One of the first (and most important) rules of friendship is that if a friend is married, you don't talk smack about her hubby. This doesn't mean that if a woman is in a truly abusive relationship, you let it slide. But this is more a rule for the everyday stuff that happens in marriage. If a friend ever complains about her husband, you nod, listen, laugh, even add your own complaint about YOUR hubby, but you never (ever) agree
The problem with saying things about a friend's husband is that she will inevitably forgive him and then YOU are the bad guy. Of course, that's not the only no-no when it comes to friend's spouses. This is territory you will want to tread very lightly on for many, many reasons.
With that in mind, here are five things you should never say to a friend's husband:
1.) He's hot: Look, he may be the hottest thing going. He may be Joe Manganiello-level delicious, but if you say it, she will be on alert. This also goes for directly complimenting him. His looks? Might as well not exist. It doesn't matter for your purposes.
2.) Yeah, I agree, he is an asshole: Your job as a friend is to listen to her. It's NOT to agree with her. Sure, you might think he needs to do more around the house, but keep that to yourself unless it's really something bad.
3.) When is he going to get a real job?: Stay SO far away from career stuff when it comes to men. For a lot of women, it's a very sore point even when she is doing the complaining. Sure, you may wonder why he is spending all his time teaching surf lessons, but it's not your business. Not all men have to be lawyers.
4.) Too bad Bobby [or insert ex name] got away from you: Complimenting her ex is like saying her husband is a loser. Trust me. Don't go there. Besides, you don't want to be responsible for her being reminded of her amazing ex. At all.
5.) How big is he? (and I don't mean height): Never, ever, EVER (do you hear me? NEVER) talk about a friend's husband's penis. It's just a BAD idea. It will make everyone miserable and uncomfortable, and even if she DOES answer, it will make you imagine things you need not imagine. Just no. Don't say it.
What things would you never say to your friend about her husband?
Image via Tony Alter/Flickr