Kissing the Father of My Kids Makes Me Feel Weird

Love & Learn 21

smoochHeidi Klum and Seal were caught kissing. Something they probably used to do every day. Perhaps several times a day for years and years. They made babies together so they did even more than kiss, too. They were intimate in the most intimate sense of the word. And then they weren't. They broke up in January 2012, But, as I mentioned, Heidi and Seal were just recently caught kissing. Not in the "I want to be with you" way. In the "I made babies with you and we're co-parenting now" kind of way. Which is a weird way. 

It's really strange to go from kissing someone every time you see them to not being able to kiss them in a romantic way anymore. I'm going through this very thing with my ex. And I'm not sure I'm doing it the "right" way.

When I see my ex, which is every week at pickup and dropoff of the kids, we say hi. Smile. Not a whole lot of eye contact. We talk about the kids. Maybe a little more. But it feels awkward and strange. We don't kiss hello. We don't kiss goodbye. We don't hug. We don't greet each other as we would friends, which is typically a cheek kiss or a quick hug. We have, but it's been odd. Stiff. Forced? Confusing? How are you supposed to do this divorce thing anyway? Is there a manual? I didn't read the marriage manual so clearly I should read something to at least get this divorce thing right.

I just don't know how to be around him. Do I go with my instinct and give him a kiss on the cheek hello? Or is that overdoing it? I kiss friends I don't know nearly as well as I know my ex hello. And my ex is one of the few people who knows me better than anyone. At least I thought so. He was there for the birth of our children. He's bought me maxi-pads and hemorrhoid cream at the drugstore. He's been in the bathroom with me when I was ... doing stuff. A little peck as a greeting shouldn't be such a big deal, right? Wrong.

These are the little things that change when you break up and yet still have ties to each other ... a.k.a. those two amazing children we created. These are the things that happen during divorce that no one warns you about. Sure everyone talks about custody and who's paying for ballet class, but we're on our own when it comes to figuring out how to act around each other.

Seal said after his breakup with Heidi, "Just because you decide to separate, I don't think you all of a sudden stop loving each other. I don't think you all of a sudden stop becoming friends." And he's right in a way, but it's misleading. Because things stop. They have to stop or else you would still be a couple. It's all learning about how to stop and being okay with that stop and what to do when things stop. The kissing. The hand holding. The touch on the knee. The sharing of bills. The family dinners. The cuddling in bed. It ends. And then you start again, but different. Learning how to be parents together, who are not together. Maybe all of that takes about 21 months or more to figure out because that's how long Heidi and Seal have been broken up and they seem to be just fine.

Then again, it's just a photo. Everything can look just fine in a photo. Just like my marriage did.

How do you greet your ex? Do you think it's strange to kiss your ex hello even when you are co-parents?

Image via Jennifer Mullin/Flickr

celebs, breakups, divorce


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Lilit... Lilith.23

Well, it's called being mature.

My parents are divorced and it was a bitter and horrible divorce but they moved forward with their lives and when they see each other yes they kiss on the cheek hello-goodbye. You know why? Because they are two adults that put aside their difference and learned to forgive and move forward. A divorce doesn't mean that you have to hate the other person, they have history together,kids and once had love for each other. And i know if me and my oh got a divorce I'd still great him that way after we healed from it because he will always be the father of my child.

It doesn't have to be awkward and all jeez!

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

Sounds like you just need more time getting comfortable with him being your ex. Then again, some people arent the kissy-huggy type. 

the4m... the4mutts

You just need more time.

I hug and kiss my ex husband, and *gasp* in front of my soon-to-be husband! My s/o has even hugged the guy. We almost invited him to our upcoming wedding, and my ex was actually disappointed that we decided NOT to. The only reason we didn't, is because we thought it was weird that it wouldnt feel weird to have him there. (If that makes any sense)

He sometimes even takes my 4yr old (not his) for the weekend when he takes our 3. He's keeping the 4yr old for our honeymoon. He comes to all bbqs, birthdays, and family functions that we have.

We are very close. He is an excellent father, and we were always great friends.

It only took about a year after our divorce to get to this point. But I am so glad we made it. Our kids love seeing it, and its good for all of us.


What's weird is how weird exes who maintain a good relationship are percieved. 

My ex and I are at every soccer game together, take our son to brunch together sometimes on weekends to ease the "drop off", we kiss hello/ good bye sometimes. We've even spent weekends together at grandma's beachhouse.

My son has 2 loving, present parents and sees us as a team. Every child deserves that. even if they dont have a 2 parent home

nonmember avatar NoWay

My ex and I get along fine as do my husband and his ex. And my husband and my ex will gab forever! LOL.

the4mutts ... I know what you mean because my ex-husband, my husband's ex-wife, my former mother and father-in-law, former sister-in-law and her family all came to my wedding last year. It was a blast because we are all still a family, if not in the legal sense. But some people did think it was weird. Haha. :)

nonmember avatar Mary

There is nothing wrong w kissing ur ex

Both r being mature and still hv feelings for each other bc they hv kids together

I still love my ex and always will be We still tell each I love you we hv both moved on from each other but not from our kids We will always be a family and our kids come b4 us and everybody else

How exes r w each other depends on them not all r the same

queen... queenteej

I do it all the time with my daughters father. We talk like we were always friends and never a couple its hard sometimes but 23 and 24 Are too old to argue about stupid stuff.

Daisy... DaisyJupes

Adults need to be the adults in failed relationships and not put that on their children. Being friends with an ex is the best way to do that. My parents weren't friends, but they got along and were invited to everything and it made me feel like I had two parents not two children.

As for the kissing, a peck is nothing. If you think it's more than that, you may want to reevaluate how you kiss your children.

lisajo76 lisajo76

Getting along and playing kissy face are two very different things. I'll take a huge pass on that one. Now if my ex husband were Seal....

nicol... nicolee0821

I will never be friends

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