My Gut-Wrenching Divorce Changed How I Think About Same-Sex Marriage

Let me start by saying that I have never been anti-gay. I don’t really care how other free people choose to live their lives. I have lots of friends that are gay, some of them very near and dear to my heart.

That being said, I have been opposed to same-sex marriage for a very long time. Not because I really care who has a wedding and declares themselves husband and wife or husband and husband or wife and wife, but because of the lines it may cross when it comes to religious liberty.

Homosexuality is a sin in many religions. Traditional Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all condemn same-sex partnerships. Heck, the Koran even says you’re supposed to stone homosexuals to death. That’s kind of the epitome of anti-gay.

That is not to say that we live in, or should live in, a religious state. No one should be forced to live by the values or morals of another person’s religion. Which is kind of my point. If gay marriage was legal, then it could become a civil liberties issue, and people might be forced to photograph or bake a cake for a ceremony that they’re religiously opposed to.

And that’s totally not cool. There are plenty of gay-friendly service providers -- don’t go make someone do something that goes against their religion and claim tolerance. That’s just stupid.

Anyway, now that I’ve been through a divorce, I’ve changed my mind on gay marriage.

The last few years of my marriage were an emotional hell that I don’t particularly care to dwell upon just now. But spending the last year navigating the legal system for the dissolution of my marriage has shown me that marriage recognized by the state is nothing more than a civil union.

Hmm … thinking about it, why would anyone want to get married, when divorce is such a legal nightmare? I suppose the same reason I’d like to get married again someday -- to share a life with someone that you’ve made a huge commitment to.

And really, why should I get to do it twice, when others may not be able to do it even once? That hardly seems fair.

Have you ever changed your mind about something you were once opposed to?


Image via Nate Chongsiriwatana/Flickr

love, marriage, weddings

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Frost... FrostyMelted

I'll give you credit. It takes courage to admit you were an ignorant bigot. At least your personal failings taught  you something. Still, it's a pity to think that you'd still be a bigot if your marriage hadn't failed. 

nonmember avatar andie

I think hell has just frozen over...

nonmember avatar Monica

Good for you, however you raise a great point. Religon should have no priority what so ever in society. Sure worship on the weekend but don't bring it to work. No tax breaks for religouse organizations, no religouse simbols in the work place. No religouse arguments or basis for political decisions. This is a secular country keep it that way.

LawNO... LawNOrderMommy

Wow frosty congrats on being rude. It takes a lot of courage to say "I was wrong" especially when you don't have anonymity. While I don't always agree with what Jenny writes I commend her for being brave enought to admit she was wrong and share her story to transformative realization. Your comment was mean spirited. There is a lot of that on the Stir and it really does no one any good. Please grow up and if you can't at least keep your mean spiritedness to yourself.

Frost... FrostyMelted

LawNOrderMommy - I did nothing wrong. If you don't like my comment, don't read it. Cheers!

LawNO... LawNOrderMommy

Frosty you have the right to be an asshole but be prepared to be called out for being an asshole.

Frost... FrostyMelted


LawNOrder - I didn't curse, nor did I oppose giving people equal rights. You curse like that around your kids? My sympathies to them if you do. Life with you must be difficult with all that hatred you ooze. 


nonmember avatar Joanne

You are rude, ignorant, and mean frostymelted, to diss someone based on their religious views is wrong too. I have many catholic friends including me who went through a similar experience. Great that you have the courage to tell your experience, we are all human and should be supportive of one another and respect personal, religious views whether u like it not. She didn't hurt anyone with her view before or after.. Have some respect...

LawNO... LawNOrderMommy

No frosty the way I speak to an "adult" is different than how I speak around my kids. And if you want to see me be nasty bring up my kids again, that's a no go subject with me. Children are sacred, you can say whatever you want about me but don't ever talk about my children. They aren't any of your business. I'll reiterate: grow up.

nonmember avatar Anna

Frostymelted is an ignorant, rude useless piece.. Regardless of which way her views were, she hurt no one by them, it's a personal Religious matter. I know lots of Catholics who went thru the same thing.. They were great ppl either way.. Respect others... Peace

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