Why It's Better to Introduce Your Kids to Your Boyfriend Right Away

kid dad riding bikeEveryone has an opinion about everything. And when you're getting divorced, those opinions about everything are something everyone wants to bestow upon you. Do this. Don't do that. Make sure you absolutely don't do that. Never do that. You must do this. There are experts out there -- experts on you and what you should do. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. And one of the toughest topics out there with steadfast critics is the one about when to introduce your kids to your boyfriend.

Everyone's involved in this decision whether you want them to be or not. Your family. Your kids. The ex. I think it's better to introduce the kids to your boyfriend right away.

And by boyfriend, I don't mean some guy that makes you laugh and you enjoy having a glass of wine with every now and then. I also don't mean the guy you just met online and your first date involves having ice creams at the playground as a pretend family. It kind of has to be this perfect dance of that moment you realize that this guy is something wonderful -- and he thinks you're something amazing -- and the only way to take this whole I think we're falling in love thing to the next level is to introduce him to the kids. Because if that turns out to be a disaster, you can end it sooner. As in right away. Because if the guy cannot mesh with your kids, there should be no meshing with you or your heart or your whole everything.

If you put this off ... for months and months or some imaginary timeline everyone else seems to want to impose on the situation ... you could end up having wasted all those months and months. Critics of my theory, of course, are going to say, But what about the kids? They will see you with some guy and think who is this man mommy is with? What does it all mean?

Depending on the age of your kids, you can handle that. You're a mom. Moms know what's up and how to best handle things of that nature. Besides, it's not like you're saying, "Hi kids! Meet your new daddy!" while you make out with him and then slap his ass. That's not what this is about. At all. It's just a simple meet and greet. A little observation. And the kids get to sniff him out. Because kids are GREAT at that. They are like dogs. They know the good people and the bad people and they will growl at the bad people. Essentially you will know if this is going to work out or not; worth pursuing or not; a good idea to allow yourself to fully fall in love or not.

Some may think it's selfish. But I don't see it that way. Happy mommy equals happy kids. And if there is going to be a new man in their lives who is going to draw them pictures of Spider-Man, teach them how to be Batman, and happily wear a multi-color beaded necklace made by your daughter around his neck even when he's not around your kids, you know you've made the right decision.

Do you think there is a right time to introduce your boyfriend to your kids? Does it have to do with an actual timeline (example months, years) or rather based on emotions?

 

Image via Marco Spaapen/Flickr

dating, dating mom, divorce

14 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

adamat34 adamat34

Nope nope nope....this is a horrible idea, in my opinion.


I hate seeing women who parade endless man/boyfriends in front of their impressionable children.


Kids deserve better than an recieving line of mommys boyfriends. Wait untill you both are comfortable with it and know each other well....commitment longer than a week of text messaging is probably a good idea!!!!

nonmember avatar anon

I introduced my daughter to my boyfriend after about 3 weeks. She was only about 18 months old and I was pretty sure this guy was gonna be in our lives for quite some time and wanted to see how they got along together. Its been 6 months since they were introduced and things are going great. When we go out my daughter wants him instead of me and they have nicknames for each other. I think introducing them was a great idea so I didn't fall for him and then realize that they hated each other.

mommy... mommyto2in14

I didn't meet DH's kids until we had been dating for 6 months and I wouldn't have introduced him to mine (if I had had any at the time) until then either! If you don't work out then the kids get hurt again!

belie... believeitornot

^totally agree. The same can of course be said of fathers with their girlfriends too.

belie... believeitornot

Ah! I was too slow! I was agreeing with adamat

nonmember avatar Suzanne

I never can figure out why people have such a problem with kids meeting people their parents are dating. Like the article said, it's not like you are introducing a new daddy, or moving them in with you, or allowing them to spend time alone. Just a casual introduction. Kids are such a huge part of your life, it seems weird to keep them hidden away. As far as the kids getting too attached, just keep the relationship casual until the relationship is more serious. Casual acquaintances come in and out of life all the time. Why is this so different?

mommy... mommyto2in14

@Suzanne If they end up getting attached to the person, when that person is no longer in their lives it can be like their parents divorce/break up all over again. I have seen it all to many times.

nonmember avatar Shannon

No way. My step daughters mom wants to play family w every guy she gets with! Then sd gets attached and doesn't understand why after a few months they are gone. She still asks about a guy her mom dated a couple of years ago. It's sad.

Jess_Lee Jess_Lee

I introduced my SO to my son after about 2-3 weeks of dating before we were in a relationship. I wanted to make sure he was good enough for my son as well as me. My son was almost 1, but picky about ppl. He took to him instantly. Now, 3 yrs later my son is 4, and we are adding a little sister. I felt he was good enough and a great person. Turns out, he's the best. He loves my son as his own, calls him his first child just like he's my first child. My son "knows" his bio father, even though bio chooses not to be in his life, but he told my husband tonight that he is his daddy and he loves him. So it depends on the child(ren) and the man/ woman. It worked for us, but not for everyone.

nonmember avatar Mika

I agree. Each relationship, person, and situation is different. I have 2 kids, ages 6 and 8 months. My oldest knows that mommy is talking to a new person. She calls him my boyfriend. And she always says hi to him when I'm talking to him on the phone. I haven't formally introduced them, because it's such a huge step. Besides we've only been together for 2 months. But we feel as if this relationship is long term so we're planning an outing to kind of take the pressure off when they meet.

1-10 of 14 comments 12 Last
F