5 Real Reasons Men Leave a 'Happy Marriage'

Love & Learn 65

unhappy coupleHave you ever been shocked at the news a couple you know is splitting up? The first thing out of your mouth was probably, "But they had a perfect marriage" or "They seemed so happy." That happened to me recently when I learned a friend and her college sweetheart hubby were calling it quits. Of course, I wanted to know how this seemingly ideal union crumbled? One day, he came home and said that it was over because she didn't make him laugh anymore. Devastating, right? Especially considering the fact that she had two kids and supported him through medical school and his residency. In the months since hearing about it, I haven't gotten her story out of my mind. I've been asking other divorced women the real reasons their husbands gave them for leaving. Here is what they had to say.

  1. You don’t make me laugh anymore. When they met, they were young and carefree. Much of their time was spent having fun and daydreaming about the future. Any married person with kids will tell you that the laughs dwindle when adult responsibilities kick in. But it's incredibly sad to think that he was unwilling to work harder at recapturing that old magic. It's not easy, but it's also not impossible. And from what she tells me, he wasn't exactly Mr. Fun either.
  2. We don’t want to have sex enough or the sex is too routine. I don't know one married person who doesn't have this complaint. Working, kids, and maintaining a home are exhausting. Sometimes the last thing you want to do at the end of the day is have sex. I'm not saying that this is right -- but it just is. However, is this really a marriage dealbreaker? Need I remind you of the whole "for better or worse" part of the vows. I'm not saying he should have just coped with a sexless marriage, but maybe they could have worked out a plan or taken a few romantic getaways to kick-start the romance again.
  3. You don’t put me first anymore. Or course she doesn't. And this came from a guy with kids. Three of them! He just couldn't grow up and accept that her life no longer revolved around his needs.
  4. I’ve lost respect for you. This comment didn't come after he learned she had been cheating or gambled their 401(k)s away. To him, she was no longer the confident, independent go-getter he fell for all those years ago. Admittedly, her self-esteem had taken a dive after failing to lose her baby weight. And her focus was more family than career now. But who isn't different 15 years later? He has likely changed too, but can’t see that.
  5. You are always on my back. Sadly, nagging had become an everyday thing in their marriage. Feeling overwhelmed, she says she constantly complained about what he wasn't doing. Bottom line was she needed help and he never seemed to want to give it to her.

More from The Stir: World's Longest Married Couple Has the Secret to Lasting Love

What are other reasons seemingly happy marriages fail?

Image via Roy McMahon/Corbis

breakups, cheating, divorce


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Eddie... EddiesMama1983

Those are all stupid reasons to get divorced. Clearly, there are many people who just aren't cut out for marriage. 

nonmember avatar Jen

These were the men who actually had the cahones to leave.

Most husbands just cheat and lie behind your back and then get outraged when YOU file for divorce.

there... theresaphilly

I am a female and I certainly ended my marriage based on three the ones listed. 

the4m... the4mutts

These are not reasons. They are symptoms of underlying issues. Well, except the respect one. I feel that all marriages without abuse/addiction problems that ends, ends because one partner lost respect for the other. If you dont respect your partner, you CANT care for them much anymore, you're no longer willing to understand why they're too tired for sex, or care that they need help around the house, etc.

Its all about respect.

nonmember avatar Karma

These are reasons some women will use as well. The only difference, women get a pass, while men are looked at bing immature or selfish.

nonmember avatar SMS

My ex-husband said the day he rationalized planned cheating was when he came home from his 7th day straight at work & I was on the couch with my laptop & our daughter (on a Sunday) and the dishes & laundry hadn't been done. The most stupid comment I could've heard since our toddler daughter would hardly ever unleech herself from me AND I was on my laptop working from home. I told him it was nice to know that something as simple as a maid could've saved our marriage then! I know it was just a convenient excuse at the time, but he seriously said a lot of his problem was that I didn't keep house well enough. Oh, and I owned my own business. MEN!!! :-/

Christy Foster-Patterson

One reason they leave a happy marriage... his "other woman" (whom not only is insecure to the hilt) pushes him to leave (his wife of 7 years and small child) or she will tell his wife of his affair or make his life hell if he doesn't comply. NOTE: He is now married to said woman cause she pushed for the marriage right after his divorce was final. Now I hear he is in his own hell..just gotta love Karma!



nonmember avatar Jennifer

Christy Foster- Patterson you couldn't of said it any better! Thank you for that comment you made my day!

Lauri... Lauriemom

If my dh wanted to leave me for any of those reasons, I'd help him pack his bags

talkt... talktojonell

Notice the author justifies the woman's behavior in every example? Skewed much?

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