7 Reasons You Should Forgive 'The Other Woman'

Say What!? 10

the other womanWhen you find a man who wants to wine and dine you and makes you feel truly beautiful -- it makes you feel all warm and happy inside. But that heartwarming feeling can quickly turn to heated anger if you find out there's another woman in his life; another woman whom he tells the exact same mushy gushy goodness. And before most women can even blink their eyes, the hatred ensues. The other woman. You hate her. She stole your man. How could she live with herself? BAM -- the tears begin.

Let's be real here. So often ladies get mad at one another when they should be getting mad at this two-timing man. As someone who's been "the other woman" and had absolutely no clue he was in a full-fledged relationship with someone else -- that label, well, it's just not fair.

I'm not saying homewreckers don't exist. I'm just saying that not all "other women" are homewreckers with no regard for a man's marital or family status. Thus I present you with 7 reasons not to hate the other woman:

1. She probably had no idea: It may not be easy to hold back your anger at first, but until you know better, you have to assume that this woman didn't have a clue about you either. Just like in the courtroom, innocent until proven guilty. Besides, if you don't freak out on her the first second you have, then you can get her side of the story and be able to piece things together in your own mind.

2. She's probably just as upset about this as you: Granted, you care more about your own feelings than hers. But considering she obviously cares about the same man as you do -- she's probably upset that this thought-to-be-awesome man is actually a scumbag.

More from The Stir: 10 Understandable Ways to Get Revenge On Your Cheating Husband

3. She probably believed she was cared about. Heck, maybe she was: This is probably the worst part. When you meet someone and it's new, you're not exactly entitled to ask EVERYTHING about their past right upfront. While it's new and exciting, she probably didn't want to know exact details yet while she was still feeling things out.

4. It's not her fault there were other problems in your relationship (aside from him cheating): Unfortunately, that's typically why men go astray in the first place. I'm not saying that him cheating is YOUR fault. It's not. I'm just saying that usually when things start to go south or there's a problem the two of you can't work out, that's when he starts looking elsewhere instead of focusing on the issue.

5. She's probably a good person: Again with the benefit of the doubt notion from before. If you don't know this woman, you have no idea if she's a bad person. For all you know, you two could have potential to be besties. Although, I'll be honest, that could get a little awkward.

6. Forgiving her will help YOU move forward: You need to figure out if this man is worth your time and effort, considering the circumstances surrounding this "other woman" scenario. Forgiving her, whether or not you really interact with her, will help you focus on what really matters: how YOU need to cope with this sticky situation. (Oh, and my suggestion is to get the hell away from this two-timer.)

More from The Stir: Mom Overhears Man Bragging About Cheating & Secretly Posts His Pic on Facebook (PHOTO)

7. And most importantly -- no woman ever wants to be "the other woman": OK, so the exception to this rule is those homewrecking women I mentioned earlier that thrive off of this horrible relationship-ruining feeling. However, any woman with a good conscience is just looking for a good man, a good companion. Being "the other woman" isn't exactly a holy accomplishment.

Have you ever dealt with an "other woman" situation? How did you handle things after you found out he cheated?


Image via Matelly/cultura/Corbis



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BubbsJNL BubbsJNL

2-7 are only applicable is number 1 is verifiably true.  If number 1 isn't true, the rest of this is bullsh!t and hating her is as therapeutic as anything else. :)

keelh... keelhaulrose

I'd never get mad at a clueless other woman, it's my partner's fault for lying to her.
If, however, the other woman knew he was my husband she's just as guilty.

jessa... jessasmamma

LOL. My ex-husbands "new" girlfriend KNEW he was married and actively pursued him. I almost think she LIKED that he was married. It made him a challenge. We went on vacation to visit his father for a week and they met during that week (he had gone out with friends one night). She then spent the next few months texting him all kinds of inappropriate things/pictures. I didn't know about it until about 3 months in, when I had already found out that I was pregnant with baby #2. The stress of my husband cheating, marriage/family falling apart, etc. caused me to miscarry. To this day, she still thinks that's hilarious and throws it in my face whenever she can. He is a complete idiot and thinks she's this wonderful person, but she's not. I know it's bad, but I almost enjoy that he is being lied to by her. It's karma working things out. She has him fooled into thinking she's this nice, Christian girl and in reality she's a homewrecking slut who has slept with 2 of his friends since they've been together. I'm so grateful they ilve over 1,000 miles away from my daughter and that she only has to see them 2-3x a year. 

river... river_coal

#1 does happen! I dated a guy for 10 months with no clue he was married. He never wore a ring, his wife never came to the work place, he and I were contantly in contact and spent much of our days together. It wasn't till he told her he was leaving her to move in with me that she showed up at my work place with their marriage certificate and birth certificates for each of their 3 kids, she was also pregnant. I was hurt, appalled, and ended it that day.

nekoy... nekoyukidoll

I haven't forgiven the other "woman" (I can't call her that) since she knew we were dating and she made some very low class comments to me. Others think she's so sweet but sadly if they knew...

Chunk... Chunkymunkey922

I will not forgive her and I have no respect for her. Same goes for him.. she knew full and well he was married. She sent him messages telling him to divorce me. She knew exactly waht she was doing

Sophia Seaberg

That is not always true, In my situation, she knew right from the go and tried everything she could to cause more trouble and strife. She finally found out that she was being used for money and to make me hurt. Not that those are good things to have my husband do, but I am not at all sad that her world got completely torn up.

nonmember avatar OrlandoMama

Caught my hubby texting with a former lover by accident. Made me angry, disappointed, and sad. Finally realized I shouldn't hate her. My first marriage. His third marriage. What is wrong with me? I should have figured it out, but we're trying to work it out because we have kids. She's not the issue at all. His true colors came out. What should I do?

nonmember avatar Boise mama

My husband paid money to access this married slut on an adultery website. She placed an ad for adultery. He paid a fee and responded. He told me that before they had their first sex (unprotected) they discussed how this would destroy their families, but they wanted to do it anyway. For 3 years. Without protection. She sings in a praise band in her church. Neither she nor my now ex-husband deserve forgiveness.

nonmember avatar Gram's

Um. No. In my case the label is completely fair, if not too kind. She knew all about me, and was even a friend for 4 years before the affair started. She is NOT as upset as me as she used her affair with my husband to exit her own crappy marriage, and now she's moved on from him and is in love, she gets the happy ending. She didn't believe she was cared about as the affair was all about raunchy sex, no love. She is not a good person, she is the devil. I will never forgive her and she MUST have wanted to be the other woman OR SHE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN. And of course he is even more to blame, but that doesn't let her off AT ALL. As you might be able to tell, I'm just not feeling this article, sorry.

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