5 Things You Should Never Tell a Friend About Her Husband

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friend's marriageOne of the first (and most important) rules of friendship is that if a friend is married, you don't talk smack about her hubby. This doesn't mean that if a woman is in a truly abusive relationship, you let it slide. But this is more a rule for the everyday stuff that happens in marriage. If a friend ever complains about her husband, you nod, listen, laugh, even add your own complaint about YOUR hubby, but you never (ever) agree

The problem with saying things about a friend's husband is that she will inevitably forgive him and then YOU are the bad guy. Of course, that's not the only no-no when it comes to friend's spouses. This is territory you will want to tread very lightly on for many, many reasons.

With that in mind, here are five things you should never say to a friend's husband:

marriage1.) He's hot: Look, he may be the hottest thing going. He may be Joe Manganiello-level delicious, but if you say it, she will be on alert. This also goes for directly complimenting him. His looks? Might as well not exist. It doesn't matter for your purposes.

2.) Yeah, I agree, he is an asshole: Your job as a friend is to listen to her. It's NOT to agree with her. Sure, you might think he needs to do more around the house, but keep that to yourself unless it's really something bad.

3.) When is he going to get a real job?: Stay SO far away from career stuff when it comes to men. For a lot of women, it's a very sore point even when she is doing the complaining. Sure, you may wonder why he is spending all his time teaching surf lessons, but it's not your business. Not all men have to be lawyers.

4.) Too bad Bobby [or insert ex name] got away from you: Complimenting her ex is like saying her husband is a loser. Trust me. Don't go there. Besides, you don't want to be responsible for her being reminded of her amazing ex. At all.

5.) How big is he? (and I don't mean height): Never, ever, EVER (do you hear me? NEVER) talk about a friend's husband's penis. It's just a BAD idea. It will make everyone miserable and uncomfortable, and even if she DOES answer, it will make you imagine things you need not imagine. Just no. Don't say it.

What things would you never say to your friend about her husband?

Image via Tony Alter/Flickr



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Brain... BrainyMommy

#1 is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Any woman who worries about that one deserves to have her husband leave her for being an utter loser.

JS0512 JS0512

Agree with BrainyMommy.  I trust my friends and my boyfriend enough to not let this worry me.  I've heard it from a few of them and seen the looks he gets in public sometimes.  Doesn't bother me in the least.  I know that, without fail, he's coming home to me every night.

nonmember avatar KW

I wouldn't say #1 because the connotation of "hot" is more along the lines of being sexually appealing. I definitely do my best to not think of my friends hubbys in a sexual way. "He looks great/fit/cute/handsome/stylish today", sure. Not a big deal, or a jealousy thing, more like why I also don't tell my sis-in-law that my brother looks hot (ew). Could just be how I interpret the word...

nonmember avatar Kristi

He hit on me Saturday. Yep won't be sharing that one.

nonmember avatar Sylvana

wait, Kristi, are you saying that you're friends husband hit on you? because that IS something you should be telling your friend. Before he goes out and finds someone more willing.
Was it hardcore hit or not? If more on the not side i kinda understand why you didn't, but still!

Cynthia Teeters

I trust no one. I'm not jealous, I'm protective and in my experience I've learned "Friends" are the first to burn you! There is no coincidence that "Friend" and "Fiend" are one letter apart. Just sayin. 

adopt... adoption2013

I've got one for you.  If your friend is in an exclusive dating relationship but isn't cohabitating or married the reason why is none of your business.  Asking when the loser is going to come through or calling at every holiday to ask if you got a ring is not appropriate.  (no I'm not just bitter I just don't think that the fact that he spends the night more than they know and it's actually beneficial tax wise for us not to live together because of our incomes is their business.lol). Other than that I think your list is a nobrainer but for once I completely agree.  I have several friends who married the first unemployed loser who asked and I've not said one word. I have another who married a criminal. I shake my head and say nada. You can't win.

bluca... blucandie

well call me a bad friend then bc I surely point out my friend's husband's shortcomings. Especially once they become an ex. I will say that I also point out & brag on them for their good moments too. I listen to what they have to vent about & then I usually (if possible) give 2 sides. the good side & the bad side. but i have never gotten any bad reaction from my friends about it. maybe it depends on your friends & the husbands. I call it like I see it.

Roche... RochesterGal

I agree on every one of them.  Keep your big mouth shut if you want the friendship because it is none of your business.  Too each, her own.  I have friends whose husbands (in my opinion) are total ahole's, but it does not mean that they are not good fathers and providers.  I'm pretty intolerant and rigid , most people are more easy going then me and they will put up with alot; and I don't mean abuse or adultery, just plain stupidity and inconsideration. 

nonmember avatar Lisa

I think these can apply with some friends, but each one is different. I have two friends I've known since junior high...20 years now, and there's very little we haven't talked about in terms of relationships. The good, the bad, the size...yep. We just always know there's a line between sympathy, advice, and disrespect. Real friends can tell each other they've gone too far without getting upset, but 'too far' is different for everyone.

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