Couples Who Share Facebook Accounts Aren't More in Love -- Just More Insecure

I have a few really good friends whom I love to death. They have amazing significant others whom I also really like and enjoy chatting with -- when we're all together having dinner or drinks. But when it comes to sharing social media experiences with my friends, I won't do it if they've decided to merge their accounts with those of their husbands or boyfriends. It's nothing personal -- like I said, I don't have anything against their partners -- but chatting with RebeccaPaulForever on Facebook defeats the entire purpose of staying in touch with a person via social media outlets. And the truth is: lots of people think it's just plain weird.

Oversharing online can work in several ways that aren't limited to couples creating one Facebook account. Some husbands/wives and boyfriends/girlfriends share online calendars -- which seems more convenient than odd to me -- as well as email passwords and even actual email accounts. Couples who do it consider it part of the "nesting" process of settling down with a partner. They feel that when you share one online presence, you're letting the world know you are truly serious and committed. 

We get it: you're in love. And it's a free country, so share away. But you should know that it sucks for the rest of us. I don't feel free to post a specific comment to my friend without acknowledging her husband. It seems rude to do so. But I don't really have anything to say to her husband -- and it seems weird to do that, too -- so I usually just avoid posting on their pages altogether.

Based on an informal survey I conducted among my Facebook friends -- many of whom are happily married -- here's what others have to say about the practice: 

Sandra: "FB should be where you reconnect with friends and follow up with family ... I have a few friends who share and I never know who I am talking with ... I tend to not write to them as much."

Elizabeth: "It makes me wonder about their relationship. Do they not trust each other? Did one do something questionable in the relationship?"

Diana: "I know someone who constantly posts through her husband’s Facebook account. I never know who I’m talking to, her or her husband."

Tommy: "If I get a request from a couples page, I don't accept it. Or I don't ever talk to them because you never know who you're talking to. Their couples page negates them altogether as far as I'm concerned."

As far as sharing email accounts and passwords is concerned: a big no to that. It just reeks of high school relationship insecurity.  

Do you share an online social media account with your partner? How do you feel about the practice?


Image via Tim Hale Photography/Corbis

commitment, dating, in the news, love, marriage, privacy, social media, facebook, email


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StacyLC StacyLC

I do not share a facebook with my husband but we have joint email account.  We have our own also but the joint one is nice for when you need an email address for the kids schools, activities and other things that are joint ventures.  I see nothing wrong with a joint email for that reason.  It makes it easier to track the kids dr appoints, vet appoints and school things.  

Tyler N Rachel Faber

My husband and I have a Facebook Page together. The only reason we did so is because we had severe issues in our marriage. As for people not liking it- I agree to a certain extent. My husband and I have had a better marriage these past couple of Years since we started our joint Facebook account. Everyone Knows that I'm on it more than he is but they still talk to us. If someone puts up a message for him he answers it, if its for me I answer it. We may not have as many friends as we could if it was separate but I'd rather it be that way then to have my Marriage be ruined because of some stupid Internet page- that is used to keep in contact with Family across the continent. To each their own opinions- I'm in no way saying that anyone is wrong in their reasons for not liking it.

TheSi... TheSilence

You're ridiculous! You are completely overthinking this, typical of the stir 'writers'.

How is a person insecure to share a Facebook but not insecure to share an email?

I personally don't think your 'friends' are missing out on anything by not being your FB friend. In fact they should probably be grateful that they don't have to be subjected to your stupid 'polls'.

Here's a tip: if you want to write to 'Sally' and her husband 'John' is also on the page start the comment with 'Hey Sally' problem solved!

Btw, I don't share a FB and still think you are ridiculous!

Sally... SallyB_LMT

My dh and I have access to watch others' accounts, he has all my passwords and I have all of his, except work of course. If something happened to either of us it only makes sense that they have access to all of your accounts as needed. Also, neither of us have anything to hide, so there's no issue there either. Why would you have a problem with your dh having access to your email or Facebook? I can see each having your own accounts, but if you don't trust your dh, who can you trust?

Faith Mercy

Whether it's a trust issue that causes a need for a joint Facebook account with your significant other or to a way to make a relationship official, just my opinion but it'd respect your significant other's privacy and private conversations to instead of joint accounts just making all your passwords available to them. Or if you have concerns or doubts, better to confront them and talk to your partner first and foremost and ask.

Allison Schmidt

We have separate accounts, but we have each other's email and passwords. If there's something I need him to read to me while I drive, like a friend who has Facebook but not texting, I let him do it. Same for him, or if something pops up and its urgent while he's at work. I would never share an account because we both have different sense of what should be shared on Facebook, like jokes. I wouldn't want my family seeing it

Johnny Gonzales

You know it's refreshing to see these comments ! I hate , hate , hate this garbage that sharing a FB account means you're insecure . It's a matter of convenience . When friends are inviting you and your partner to events , parties or whatever , I would feel frustrated thinking oh did I just invite Jane or did I just contact John . C'mon people GROW UP !! If you have a private matter you need to discuss with one or the other more than likely your going to be able to contact that person via telephone or email . I share a FB account with my husband and we NEVER have problems with people engaging with us . Maybe people whom make such statements should look inward at what they're not willing to share and hiding . If you have trust issues in your marriage , you should be able to discuss it , remedy it , and whatever the outcome , get over it . Sharing is what marriage is about . If you can't handle it don't commit but don't criticize those of us that are fine with it !

Traci... Traci_Momof2

I'm not a fan of it and I'm glad none of my FB friends do it.  IMO, if you want to acknowledge your relationship on FB, that's what the "married to" option is for.  There's many of my FB friends that I am also FB friends with their spouse.  There are also many FB friends that I am NOT FB friends with their spouse.  I want to be able to make that choice and don't want it forced on me.  There are also many FB friends that DH and I share but we each have many that the other doesn't have.  I honestly don't care about what his HS friends are up to and don't need to see it, but I'm glad he has the opportunity to.  I'm also part of a private group on FB and if any of us had a shared account it would defeat the purpose of the private group.

Yes, DH and I are a couple and are in love.  We don't hide things from each other and trust each other.  We are eerily alike that sometimes it seems like we are the same person.  But the truth is we are two individual people and we think our FB and email and all other stuff like that should reflect that fact.

Nelli... NellieKane

Actually, what is weird is caring this much about Facebook. Really? Unplug the computer and turn off the smart phone and go enjoy a stroll in the park as you ponder over the truly important things in life.

claud... claudiaj1218

the thing i hate about people doing that is when it comes to a birthday. it's like, well, whose birthday is it? 

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