6 Ridiculous Divorce Stats That Will Scare Any Sane Woman

bride and groomAccording to the U.S. Census bureau’s statistics, if you get married before the age of 30, your marriage is almost certainly doomed to failure. Wow! That would have been good to know before I consented to marry the Big Guy after four months of dating when I was a wee 26 years old. Of course, we are about to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in a couple months and, to be honest, there seems to be no end in sight. Screw the stats, they don’t know me.

Here are a few other ridiculous divorce statistics.

If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14 percent.

Sure, this makes loads of sense because obviously if you never see a couple argue and make up, you'd just assume that successfully married couples never fight and you'd become passive in the relationship. Hogwash. In reality, you learn how to make things work and what it means to have a partner for life. Me, I'll fight for my marriage like a wildcat. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Living together prior to getting married can increase the chance of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent.

This is true because if you lived with someone prior to marriage and realized that they snored like a jet plane, had no inkling of how to change a toilet paper roll, and dropped their dirty socks wherever they took them off, you'd kill them before you ever made it to the altar.

The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.

Well, the eight-year mark is just about the time you have the mortgage on your dream home, two dogs, two cars, tuitions, PTO, and maybe a toddler who's tantruming. Your husband’s starting to lose his hair and you’ve got a few grays; now is as good a time as any to get out while the getting’s good. By getting’s good, I mean you still have most of your teeth and the kids are still cute enough for someone else to love.

The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old.

Well, they say 40 is the new 30. So I guess that makes 30 the new 20, and who the hell wants to be tied down to a partner for life at 20 when there are still so many potential sex partners in the bars? Also, that 30-year-old meltdown and subsequent midlife crisis is truly unattractive and can definitely warrant a divorce.

Overall, people living in northeastern states have lower marriage and divorce rates. While those in southern states are more likely to get married, they also have higher divorce rates.

Having lived in a few southern states, there is not much else for the young people to do in small towns but drink and fornicate. Many are raised with a no sex before marriage mentality. Therefore, they get married to screw because tipping cows and getting high gets boring after a couple months. While in the northeastern states, they’re more likely to focus on their careers and financial security, so when they do get married and decide to have children at 40, there’s no way they’re splitting it 50/50 with retirement right around the corner. It’s cheaper to stay married.

Do you think these statistics hold true? Maybe they do and maybe they don't, but screw the stats. You fall in love with people, not with facts and figures or probability. My advice: go all in and see what happens. It worked for me.

Do you think if you get married before the age of 30, your marriage is destined for divorce?


Image via Marcus Hansson/Flickr

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