Do you have a bad temper sometimes? You can admit it. I do. There are times it just creeps out of nowhere and I'm instantly in a craptastic mood. There are other times it's a slow build that manifests and then I explode in anger. I have to be really, really mad for that though. It's rare but it happens ... if I get crossed. (Evil eye!) I have been known to blow up on my significant other. I've worked on that over the years, trying not to get all pissy over things I shouldn't get pissy over, but my temper gets the better of me sometimes. (Sorry.)
And if you believe the results of this new study, my bad temper is the reason I suck at relationships. In fact, it could be the reason people get divorced ... if the wife is the feisty one who can't cool down after a disagreement. This really pisses me off.
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WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON THE WOMAN?!? And yes, I'm yelling because I'm angry and that bad temper I spoke of ... it's at a boiling point. Clearly I need to calm down. Now. And all the time.
This study looked at more than 80 middle-aged and older couples and examined how they go through disagreements. The couples in marriages where the wife calmed down faster after an argument were the happiest in the short and long run. Cool your jets, woman. I guess there really is something to that expression. (Note: I think some men need this advice, too. Just sayin'.)
Still, we shouldn't freak out and start throwing Brita pitchers at the computer (or our husbands) because as I mentioned, this study was done on middle-aged and older couples. Sure, we can learn from those who have been there (more) and done that (more), but the researchers point out that there is a generational thing going on here where the older folk feel the woman is the emotional center of a relationship. The mentality was that if the wife is happy, so is her husband, and so is the marriage. Not so true for the younger generations as many men are more in touch with that emo side. (Yay for emo dudes!)
It's also not the case that you can never have a major freak-out and be 100 percent anger-free to have a happy and forever kind of marriage, but we all know how helpful it is and it's never emotionally healthy to harbor your anger. This is why we have to communicate and communicating with one of those younger generation emo guys can serve some of us hot-blooded ladies well. Balance!
So be cool. Relax. Ohmmm. Ohmmm. Don't go throwing Brita pitchers. Trust me. I'm getting divorced.
Do you have a bad temper? Do you know how to work on that so your marriage doesn't suffer? What do you think of this study?
Image via Greg Dunlap/Flickr