For some reason, researchers are obsessed with finding new and usually, seemingly bummer stats for us about marriage, divorce, sex, basically anything and everything related to our most important, personal relationships. Like doubts before your wedding mean you're headed for a divorce. (Eye roll.) Or fighting is the secret to a happy marriage. The latest: 30 to 40 percent of couples sleep apart, according to a study out of Ryerson University in Toronto.
Sounds startling and sad at first read, right? But believe it or not, the researchers actually seem to have a sunny outlook about the finding!
They say that sleeping separately is not necessarily an indicator of the relationship being on the rocks. In fact, they say couples who don't share the same bed may be even better off. Gasp! You don't say! Yes, that was sarcasm. Do we really need researchers to tell us this? Well, maybe they do because there are some who think it's a travesty when couples sleep separately ... But I'm not one of 'em.
I knew my husband and I were meant to be in part because I had no problem falling asleep next to him, and I'd never been comfortable enough to do that before. And for the past six and a half years, sleeping in our shared queen-sized bed has been natural and downright lovely experience ... some nights. Not the nights when one of us is sick, snoring, or experiencing other less than pleasant midnight disturbances that keep the other from getting their Zs.
Thankfully, over time, DH has done a wonderful job anticipating when he might not be the best bedmate (or maybe when he also doesn't feel like dealing with the bad bed behavior he claims I'm guilty of, which is stealing all the covers, pfft), and he relegates himself to the couch. I know, how sweet! And that's what I'm talkin' bout! It definitely keeps our relationship healthy (cuz we're well-rested!) and happy to sleep apart certain nights.
Of course I'm all for the benefits of being together between the sheets -- pillow talk, cuddling, spooning, chatting, nuzzling, goofing around, SEX! (obvs), etc. -- but all of that can be done on the couch or before bedtime before you go your separate ways, if that's what works best for you. Ultimately, the actual act of snoozing through the night with one another isn't imperative. Though it can be wonderful to wake up next to your partner ... as long as they don't have horrendous morning breath!
What do you think about this study? Do you sleep separately or together -- and does it hurt or help your relationship?