Man Steals Date's Cell Phone Because Traditional Dating Rules Are Totally Unfair

Love & Learn 18

When it comes to dating, there are so many frustrations. It's a helluva lot of work, time, energy, and disappointment -- but the payoff and the potential of finding The One is so great, that we all keep doing it. Probably one of the thornier issues of dating -- besides when to sleep together -- is who pays. Traditionally, guys pay. And I'm of the mindset that if they ask you out, they should pay, even if it's just for a small cup of watered down coffee (though good luck with a second date on that one, buddy). A guy doesn't have to take a new girl to a fancy expensive restaurant on the first date and then cough up $500 for a chick he may never see again or even want to see again. But look, dudes, we have the babies. You pick up the check on the first date. End of story. However, some guys see it differently. They see it SO differently that they get rather, well, unhinged, if you don't chalk up your half of the date.

Take this guy Kishore Nimmala, who reportedly went on a date with a woman named Fakhara Sultana, whom he met on dating site Zoosk.

When the get-to-know-you was over, Nimmala insisted that Sultana pay for her half of the $85 bill. When she explained that she had assumed he would pay, and brought no money with her, he was reportedly so irate about it that he chased her down the street and stole her Blackberry as collateral until she paid up her half.

He was so convinced that he was in the right and she had somehow duped him that when police collared him, he told them the woman had "taken [his] money" and that he was merely holding her phone until she "paid her share." He was, of course, arrested instead.

What we have here is a case of diametrically opposed expectations. Sultana assumed her date would pay to the point where she didn't bring any money with her. A silly idea, really. What if you need money for an emergency? But this is a gal who is obviously accustomed to getting her dates paid for.

I am not sure that Nimmala didn't expect to pay for the date. He must have known this is a rather common expectation -- unless he's a young guy. People in their 20s are much more accustomed to splitting tabs.

My guess is that he came to the date with heavily weighted expectations -- I'll pay for the date, but then you owe me x, y, z. Whether it's sex, a kiss, or the promise of a second date, I'm going to theorize that once Nimmala realized he wasn't getting any of those, he got very angry.

No one was in the right here. It's not a definitive that a guy has to pay for you, and you shouldn't 100% expect it. It's a traditional courtesy, that's all, and the guy can rescind it any time he likes, giving you the option of not seeing him again if you don't appreciate that.

But the guy has no right to expect anything because he dropped money. I don't care if it's $10 or $1,000. That was HIS choice to pay. No one forced him. You don't get to buy a woman on a date like you'd buy a gallon of peanut butter in the store. If you want guaranteed physical interaction, then you know where to go. (Nevada?)

Should couples discuss this kind of thing before dates? I'd say yes, because it would save so much trouble and miscommunication and hurt feelings.

But, let's be real, no one is going to do that.

On the plus side, Sultana found out her date was a thief and a cheapskate in a few hours, as opposed to years.

Who pays on a first date?


Image via Migulpdl/Flickr

in the news, love, dating


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nonmember avatar Cass

I think it depends on the situation. If its at all casual, I pay for my own. If its a nice, sit down place, I give him a second to take the check. If he does anything other than confidently grab the check, I immediately take out my card to pay my half. It's nice if he pays, but it's not necessary. I wouldn't ever think any less of someone unless they seemed to expect it.

nonmember avatar Jocelyn

This guy sounds passive aggressive but I'm a girl and never understood why girls wouldn't pay for half or even all if you have money. People say "This isn't the 60's,we can do everything guys can do." Yeah,so we can pay for the dinner!

Sarah Cazier

Back in my dating days I ALWAYS came prepared to split the bill. If I had a really great time I paid! Certainly in most cases if a guy was interested in seeing me again he would insist on paying. Who paid for subsequent dates differed with each relationship... but unless a guy asked me out and added the verbiage "my treat!", I never assumed he was paying for both of us.

Coles... Coles_mom

I must be old. I teach my sons (I have two) to hold doors open for women, no means no, and you WILL always pay for a date....even if she asks you!!!

Kaela Wheeler

No. Just no. If a guy asks me out, he's paying. If I asked him out, I'll be prepared to pay, but let him be a gentleman and pay if he offers. After we've really started dating (you know, not just going out on formally planned dates here and there), then I start insisting on paying for a healthy share of the date, grocery bills, movies, etc. We never went dutch, I think that's just a stingy move.

Juliet Jeske

If they guy asks out the woman...the man should pay for the date.  Women get asked out a lot more than men, and we are making the choice to spend our time with them.  We could just sit at home by ourselves, we are taking the chance that they might be a good connection or match.  They pick the place they want to take us, they should pay.  After the first couple of dates, it's up to the couple on how to split bills, but the first should pay for the date.  It gets a little murky for me if the woman asks the man out, but most of the times it's men doing the asking, so they should pay.  

Michael Weldon

Whomever asks should pay, or at least be prepared to pay for the date.

nonmember avatar Nicole

wow, first what a terrible date to have it end like that, good thing this douche got arrested for his behavior and making his own laws...I would worry more if this lady said yes to a second date with this man...and probably learn her lesson and never ever assume anything. always expect to pay your own way until it is otherwise offered.

nonmember avatar Billie

This is another patriarchal tradition that needs to die. When my girl friends asks me to dinner I certainly don't expect them to pay for me. And she certainly doesn't expect to pay simply because she asked me.

I can't believe this is still a topic of conversation. What exactly is the man paying for, ladies ?

redK8... redK8blueSt8

On a date, in the beginning, the man should always pay. Even if she brings money to split the check he should vehemently oppose and insist that he pay. It's called chivalry and being a gentleman.

Later, when a relationship is established, then she can pay, occasionally.

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