Dating in your 40s. Ain't it a bitch? If you're not sure why it's a bitch, let me count the ways. First of all, dating just generally kind of sucks. For every one halfway decent person you meet, you meet 10 weirdos, flakes, sex maniacs, or just plain old people you don't gel with. But in your 40s, it gets much, much worse. For one, men in their 40s suddenly decide you are too old for them. Yes, you go your whole life dating men who are your age, give or take a year or two, and suddenly, boom! The only guys who want you are in their 50s or 60s -- or 20s. I suppose it has something to do with those barely-working ovaries. Or maybe it's Hollywood. Thanks to men like George Clooney, Bruce Willis, and Nic Cage, men have become accustomed to seeing guys in their 50s banging chicks in their early 30s. They just naturally think this applies to them too.
So then you get these emails from dudes on online dating sites who are 10 years older than you -- who probably don't want kids since they are sending your barely-working ovaries an email -- and if you take a look at their age range, the vast majority of them want a woman 5, 10, even 15 years younger than themselves! For WHAT, I ask? Unless your concern is kids, what right have you, Mr. 55-year-old, to cut off the age range you are looking for at 45? (By the way, none of these dudes even remotely resemble George Clooney.)
So I have begun age-shaming these men. Yes, someone has to do it, it might as well be me. They are age-shaming me by their age range -- or at least, age-shaming womankind in general -- so I must stand up for femalehood everywhere and age-shame them back.
To the 56-year-old man who wrote me who was seeking women 40-49. "Hello, thanks for your email, but I prefer men who are also willing to date women their own age." No response.
To the 58-year-old man who was looking for women 35-45: "Wow! You are 58-years-old and willing to date women 13 years younger than yourself! How magnanimous!" He actually wrote back and said: "Oh, I didn't notice that. That was supposed to be 50. Thanks." So he's willing to go eight years younger, how nice.
To the 48-year-old man who wants a woman 28-44. 28!!! In his profile, he freely admits to "knocking a few years off" his age for "screening purposes" and then says that is not because of age but because of his "young lifestyle." I wrote asking him what "young lifestyle" a 48-year-old man (or however old he really is) was capable that he thought a 48-year-old woman wouldn't be capable of. No answer yet!
Yes, I'm well aware this is probably not going to make these men suddenly want to date a woman their own age. But if it makes them think for even half a second, then I've done my job.
Now I will answer that email from the 29-year-old, thanks very much!
Does age hypocrisy in dating bother you? Have you ever called anyone out?
Image via VinothChandar/Flickr