If You Wish He'd Hit You, You're Probably in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Twisted 14

I wish he would just hit me. I remember having that thought, and it took me aback. We had been so happy once, why was I so miserable and why did I feel so trapped? Why did I wish he would just hit me, so I could have an excuse to leave him? Did I want to leave him? He wasn’t so bad … most of the time.

He didn’t cheat on me with another woman, as far as I knew. He didn’t call me a bitch or anything. Sometimes he was really nice, but mostly he just ignored me. He didn’t always. In the beginning of our relationship, his world revolved around me, and mine around him.

When had things become so bad that I wanted him to hit me, so I could have a physical sign of the emotional pain I found myself constantly battling? That’s when I started googling and found out about emotional abuse.

More from The Stir: 15 Signs You're in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Emotional abuse is insidious. Mostly because it’s not easily recognizable, and you’re just tired and drained all. the. freaking. time. You love your spouse so much, and you know that life without them would suck, because they stick with you even when you don’t deserve it.

You just try to be the best partner you can be, and it’s ok that sometimes your lover gets in a bad mood and snaps at you, because you totally should have been more sensitive to their difficulties. Or the times you really overstep and they ignore you for days, only to pop out of it and act like nothing happened.

God forbid you ever try to confront them on anything -- it’s better to just let the insults roll off your back than to try to stand up for yourself. But what’s there to stand up for anyway? They didn’t really mean it. And they are so good a lot of the time … there’s no way that this relationship could be considered abusive …?

More from The Stir: 5 Ways to Get Out of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Maybe. Maybe not. But if you find yourself feeling trapped in a relationship that you don’t really understand, drained of your vitality, and feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells with your partner, you might be a victim of emotional abuse.

And if you wish he would just hit you and be done with it? Yeah, that’s a pretty big sign.

P.S. I have since gotten out from under his controlling thumb and moved on with my life. I’ve never looked back.

If you are living in an abusive environment, there's help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233.

Have you ever been the victim of emotional abuse?

Image via Nicholas Raymond/Flickr

commitment, divorce, lying, marriage


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erlar... erlark2012

Well this totally opened my eyes.

nekoy... nekoyukidoll

My last bf was very emotional abusive. One thing that he said that sticks out was when I had told him how much he hurt me,his reply was "that's your problem, not mine."

Allison Schmidt

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for years and didn't know it until I had gotten rid of him, It lasted almost 4 years. I am in an amazing relationship now, with a man that would never hurt me in any way.

femal... femaleMIKE

I have heard a woman saying that to me.  She said she wishes he would hit me, so that way I know that he is wrong and I am not as crazy and horrible as he tells me I am.

MBlair25 MBlair25

That is true.  You think there must be something wrong with you.  Anything you do you feel like you just cant do anything right.  The extreme mood swings are too much to bare at times but you think he'll come out of it and apologize but then it ends up being your fault somehow.  You sit for days wondering what did I do?  And I end up apologizing for I dont know what half the time.  I have thought this myself that I wish he would just slug me one so I had some proof that I wasnt crazy.  Reading this really opened up my eyes too.

Marcella Shambles

I remember an ex said during one of our fights "I don't know what your problem is, it's not like I hit you."  We were together 7 years and didn't break up until after he was sober/clean for over a year.  Another warning sign is when you are waiting/hoping for him to pass out, and then miss it when he doesn't anymore.

nonmember avatar denise

this makes me wonder. im still on the fence about my whole situation. most of the time i think, i must be the fucked up one for worrying if he's doing things he's not supposed to be. then if i bring it up im a bitch for not trusting him, even after he'd been lying to me for years. im the crazy one for thinking that he ever would lie to me. im always told that im stupid. thinking while im typing is bringing on a new light. he still does things to make me happy and tries to help me out and stuff, and i never think "i wish he'd just hit me". i have no clue with my relationship with my husband anymore. i have no clue where we're going to end up. i feel like i can be so much happier single, but at the same time life would be so horrible for my two boys and myself. uugh... i wish i would have just stayed single when i was younger and waited to try to settle down with someone who apparently wasnt ready. life is harder than i could have ever imagined...

nolan... noland72587

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with the father of two of my kids.  I didn't want him to hit me, but I was depressed all the time.  Honestly, it wasn't until I was out and got an order of protection that I recognized it for what it was.  I left him because I was so depressed and recognized those signs and realized the reason for it.  He was also very controlling. 

nonmember avatar Ashley

I started dating my ex husband when I was 16. I was with him for almost 5 years. We got married and had a son! Things got worse and worse. He started throwing things and yelling at me for crap I still have no clue why he would think I did. I had a full time job, was taking classes online and taking care of our baby. He sat at home and did nothing. I even payed a sitter to take my son because he wouldn't. When I asked for a divorce he took my son and said I didn't deserve him. Needless to say, I am now divorced and have sole custody of my soon to be 8 year old son.

lisas... lisasuel1

Domestic abuse holines won't help you unless 1, they DID hit you and 2, they left visible marks.  My ex is NPD (not diagnosed, but ALL the signs and symptoms).  They wouldn't help me with all of the verbal abuse and harassment and they wouldn't help my 7 year old who WAS slapped because there were no visible marks.  Best to find a support group.

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