Forget Gay Marriage & Polygamy -- It's Open Marriages That Destroy Families

Rant 86

You know the story: Boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy invites another girl into their bed, and girl is strangely ok with it, because she has her own lesbian lover on the side anyway.

Wait, what?

Welcome to polyamory, the strange perversion of what love in marriage looks like. On Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating, married couple Michael and Kamala talk about their open marriage, and why monogamy “just doesn’t work for them.”

"Monogamy can be a really beautiful agreement between people when they're deeply in love and they don't have desire for another," Kamala says. "But most people in our society are just monogamous because their vows said 'I will forsake all others.'"

Um, yeah, that’s kind of the point.

So what does their situation look like? Michael and Kamala have been married for 12 years, and have a six-year-old son together. Six months ago, they invited Michael’s 27-year-old girlfriend Rachel to come live with them. They have previously shared their home with another couple, and Kamala has maintained an affair with another woman for the past two years.

The threesome loves to do yoga, have tantric sex together, and they collectively raise Michael and Kamala’s son. They claim that polyamory is the answer to our “divorce woes.”

Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Half of all marriages end in divorce, so the best way to combat that statistic is to eradicate the stability of marriage between committed partners?

Agree or not, at least gay and polygamous marriages show some sort of committed union between adults -- promises to stay together for life. Of course promises get broken, but how can you raise children in such chaos that no promise is ever even made, let alone attempted to be lived?

Kids with gay parents or more than one mom will have some stuff to overcome, even if for no other reason than it’s not the societal norm -- but at least they know where they belong. When parents are committed, the child’s home life is stable. But what happens when Dad’s girlfriend, who is acting as a surrogate mother, decides it’s time for her to move on? I can only imagine the psychological damage to a child who has to live with a revolving door of his parents’ various love interests.

Families with gay or polygamous parents have something these polyamorous people don’t -- commitment. Their families may look different, but at least they are loyal to each other, and especially to their children.

Do you think open marriages are a viable alternative to divorce?


Image via Robert Ashworth/Flickr

commitment, dating, divorce, in the news, love, living together, marriage, sexuality


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Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I dont think marriage should have a "face".. Do what works for you, your partner, and your family as a whole. Frankly, what these people do is none of our business. 

ZamEnt25 ZamEnt25

Marriage wasn't meant to be open. It's marriage for a reason. People doing what works for them is why our society is in the mess its in. No one wants to work for their relationships anymore. It's more of what can you give me, instead of how do we make each other happy.

nonmember avatar JudgementReally

Really? Nothing better to comment on than someone else's sex life? Slamming families without understanding how these forms of relationships work, and saying they are "destroying" marriages are ridiculous. Open marriages take communication and respect.

As for if another partner moves out and using that as some sort of infliction on the child's psyche... Imagine that. Any time someone has a surrogate parental figure leave their life (doesn't matter if the relationship is married, open, closed or family member) the child is going to be impacted negatively but to use that as an argument only in this case is very "narrow sighted". Single parents do great jobs regardless of their love life, so why are people in open marriages with kids treated any differently?

Do you know that some "open marriages" aren't really open? Do you know some are only set to 3 people? Did you know some actually last for years? OR are you only slamming them because you don't possibly understand what their love lives are like but rather go off some kind of a stereotype without actually meeting people who live with lives like this?

This is just a shamming and slamming article that was half-written entirely based on one point of view. If you share that opinion, fine. But don't try to toss out facts without actually understanding what you're writing.

nonmember avatar Gigi

And have you personally known anyone who tried and failed at an open marriage, Jenny? Thought not. Monogamy doesn't make sense, biologically. The reason so many divorces happen in the first place is because one person can't keep their eyes from wandering.

wamom223 wamom223

Whatever judgment really.  I've been reading some accounts from children that are raised in these situations and they feel really neglected.  Sad that so many selfish people put their sexual wants before what is best for their children, very very sad.  I mean to read what you wrote as you make comparison's it sounds like you only discuss this with people that agree with you or you dub them judgmental and close minded.  Do whatever you want to do but leave kids out of it is what I think.  These kids feel emotionally neglected and physically abandoned and that is a fact.  Maybe you should try finding out something about this lifestyle and its cons before you go attacking others for having an opinion that differs from yours.  And maybe just maybe if you don't want to forsake all others you shouldn't take vows you have no plans on keeping.  Personally I think its the governments involvement that have ruined marriage but I think people who think like you are trying to ruin the human race.

wamom223 wamom223

The reason so many divorces happen is because we live in a world where hardly anyone takes personal responsibility and most want to create their own realities.  Judgmentalreally would like to paint a picture that this lifestyle for children is no more damaging than that of any surrogate parent in a monogamous relationship and I disagree.  A monogamous dater would introduce no more than one 'surgate' parent at time while open marriages have countless but usually more than two.  That means a child living in that lifestyle is losing at least twice as many parents as a child being raised in a traditional home.  And to answer the know it all's question we have a huge group of open marriages in my city and not one of them that I met (I thought I'd be having drinks with friends from work not be invited to what sounded like an orgy, like my 21 year old self couldn't wait to sleep with those old gross fat dudes) ten years ago are still together and it was a group of over 50 people.  

wamom223 wamom223

The idea that its no one elses business and if it doesn't hurt anyone let them be is fine as long as you are not trying to normalize it for my child or subjecting your child to neglect because your selfish.  Funny how all these open marriages types are also narcissistic.  For any of you wanting a real peek as to what life is really like for these kids go to mommyish and read a kid who has lived through this for 17 years and then see what you think.  But then there are always people so selfish in believing their way is right that they will call her an average teen and discount the  neglect she has been put through so mommy and daddy can screw who they want when they want.

Brain... BrainyMommy

None of my business. Don't care.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

I know a few people who call themselves polyamorous and not one of them is actually happy. J is married but living with her girlfriend and has at least one other lover who is married to someone else but I can't keep track because she is always dumping people who can't commit to her rules then bringing them back. R is married to a man but has a live-in girlfriend and she dates like a single woman but neither of her long term partners are allowed to date and they must leave the house if she wants to bring a date home.

Polyamorous is just a trendy word to describe sluts with commitment issues.

nonmember avatar NotHumanThen

I hate when people say "monogamy" goes against human nature. Well, excuse me for not being your defination of normal. I have been in a committed relationship for 10 years. Never once have my eyes or vagina been tempted to wonder off to someone other than my husband. And if our relationship ended, then I would never enter a relationship again.

Even when I was a teenager and dated, I was never sexually attracted to anyone either male or female. Until I met my husband. He was the first person I have ever really loved, or desired. And that works for me. And if being in an open marriage is what works for you, fine. But don't bash every other type of relationship because you think your "progressive". In reality your just as ass backwards as everyone else.

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