"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.
There are lots of things we fear. Things we should be afraid of and things we shouldn't -- we know the difference. But Tara*, a 30-something married mom of four kids under 6 has a huge fear that really affecting her marriage, specifically her sex life. She has four kids under 6 -- a 1-year-old, 3-year-old twins, and a 5-year-old. I think you can guess what she's afraid of ... having sex and getting pregnant again. I'm kind of amazed her and her husband even have the time to try to have sex, but they do. Yet whenever those times come around, Tara has been saying no and her husband isn't happy. I'll let her explain.
Jake* and I have been married for 8 years and we have four kids. We got right down to making babies soon after our wedding and all has been wonderful and lovely and happiness and roses but I'm done. Womb is closed. But Jake isn't ready to make anything permanent because he thinks we may change our minds and want to have another baby in the next few years. I'm done! I told him. DONE. But who knows, I may change my mind in a few years and want another baby though I really, truly highly doubt that. I love our family the way it is. I have a hard enough time balancing everything as it is now, but it gets done, we all get it done together, and all is great.
Because I know Jake still wants to have more kids and because I know I'm not into that I'm afraid to have sex with him. What if I get pregnant? I'm not on any kind of birth control because it makes me nutty. Even still, I was on birth control when I got pregnant with babies 2 and 3. Jake doesn't put on a condom when we have sex so the fear of possibly getting pregnant overrides my desire to have sex. Jake doesn't get it. He thinks if we do get pregnant we should just be happy about it and see it as a blessing. Which I would, but I'm not ready to have another baby -- I don't want 5 kids under 7. So because I really don't trust the situation I choose to say no to sex.
He doesn't get it. He gets upset with me. I don't want him to be upset with me. But I'm scared. It seems like all he has to do is breathe in my direction and I get pregnant so I'm thinking we should cool it for a little bit. Or figure something else out -- a birth control that is better or a more drastic measure of me getting my tubes tied. The problem is Jake isn't into that because of wanting more kids.
I just don't know what to do. I want to stay connected, sexually, and I want to keep communication going well between us. But we aren't seeing eye to eye here.
What do you think Tara should do? Have you ever felt like she does?
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