Here's How to Write the 'Perfect' Dating Profile (Try Not to Laugh)

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If you've just started online dating or have been doing it for what seems like an eternity in the seventh circle of hell and still haven't had much luck, your profile might need some fine-tuning. Apparently, there are words that attract people and those that repel -- and who knows, but mentioning your nine cats might just have repelled one too many suitors. For instance, the word "retirement" is an awesome word for guys to use. But a terrible one for women. All of this juicy info comes from Wired magazine, which got dating sites OKCupid and Match.com to crunch data to figure out which profiles were getting the most attention -- and what they said. The mag then came up with a handy infographic of the dating world's most effective words. And with that, I bring you the world's most effective profile, if you're a woman. Feel free to use it. I'm that generous.

The world's most effective online profile (presumably) as recommended by Match.com and OKCupid. The key words are in bold:

I'm a driven yoga instructor from London who now resides in NYC. Fitness is my normality. I love to listen to Radiohead or watch Homeland on my iPhone while I work out. Nights at home catch me watching The Office or old episodes of Charmed. Pulp Fiction is the best movie ever. I am creative, passionate, and like to get wasted.

Get in touch if your laziness and meditations tell you we might match. Don't be cheesy, okay? By the way, all my cats are models.

For our first date, we could do sushi and chat about wood, tattoos, and our mortality. Do you like Archer? I don't know what that is, but it's one of the most popular words used in profiles that get attention. Oh wait, it's a TV show. Let's just pretend I watch it.

I can be goofy and awesome. Looking for someone who loves hiking and Europe. Fuck! Sorry, I just stubbed my toe on my couches.

There you go, absolutely guaranteed to have the boys clamoring for a date. All I ask is a wedding invite.

What kind of luck have you had with your dating profile?

 

Image via Corbis

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