When it comes to dating, there are so many frustrations. It's a helluva lot of work, time, energy, and disappointment -- but the payoff and the potential of finding The One is so great, that we all keep doing it. Probably one of the thornier issues of dating -- besides when to sleep together -- is who pays. Traditionally, guys pay. And I'm of the mindset that if they ask you out, they should pay, even if it's just for a small cup of watered down coffee (though good luck with a second date on that one, buddy). A guy doesn't have to take a new girl to a fancy expensive restaurant on the first date and then cough up $500 for a chick he may never see again or even want to see again. But look, dudes, we have the babies. You pick up the check on the first date. End of story. However, some guys see it differently. They see it SO differently that they get rather, well, unhinged, if you don't chalk up your half of the date.
Take this guy Kishore Nimmala, who reportedly went on a date with a woman named Fakhara Sultana, whom he met on dating site Zoosk.
When the get-to-know-you was over, Nimmala insisted that Sultana pay for her half of the $85 bill. When she explained that she had assumed he would pay, and brought no money with her, he was reportedly so irate about it that he chased her down the street and stole her Blackberry as collateral until she paid up her half.
He was so convinced that he was in the right and she had somehow duped him that when police collared him, he told them the woman had "taken [his] money" and that he was merely holding her phone until she "paid her share." He was, of course, arrested instead.
What we have here is a case of diametrically opposed expectations. Sultana assumed her date would pay to the point where she didn't bring any money with her. A silly idea, really. What if you need money for an emergency? But this is a gal who is obviously accustomed to getting her dates paid for.
I am not sure that Nimmala didn't expect to pay for the date. He must have known this is a rather common expectation -- unless he's a young guy. People in their 20s are much more accustomed to splitting tabs.
My guess is that he came to the date with heavily weighted expectations -- I'll pay for the date, but then you owe me x, y, z. Whether it's sex, a kiss, or the promise of a second date, I'm going to theorize that once Nimmala realized he wasn't getting any of those, he got very angry.
No one was in the right here. It's not a definitive that a guy has to pay for you, and you shouldn't 100% expect it. It's a traditional courtesy, that's all, and the guy can rescind it any time he likes, giving you the option of not seeing him again if you don't appreciate that.
But the guy has no right to expect anything because he dropped money. I don't care if it's $10 or $1,000. That was HIS choice to pay. No one forced him. You don't get to buy a woman on a date like you'd buy a gallon of peanut butter in the store. If you want guaranteed physical interaction, then you know where to go. (Nevada?)
Should couples discuss this kind of thing before dates? I'd say yes, because it would save so much trouble and miscommunication and hurt feelings.
But, let's be real, no one is going to do that.
On the plus side, Sultana found out her date was a thief and a cheapskate in a few hours, as opposed to years.
Who pays on a first date?
Image via Migulpdl/Flickr