Some years ago, I found myself once again single and trying to find guys to date. Ugh, just put a hot poker in my eye. I'm sure there are plenty of good men out there, but absolutely none of them were on the dating site I selected to start my dating journey. Well, except one guy. Let's call him Jim. Jim was cute, witty, gainfully employed, and had 2-year-old daughter. He was also divorced. Which would explain why he was on a dating site. But there was just one problem -- he was still very amicable pals with his ex-wife.
He seemed eager to assure me that his wife, whom he'd divorced a year ago, was a cool woman and they still got along well. No doubt he didn't want me to think that I'd get mired in some kind of bitter divorce muck. And I totally appreciated it.
But the more he assured me about their fabulous relationship, the more doubts began to sprout in my mind. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't nervous about their relationship. I didn't worry that he was still in love, or that she was, or that they'd get back together -- they had just sold their home and that seemed like a lot of trouble to go through if they still wanted to work it out -- but I began to wonder why they didn't work it out.
Especially since they'd just had a child. If they still got along, still cared about each other, and both loved their kid -- why not plow through whatever rough patch they hit?
I began to wonder, frankly, if they'd just gotten divorced out of boredom, or maybe because the baby had put a crimp in their sex life. Which made me wonder if this guy was the type who was gonna flee when the going got a little tough.
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Of course, there's no way I could know everything. And he could have been concealing some vital information since we were still early days. Maybe she had an affair. Maybe she was a drug addict. Who knows.
I never asked the reasons for his divorce, I felt it was too early for that, but he volunteered that at some point he felt like he was living with a "friend" instead of a lover.
Doesn't everyone feel like that eventually? Especially after a baby, when everyone is tired and overwhelmed?
I just felt like if they still liked each other, there was a chance, and with a young kid, they should have tried harder.
As it turned out, I didn't have to worry about his character or his ability to stick things out because we quickly decided he lived too far away from me to make a relationship work.
But I was a bit relieved. Because a man who still cares so much for his ex -- but not enough to stay in his marriage and raise their child together -- is a man that makes me a bit nervous.
Do you think if you still like your spouse but aren't passionate about him or her anymore you should try to make it work if there are kids involved?
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