'Age-Shaming' Men Who Only Want Younger Women Is Justified

Dating in your 40s. Ain't it a bitch? If you're not sure why it's a bitch, let me count the ways. First of all, dating just generally kind of sucks. For every one halfway decent person you meet, you meet 10 weirdos, flakes, sex maniacs, or just plain old people you don't gel with. But in your 40s, it gets much, much worse. For one, men in their 40s suddenly decide you are too old for them. Yes, you go your whole life dating men who are your age, give or take a year or two, and suddenly, boom! The only guys who want you are in their 50s or 60s -- or 20s. I suppose it has something to do with those barely-working ovaries. Or maybe it's Hollywood. Thanks to men like George Clooney, Bruce Willis, and Nic Cage, men have become accustomed to seeing guys in their 50s banging chicks in their early 30s. They just naturally think this applies to them too.

So then you get these emails from dudes on online dating sites who are 10 years older than you -- who probably don't want kids since they are sending your barely-working ovaries an email -- and if you take a look at their age range, the vast majority of them want a woman 5, 10, even 15 years younger than themselves! For WHAT, I ask? Unless your concern is kids, what right have you, Mr. 55-year-old, to cut off the age range you are looking for at 45? (By the way, none of these dudes even remotely resemble George Clooney.)

So I have begun age-shaming these men. Yes, someone has to do it, it might as well be me. They are age-shaming me by their age range -- or at least, age-shaming womankind in general -- so I must stand up for femalehood everywhere and age-shame them back.

To the 56-year-old man who wrote me who was seeking women 40-49. "Hello, thanks for your email, but I prefer men who are also willing to date women their own age." No response.

To the 58-year-old man who was looking for women 35-45: "Wow! You are 58-years-old and willing to date women 13 years younger than yourself! How magnanimous!" He actually wrote back and said: "Oh, I didn't notice that. That was supposed to be 50. Thanks." So he's willing to go eight years younger, how nice.

To the 48-year-old man who wants a woman 28-44. 28!!! In his profile, he freely admits to "knocking a few years off" his age for "screening purposes" and then says that is not because of age but because of his "young lifestyle." I wrote asking him what "young lifestyle" a 48-year-old man (or however old he really is) was capable that he thought a 48-year-old woman wouldn't be capable of. No answer yet!

Yes, I'm well aware this is probably not going to make these men suddenly want to date a woman their own age. But if it makes them think for even half a second, then I've done my job.

Now I will answer that email from the 29-year-old, thanks very much!

Does age hypocrisy in dating bother you? Have you ever called anyone out?

Image via VinothChandar/Flickr

dating, online dating


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Todd Vrancic

I have no idea what men find attractive about having a girlfriend who just attended her senior prom last month.  I married my college sweetheart, and she "gets" me.  I don't have to explain any references I make to older TV shows or movies, because she's my contemporary in age and has seen them or at least heard of them, as well.  Why on earth would anyone, male or female, choose someone as a life mate that they have to finish raising?  With someone your own age, you have that economy of communication that comes with shared experiences.  You don't have to keep telling him or her "You kind of had to be there."

nonmember avatar pete

Women in their 40's are awesome.Less games,drama and bs.If i mention a band from the 80's alot of the younger ones stand there like a deer in headlights.The 40's-ish ones usually know who im talking about most of the time.Simple things like that in conversation etc.The younger ones act as though life didn't exist before the internet...you've probably been meeting the wrong guys because there are PLENTY of quality 35-50 yr old dudes who DO want you gals.Sometimes however women in their 40's will refuse to date even guys in their 30's,so it can go both ways.

nonmember avatar Tanya

i think ur just upset is all. I married a man 3 years ago wednesday who is 16 years older then me. He was 39 and i was 22 when we met. He is my best man i ever met. And no there is no money involved we both work decent jobs to live. There is nothing wrong with it. I would love him no matter his age. And FYI age shouldnt be a factor all that matters is how u treat one another and how u feel for eachother. So what if men like younger women that there prefreance. I dont hear u whining about younger guys wanting OLDER Women now do i?? Then it would benifit u. To each thier own. And just be ok with that. There is somebody for u. Just dont hate those who dont.

Daisy... DaisyJupes

I feel like there is a mid-life crisis element here.

nonmember avatar Karla

Thankfully I am happily married however I do think it's ridiculous? It makes more sense from a longest ive POV that women would be the ones that should date younger men but somehow they get stuck getting called COUGARS. While men get no title. It's ridiculous.

@Tanya you missed the point. The writer is talking about men who will ONLY date much younger women. Go back and re-read the title.

nonmember avatar Suzanne

I have to admit when I started dating again a few years back I was looking for an older guy. I was In my mid thirties, but found that since id had my kids when I was young I wasn't at the same spot in my life as my chronological peers. The guys in their thirties would often check the 'maybe someday' box for wanting kids, which is all just fine except I'd been a mother for about fifteen years. I ended up with my husband, who is ten years older than me but has kids the same age. Honestly he was more worried about the age difference that I was (his ex wife was actually older than him), but obviously things worked out. My point is that I think lifestages are more important than ages when looking for a partner.

nonmember avatar Joe

55 year old guy - have to agree with Suzanne on the "life stage" comments. I don't want kids again - enjoying my relationship with my adult kids along with new found freedom (was a single dad). So no 35 yr olds, but...Majority of 50-55 year old women I meet are just "having" grandkids - which is awesome - but I just can't go there yet. Maybe in 10 yrs when my kids are...but now I want to travel etc. Don't want my vacations to be to visit someone else's grandkids. Selfish? Maybe, but just the reality of life stage differences. Leaves me looking for recent empty nesters - many of whom happen to be 10 yrs younger...and ready to experience "freedom" again.

chris... christie516

There is an old man in Kentucky that refers to Taylor Swift as his girlfriend, and swears that Carrie Underwood was previously his fiance. He is near 50 and constantly talks to Taylor on twitter saying she should stay a virgin for their wedding night, and how she will bear him 4 children. It absolutely sickens me that he sets his sights on incredibly young women, some of them even younger than his oldest son, but then to also set his sight on celebrities and freak out when they don't respond to his marriage proposals.

I wish someone could actually age shame him considering his family seems to ignore his crazy posts on twitter and facebook.



Sara Cunningham

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a partner and actually being honest about it. It's not like these people tricked you or are obligated to be interested in you.

If they were a douchebag about their preferences or shaming you for your age, that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like these guys did anything. 

Nolanzo Nolanzo

I am nearly 40 and I love it... I have been on a dating site a few times and I, too, specify an age range that I'm willing to deal with... and for me, I prefer younger. My man is 31... old enough to not act like a 12 year old in a grown man's body and old enough to have his shit together, but not old enough to want to get married tomorrow and expect me to be his trophy housewife. In other words, perfect.

Everyone has a preference, and I appreciate up-front honesty. In my ad, I specified no one over 40. It's just me... and that's the way I like it :)

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