair. Period. Doesn't even need to include fantasizing.

What you described could include most close friendships. What makes a friendship "over the line", is the secrecy and neglect of your partner.

the4m... the4mutts

*secrets about us, not me

nonmember avatar Kristi

I wish the4mutts was a stir writer.

Sadie... Sadie.Rose

I've been there. It was my 7 year, not that it makes it okay. I recognized the problem and we sought therapy. It was really hard admitting my mistakes, but honesty is the key to recovery. We identified what triggered me to look elsewhere and managed to move forward. I think it hurts as much of not more than a physical affair. And that's how I was able to justify it, because it never became physical. In my heart, I still knew it was wrong. Once I was able to face my denial, the healing was able to start.

nonmember avatar Amber

If you don`t like the articles, why bother to keep coming on here? Yea some are just ridiculous, but if you don`t have something nice to say then keep it to your self... I found this interesting and I had one for a little until I cut it off. Did not want to ruin my marriage.

nonmember avatar lori

my husband was having one with his co worker ,stupid married ,needy ,skank... ,getting drunk on the job with him.,he wouldn't or did not know how to get rid of this trashy tramp......so when I finally found out cuzz I did my homework on this bitch and got her address and phone number ,this is all after my husband even defends the bitch from the wrath off my fist,well he told me not to knock her face off because she would press charges(got it buddy) ......well ,it finally came to an end real quick when I told him I was going to inform her husband on what they where doing at work instead of taking care of the animals (theyworked at an animal shelter) ,they where taking care of their drug addict asses to top it off.then that affair ended real quick,but that wasn't enough for me because it bothered me sooo much that these two scumb bags still got to work together after what they did,i called their job and asked for her reffering to her by (her name)and asking for the DRUNKEN WHORE THAT LIKES TO BLOW MARRIED MEN!!! hahahaha.that put a damper on that bitches day ,and their friendship was also ruined!!!I promise you they will never see each the same.sometimes you have to handle shit this way ,I wasn't going to let some skank come in and ruin my 23 year and three kids relashionship just cuzz she wanted to talk to my husband about her problems at home with her hubby.get a therapist ,were all adults here you all know very dam well what you are doing when put in such a situation.

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