9 Reasons Newlyweds Are Incredibly Annoying

LOL 23

wedding ringsBeing a newlywed is a special time. You've still got that fab bod you worked your butt off for to fit into your gown, and the tan to boot. You're getting laid on the regular. And you no longer have to listen to Great Aunt Fanny's rant about cows and free milk. But ladies who have recently been married, a word if I may?

I'm so happy for you!

But the world is pretty sick of you and your whole smug schtick.

Let me just come out and say it: you're annoying. Really. Freaking. Annoying.

Gasp! Could it be? Is this really what people think of you?

Short answer: probably.

Longer answer: there are a few of you out there who are A-OK, but most newly married people are bothering the pants out of their friends and family.

Not sure if you fit the profile? Let's just say if you do anything on this list, you are one of the "smug newlyweds" that tops the list of most annoying Facebook users ever:

1. You are giving out marriage advice. Hon, you've been married for seven minutes. Get back to us when you've survived the seven-year itch, and then we'll talk.

2. You're still updating your "wedding" Pinterest board. Yes, since you have "update to Facebook" checked, we can see that you're doing it. Enough already; it's OVER.

3. You used to start every sentence with "my fiance," but now you start it with "my husband." We get it; you're married. You can just refer to him as Bill, and we'll still know who you're talking about.

4. You've invited friends over to "check out the wedding album." Remember back in the '80s when your parents would have friends over to view the slides of your trip to the beach? You have become your parents.

5. You carry the wedding album WITH YOU. You have heard of Facebook, right?

9 annoying newlywed traits to avoid at all cost6. You complain about all the thank-you notes you have to write. Oh, poor you! All that free stuff is such a burden, isn't it?

7. You think it's just so amazing how your new husband loads the dishwasher, and you share the whole process in detail. So he's a modern man; he's not inventing the freakin' wheel here. Get back to us when you realize his poop really does stink like everyone else's (because, yes, one day you're going to walk into that bathroom and OMG).

8. You think you have the answers to every single girl's problems. Just because you've sealed the deal doesn't make you the Yoda of singledom.

9. From the way you talk, you have more sex in a week than Christian Grey has in a month. It's like that old adage, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, does it make a sound? If a newlywed has great sex and no one hears about it, did she still achieve orgasm? Why don't you test that one out for us?

What drives you up the wall about your newlywed friends?

 

Image by Jeanne Sager

marriage, love, living together, weddings

23 Comments

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B1Bomber B1Bomber

Meh, I love the rose colored glasses newlyweds wear. So much, in fact, that I've decided never to take mine off, as I'm fairly certain my parents never did - and they celebrate 30 years in a few months.

BGarcel BGarcel

Nothing drives me up the wall about my newlywed friends. They are happy and Im not about to be a bitch and get in the way of their happiness. I was/is a newlywed too (4 years) and I remember how I was back then. I can ignore their wedding pinterest updates, decline their invitations to see the photo album, disregard the overuse of the words 'my husband', not stress them out over not getting a thank you card..... Why be a bitch about it all?

nonmember avatar TRS

Pffft. Smug marrieds bug me way more than people who have finally found their love.
Smug marrieds who suddenly don't know ANY Single people, who have abandoned their single friends - permanently now that the Marrieds have children.
Who complain about and don't appreciate their husbands, and whine about who took the garbage out.
Honey, I've been taking my own garbage out for nearly 30 years. And I'll be able to do it with a ring on my finger too. Poor baby.

domin... dominicsmomm688

kinda sounds like whoever wrote this is bitter im just saying none of these things bother me 

nonmember avatar NoWay

What's wrong with saying "My Husband" or "My Wife" ... I know people who have been married for years and years who still say this. I plan to do so as well. And I agree with B1 ... my parents have been married almost 45 years and are still love birds. I hope to be the same with my husband ... one year and going strong. :) I think you may just be jealous that your honeymoon is over ...

coupo... coupon_ash_back

To me, it's when they boast about how happy they are (which is fine) and say that they don't understand why people say marriage is hard....


you've been married for how long?

Ashley Kissinger

Yes to all of these!  And haha Coupon_ash_back.  I think the attitude is the main thing here that perseveres--they act like now that they are part of the married kingdom, it is as if they have always been there, and they will now act as your tour guide and guru until you reach the married promised land.  Please!  Save your sanctimonious B.S. for the other marrieds, although I'm sure you are somehow getting eye rolls from them as well...

Prett... PrettyGirlMyers

I'm a newlywed and haven't done any of these thing. The writer of this article strikes me as single and bitter.

Ally Swarrow

Wow. Someone is a bitter bitch

Todd Vrancic

How about understanding that a newlywed is usually excited and happy and would like to share it with you?  What's wrong with sharing happiness?

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