Open Letter to the 22-Year-Old Who Wants to Date This Old Lady

Awww! 37

Dear Hot 22-Year-Old Who Wants to Date Me:

When I got your email on a popular dating site, I was surprised. Not at your age, which I didn't know from your email. But that you could spell. And that you didn't call me "honey" or "babe" or "cutie" and that you wrote more than three words. You sounded intelligent, nice, normal. That doesn't happen too often on this dating site. You also threw in a compliment, telling me that I was "genuinely gorgeous" and that you liked my profile "almost as much as my pictures." Well, you got my attention. But you also said something that sent my high hopes crashing. You wrote, "I know I'm not in your age range ..."

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Oh-oh, what could this mean? Since I could only see a very small thumbnail photo with your email, I had no idea. So I clicked into your profile and searched around for your age.

There it was. Twenty-two.

Twenty-two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see, dear reader, I am a little over 40. I won't say how much over. Not even anonymously.

I wrote you back. I congratulated you on sending the best email I had gotten in weeks, if not months. How is that possible? I thought 22-year-olds wrote things like, "hi how r u? wld u like to chat im me hotbod448877."

I didn't know 22-year-olds could sound like Cary Grant, which you did, as we kept emailing, against my better judgment. I asked you if you always wrote older women. You said only if they "stood out in some way." Like I did. You continued to use correct punctuation and capitalize the beginnings of sentences.

I began to suspect this was a scam.

The truth is, I can't date a 22-year-old, much as it sounds sort of ... intriguing. And I don't know why, because a 40-something-year-old guy wouldn't hesitate for a second to take out a 22-year-old woman.

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But I just had my fillings replaced because they are older than you. Last year, I had an anal fissure. How would we discuss these things?

It's weird enough scouring my face for new wrinkles -- I can't imagine how depressing it would be scouring for them when my significant other has none. When, in fact, he still has baby fat. Give me some of that baby fat, bitch!

Dear young suitor, I get blood panels every year now. I get mammograms. And I get anxious about these things. How would I discuss my dense breast tissue and slightly off pap smears with you? Do you understand mortality yet? Do you caress your scrotum, looking for cancer?

And how would I tell you, my young paramour, that these days I can really, really, REALLY sweartofuckinggod only handle two glasses of wine? And that only a few times per month? Any chance you're a teetotaler? And don't even look at me if you've smoked a blunt, man, cause I will just topple over.

My dearest 22-year-old, I would never "tweet" you to let you know where I am. Also, you remember high school like it was yesterday. Because it was.

Perhaps I should not assume, my dear young friend, that you're not an old soul, and that you wouldn't love my fissures and wrinkles, and that you might want to stay home and cook rather than queue up at some live music venue in Williamsburg at 1 in the morning. Perhaps this is why you're emailing older women. And we'll probably die about the same time too, given that women live so much longer than men.

Oh, but those growing pains. So many things could happen to you in your 20s. You could change careers more than once. Do you have a career? You could want to move. Several times. Especially when your roommates become, like, totally annoying. You may decide you're gay. There's still a lot of time for that. There's that whole meeting your mom thing. She's probably younger than I am.

So, my little man, I leave you to hardier cougars than I. I'm sure someone will snap up your tight buns and chipmunk cheeks. But, alas, it shall not be me.

At least ... not this week.

Have you ever dated a much younger man? Should I?

 

Image via TheOldTimeJunkShop/Etsy

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Fondue Fondue

Go for it!

nonmember avatar S.A.,

It's been months since I've visited this site, but just had to comment on this (as a guest since I've been "lost" by The Stir...). What an awful self-serving piece of crap. Reverse ageism at it's finest! Lady, you have a few things to learn about dating. The way you MAKE FUN of an articulate, intelligent albeit young man is just awful. Age makes very little difference - but I doubt you would know that as your world view is so limited. I have dated 20+ years above and below my own age. I'm almost 50 and have been married for the past 13 years. My husband is younger than I am, although only by 7 years. You are way, way too hung up on your age and are really coming off as a bitter woman. Young at heart - try it. It's a person's experiences, background and life history that makes a real difference. Other than that, it's just TV shows, music and Saturday morning cartoons that don't match up. Big deal.

Jaghd810 Jaghd810

I'm 34. My fiancé is 21. I'm not going to go into how he is mature just to convince people, whose opinion I do not value, why it's a perfect relationship. Age is a number. 

kenle... kenleymom

Go for it....you only live once!

Freela Freela

If you feel a connection to the person and he's a legal, consenting adult, why not?  The worst that can happen is it doesn't work out.  And if it doesn't work out romantically, there is definitely no age limit on friendship.

nonmember avatar CB

I married a man 7 years my junior. Yes, we went through some age-related issues. But we also made it through. Why? Because we both worked to make the relationship good. We both took the chance. I had always dated older men. Not one of them came even close to this kind of commitment. Personally I feel that you are doing yourself a disservice in not wanting to take a chance. It's not often that we get chances to connect with others so splendidly. But to each their own.

Desti... Destinatten

Let me just say LOL. If I didnt have sons i'd say go for it but since I do um I would...well im not sure what I'd do. But as the mother of that potencial 22 year old one day I would be pissed and disowning people. While I know thats not rational and I also know the more you say no the more it means yes to them im sure I would have a major fit. That said if you personally dont feel comfortable with the age factor then dont do it. And you are RIGHT about the modern 22 yr old most dont sound like that, not so long ago I was in my early 20's and most guys I knew who by the way 90% had at least a bachelors and had good jobs would email and text the way you assumed a 22 yr old would. That aside its always been a double standard people dating younger or older. While I do believe to each their own I know I personally i wouldnt and would hate it if my sons would date on older women(10+ years). And if one day I have a daughter I wouldnt want her to date older men either.

Elizabeth Gronewald

I am 23 and I do not type as if I am illiterate and unable to actually utilize the English language. I have seen women and paid writers on this site demonstrate less ability to command actual grammar and sentence structure that claim to be older than me. Please take your "I thought 22-year-olds wrote things like, "hi how r u? wld u like to chat im me hotbod448877." and realize that generalizations can come from everyone and that it shows a lack of understanding of others and their idiosyncrasies. I know that there are people that do not demonstrate their intelligence and maturity through their typing skills. Some people have learning disabilities. Others do not place importance on capitalization and grammar and spelling. There are  Stir writers that are proof of this.

Elizabeth Gronewald

I cannot generalize this observation and extend it to all the writers, though.Command of the English language is not for everyone. This does not mean that you can box in a certain group and narrow your ideas of how they articulate themselves; otherwise I could just claim that I am shocked that you did not have as many glaring grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors that all Stir writers seem to overlook when they are being paid to write for this site. It's not so nice, is it?

nonmember avatar annonymous

I am 38 and have a guy friend that's almost 21. I would date him in a heartbeat if he didn't have a girlfriend already, but I feel we have the same age in our souls, we get along great, and have deep conversations about almost everything. Last year I dated a 23 y/o and it didn't work out because he smoked too much pot and I didn't. I don't know, it somehow seems more acceptable for an older man to date a young woman, I have dated up to 22 years older than me, which didn't work out because he was too fatherly towards me. I don;t know. I wish age didn't matter for Love.

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