couple kissingWhile talking to a friend about sex -- because, yes, girls do this sometimes, especially when we are wearing frilly panties and having pillow fights -- she told me that she doesn't really have orgasms. She doesn't fake them either. Wait. What does she mean by really? She only sort of has them? Yes. Sort of. She's more concerned with how she looks than how she feels. And this is the case for so many women. Some cases are worse. There is no sort of -- there's only nothing.

Many of us aren't getting the pleasure we deserve from sex. And a lot of the time, it's all our own fault.

Another friend told me that she just doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk to her boyfriend about what she needs to get off. So she just takes care of herself when he's not around. Essentially, she saying, Sure, it's fine you come all over my chest. I'm not freaked out about putting your penis in my mouth. But when it comes to telling you what will make me have an orgasm, I'm too uptight to do that.

What is wrong with this picture?!

Perhaps it has to do with some sort of deep-rooted subservient nonsense left over from ... oh you know that time women weren't allowed to vote. We're a bit screwed and clearly not often enough in the satisfying way. But recognizing, and talking, about this issue only helps women own up to how they've denied themselves the pleasure they deserve and do something about it. And by doing something about it, I mean having an orgasm. More orgasms. The first orgasm. The best orgasms.

We need to relax more. Stop worrying about the laundry. If your legs aren't perfectly shaved. If you forgot to work on your abs that day. Or the fact it may take a half hour for us to come.

We need to communicate more. Tell your lover what feels good. Then tell him again. Tell him whenever you can and whenever it's necessary. Give him directions because we all know from being in a car with him, he isn't going to stop and ask for them.

And if all these things fail, hang in there until you get a little bit older because I have to tell you that sex gets better as we age. (Who's with me?) Maybe we automatically become more relaxed. Maybe we are more comfortable talking about anything. Maybe we are smarter about everything. Maybe. Maybe it's all about patience and concentration and being open to feeling good. Yes. It's about all those things. Things that no matter how old or young you are, you should apply particularly when it comes to sex.

Are you guilty of not communicating enough or being too distracted to have orgasms?

 

 Image via Bryan Brenneman/Flickr