Sex Confession: Wife Allowed Husband to Be With Another Woman

Twisted 25

set him free quote"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

Paul* and Anna* have been married for seven years. They have a son who is 3 and seemingly have a happy marriage with no issues. And they are happy -- very happy Anna insists, but a little incident last year has made Anna concerned now. She allowed her husband to sleep with another woman. And he did. Just once. And they hadn't talked about it much until recently. I'll let Anna explain.

Paul and I have had those talks that so many couples do about who our free pass would be. Mine is Charlie Hunnam and we've joked about it when we watch Sons of Anarchy. (I can't wait for Fifty Shades of Grey movie!) Paul's free pass was Jennifer Lopez until one day when we were playfully discussing these celebrity crushes that we clearly never would have a chance with and he said he would add Jessica* to the list. Jessica is our friend. More his friend than mine, but I like her very much. She and Paul used to work together and we'd go out with her and her husband quite often before we had kids. Jessica ended up getting a new job and divorced, and moved about an hour away though Paul still kept in touch with her here and there.

For some reason I told him I would allow him to have a free pass with Jessica. I really thought I wasn't truly agreeing to anything. I never thought it would happen. And I wasn't even jealous when he told me she would be his free pass because I think it's healthy to be attracted to other people and playfully think about it. He was telling me about it so I just thought it was just that -- him telling me he had the hots for his friend Jessica.

This was last year. And a few weeks after that conversation, he told me he spoke to Jessica and she was into it. He wanted me to honor that free pass. So I did. And I regret it.

Maybe I didn't think it would really happen. Maybe I was shocked that he actually asked her if she wanted to have sex with him. But it happened. Just once. And I can't help but feel totally insecure in my relationship now even though I said it was okay. We never discussed it in those early days after it happened. But in the last few months I've wanted to know more. He says it wasn't that great. That he thought about me. That they don't really talk anymore as friends. But I'm not sure how to deal with it all.

What do you think Anna should do? Would you ever allow your husband to be with another woman?

 

*Names have been changed.

Image via Son of Groucho/Flickr

commitment, cheating, marriage, sex confession

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Lilit... Lilith.23

Seriously! A free pass????? You're husband??!

If ever Isaac even remotely asked me for a free pass I'd kick the living shit out of him and make him sleep in the shed. And we're only boyfriend and girlfriend. We've been together since junior high! And yeah we've joked about it, hell i even let him do his fantasy role play on me, ME not some other woman. He's a fucking dick! You're husband pulled a bitch move on your ass lady and you took it hard!

nonmember avatar KEL

I will never understand why two people will take vows to love, cherish, honor, and stay faithful to each other till death and then do everything they can to break it. I know people have been hellbent on redefining marriage in recent decades (I have known people in polymory who marry one partner, and include their other partners as wedding party, for example), but marriage is marriage, and the vows themselves (unless you have a completely customized ceremony) even at courthouses are the standard. I have been married 3 years, and my husband and I stay faithful, and work to maintain our love, friendship, and relationship so that our marriage and vows remain happy and healthy. You essentially got what you asked for, lady, and regardless what others might say, something had to be wrong in thr marriage for him to want to stray (even with permission) despite the fact he regrets it now. Did you really agree because you thought he wouldn't or because you worried he would no matter what you said? Counseling is in order, because pretending the chips and cracks aren't there is the fast track to divorce.

nonmember avatar KitKatKittie

LOL @ you thinking it "ONLY HAPPENED ONCE." He only told you it happened once. If he liked it, he probably went back for seconds and thirds.

Amy San

unfortunately this will probably be the end of your relationship sooner or later.. it will never be the same..

nonmember avatar Cass

I think you should seek therapy. I would also explain your feelings to your husband and gauge whether he's blowing you off or feels terrible that you're hurting because of something he did. Jealousy is a normal response, but it can be overcome with work and love, if that's what you want to do. Please don't let the other asshole commenters make you feel bad. The only definition of marriage that should matter to you is the one you wish to follow. I wish you both the best in recovering and moving forward.

nonmember avatar Tammy

If you are regretting it, you never were really okay with your husband sleeping with another woman. When he asked you to honor you should have said no. I think couples counseling to work on the issue now is a must if you want to continue your marriage.Counseling for you individually as well to figure out the root of why you honored something that you are uncomfortable with.

youth... youthfulsoul

Sleeping around outside your marriage is a recipe for disaster.

nonmember avatar Jen

This is why I said women who would take back a cheating spouse are doormats with low self-esteem; because they ARE.

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