13 Terrible Pickup Lines You Won’t Believe Real People Used

Eye Roll 8

It's pretty much just a fact of life that most men are totally clueless about how to pick a girl up. Sure, a small percentage are good at it, and a tiny percentage are excellent at it, but most guys suck at it. You would think they'd be better at it given that from the ages of 12 to 65 heterosexual men probably think about women more than anything else -- but for some reason, so few have figured it out. I honestly don't get it. Consider what Lauren Urasek, a pretty, brunette 23-year-old gets every day. She is, according to OK Cupid, the most popular girl on the dating site in New York City. Every day, she gets dozens of emails. The vast majority of them so horrible that she doesn't answer them.

In fact, the lines men email her are so overwhelmingly awful that she has -- of course -- made a Tumblr blog for them. Some example from theyreallysaidthis.tumblr.com:

- Hey, theree, do you like guys with nice bodies?

- I'd eat you out from behind!

- sup freakshow u wanna trade some naughty pics?

- Your breasts are amazing.

Yep, this is their opening salvo. Needless to say, Lauren ignores the vast majority of these emails. Do guys think it would be otherwise? Do these come-ons actually work?! But it's not just the Laurens of the world that get some crazy come-ons. Here's some examples offered by friends and acquaintances. Mind you, not all are from guys!

1. "On a scale of 1 to 10 in America, how free are you this weekend?" [From a girl to a girl. This must explain why it's kind of cute.]

2. "Excuse me but, are you from Tennessee? 'Cause your the only 10 I see!" [Allegedly from a woman to a man.]

3. My jacket was a shiny black pleather. Guy touches it and says "Is that felt?" I look at him and say "no" in nasty tone. He says, "It is now!"

4. "Did you just fart? Because you blew me away."

More From The Stir: 10 of the Worst Pickup Lines You'll Ever Hear

5. "If you could kill anyone in this bar right now, who would it be?"

6. "You should come to Boston. We can watch some movies on my kicking love seat." [From a woman to a man.]

7. "You must work on Wall Street because your approach is complex and derivative." [From a woman to a man.]

8. "I see you're a musician. Let's make beautiful music together."

9. After not anwering a very long, misspelled, barely sensical email from a guy on a dating site, he sent me this: "Did you read my PhD thesis? I was so eager to hear back ... .thinkinh ... Perhaps No response is a response ... Perhaps ... I come accross too good to be true ... so you may be in utter disbelief!" Yeah, that must be it. Too good to be true!

10. First email from a man I had never corresponded with before in my life: "Please don't leave me!"

11. First email from this guy ever: "I love you!"

12. First email: "What's your phone number?"

13. "I have a Shannen Doherty tattoo."

What's the worst opener you've heard?

 

Image via Rob Boudon/Flickr

 

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Iyisha Oden

The worst pick up line I have ever gotten was when I was at the library with my oldest son at the time he was 1 . and a guy asked me ," hey mother want another?" Ummmmmmmmm what the hell

sandc... sandcastlelove

"You know what my shirt's made out of? Boyfriend material."

No joke, someone actually opened a conversation with that once. It was really awkward.

00NoW... 00NoWay00

Said at a sleazy dive bar "Hey, you looking for a husband?"  (Uhm ... not here, I'm not!)

Chris... ChristianBarker

This is really cool article that I'm glad to have been able to check out. 

nonmember avatar Kari

Worst I've heard..."Did you know that you could put Viagra out of business?"

Vanessa Fasanella

I was with my daughter once, buying baby food, and this guy with a little baby asked me if I wanted to get the babies together? It was so creepy.

Larkyn Nash

I used the Tennessee one on my boyfriend. He lives in Tennessee which made it funnier. He liked it.

nonmember avatar KEL

Let's see...My doozies include a guy bringing me roses and proposing to me as his pick up line. I worked at a hotel as a desk clerk as a teen. Told him, thanks for the flowers, my mom would like them, and no thanks on the proposal.
In a club, I had a guy come up and tell me that I must have noticed that he was different than all the other guys and that his shirt was Armani. I asked if he noticed the ring on my finger.
My husband's first Facebook comment to me, inspired by the words of his buddy, was "Milk's done that body good." He still somehow managed to woo me.

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