For the most part, it's a TERRIBLE idea to marry and get serious with a person you want to change. This is because, in general, people are not fixer-uppers and can't be remodeled and changed to suit our wishes. They are who they are, and we either accept them as they are or we end up sorely disappointed.
Earlier this week, we talked about things we CAN change, but most of those are physical, small changes that come with getting older or becoming a more mature person. Most people weren't going to live with their parents forever with or without the girlfriend who gave them the little push.
That said, the list of things that CAN'T be changed is much, much longer. Here are 5 things you can never, ever change about a man and you must accept to ever be together:
- His relationship with his mom/sister: If you hate his mom and his sister or one or the other and they are very, very close, don't think you are going to change that. I once dated a guy with a VERY creepy relationship with his sister and guess what? We ended. There was no way I wanted to stay in that and make things harder on myself.
- His drinking: Sure, people can stop drinking, but if he is an alcoholic and won't admit it, he is NEVER going to choose you over booze. Let it go quickly before you are in too deep. Otherwise, you are in for a world of hurt and pain.
- His workaholic ways: This doesn't have to be a deal-breaker, but if you want a 9-5, working for the weekends kind of guy who will be home when you want him to be home, maybe DON'T get serious with a guy who is really into his career and who puts in 60 hours a week to get to the top. Ambition is awesome for the right woman, but it can't be changed. Accept it or move on.
- His dog: Don't make a man get rid of his dog. Just don't. If you are dating a man with a dog and you don't like him, learn to like him. If you are allergic, learn to cope or take shots. My husband accepted my cat even though he broke out in hives the day we moved in together. He got used to the cat and lost the allergy.
- His love of sports: If you hate sports, you can marry a guy who loves them, but you have to accept that difference; otherwise, prepare to be miserable. You have to meet him where he is.
This list is obviously incomplete. It doesn't get into political beliefs or religious beliefs or family values or much else. The reality is, the list of what you CAN'T change is much longer because, mostly, we need to learn to just accept people as they are. Period.
Did you ever think you could change something about someone you could not?
Image via BennyMazur/Flickr