I Was Wrong About Marriage & Learned the Hard Way

Love & Learn 83

Holy crap, there are a lot of people on the Internet hating on me recently. In just the past couple of weeks, the comments on my blog have exploded, douche canoes on message boards have had multiple conversations about me, and someone even devoted a whole series of blog posts to talk about how evil I am because I filed for divorce.

I’ve been called a hypocrite, a traitor, a slut, a whore, the c-word. I’ve been accused of destroying my children’s lives, smashing my ex-husband’s balls, and basically ripping apart the fabric of society. Apparently I’m an adulterer caught in the snare of the devil, and even though I’m a hideous evil man-hating beast, I somehow manage to hop from bed to bed of any man that will have me. Seriously you guys -- they said I was ugly. What the heck do my looks have to do with anything?

Anyway, that is a lot of vitriol for little old me.

There seems to be some obsession with calling me out for divorcing the man I once said was the “love of my life” and “my best friend.”

Because I’ve been so vocal in my defense of marriage over the years, and adamant that divorce should never be an option if two people are willing to work it out, people seem to be pretty pissed that I left my husband.

Take a chill pill guys. So I was wrong about marriage being the most sacred thing on the planet, to be protected at all costs -- even the sanity of those in it. What's your point?

More from The Stir: How My Divorce Made Me a Better Mom

I used to be one of those people that thought the only “excuse” for divorce was cheating or beating. I thought I was superior to those other people, because I stayed in my very difficult marriage rather than calling it quits. If I could do it, why couldn’t everyone else? I mean, marriage is supposed to be hard, right?

Oh boy, did God ever take me off my high horse on that one.

I used to judge people that walked out on their marriages, and now I find myself on the opposite end of the pendulum swing. When I hear of one half of a couple throwing in the towel, my immediate reaction is, “What did the other person do to them that they felt like leaving was the only option?”

My opinion on marriage now is that the institution itself is not more important than the people in it.

What, you’ve never changed your mind about anything? What a sad, narrow little life you must lead. I pity you since I know from experience that comeuppance is a bitch.

But please, go ahead and continue to call me horrible names and condemn me from behind anonymous computer screens. All it does is make you look like idiots.

What's the biggest thing you've ever learned the hard way?


Image via Nick Nguyen/Flickr

breakups, commitment, divorce, exes, marriage, single moms


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

linzemae linzemae

Yikes. I can't believe how mean people are being to you! Then again, this is the Internet.

nonmember avatar Someone

No one gets married to get divorced and no one wants to "ruin" their life but knowing which bridge to cross and which to bridge to burn is the hardest thing to learn.

nonmember avatar Amanda

Everyone deserves to be happy. Chances are it could have destroyed your kids lives BY staying. I only know this from going through this with my parents. If you can't make yourself happy, how are you suppose to make your kids happy? You did the right thing.

mamat... mamatreat

Hahhahaha! I absolutely love the bitchyness of this article!  While I think it is absolutely absurd that anyone would devote that much time to bitching about you filing for a divorce (especially when they were not the other party in the marriage) I do have to say they have a right to call you out on it. You yourself talk about how much you judged other people so it only seems like you are getting a huge slice of humble pie. Either way, let the shitty things people say roll off your back- you'll never please everyone and you have a new life to build.  No sense waisting any energy on trolls.  :) Good luck!

nonmember avatar singer825

I do not always agree with everything you say Jenny, but this... I went to that blog you linked to and then I went to yours. My mind is blown by the comments there. How so many people do not understand the massively huge load of crap you dealt with in your church is beyond me. It's scary those comments. I come from a background of a controlling church too and it's terrible. I'm having trouble making words right now on this because what I read was so upsetting. People are jerks (massive understatement). I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

chigi... chigirl1228

Damn... after reading all those links I feel bad for you. I left my church not for personal reasons but because of the scandals. I'm Roman Catholic. I'm keeping an eye on this new pope. I believe he was sent from the heavens lol. I hope you find a pastor that can care for you just the way you are and not throw random, misinterrupted bible verses at you. It is not up to the church or your pastor to forgive your sins. It is between you and God. If they cannot understand that, they are not to be bothered with. I do not agree with your politics. To be frank, tea partiers make me vomit a little. But I agree with a lot of your personal blogs and have been enjoying your thoughts on divorce. You seem happy and thats all that counts. Just remember opinions are like assholes; everyones got them. Keep your head up and don't take the Christian trolls to seriously. But in all honesty I can understand why people are angry. You bashed a lot of people for having different opinions of marriage. But I think right now you just put your foot in your mouth. Hate the sin not the sinner. I think a lot of people forgot that was in the bible too.

Tyson Fricker

You've judged others very harshly and critically, treated those different from your poorly, and now you've been judged and treated poorly. The quality of your character will be how you use this experience and treat people going forward. Will you continue to operate with a profound lack of compassion and a judgmental attitude or will you learn empathy? The choice is yours. Good luck.

nonmember avatar Jason

Getting a divorce is a lot like throwing up.
People don't do it because they want to. But at some point you're out of options, and you'll feel better afterwards...

nonmember avatar SickOfHearingIt

Well, that's what happens when you make a name for yourself being judgmental and lacking empathy for others. You only have empathy for people you can relate to and you can't relate unless you have been through it yourself. That is a sad mindset to go through life with.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

When you make a living being a bitch, spewing hate and ignorance every day, it's bound to come back and bite you eventfully.

1-10 of 83 comments 12345 Last