Sleeping Apart May Be the Secret to Keeping Your Relationship Alive

Say What!? 10

couple sleeping in separate bedsFor some reason, researchers are obsessed with finding new and usually, seemingly bummer stats for us about marriage, divorce, sex, basically anything and everything related to our most important, personal relationships. Like doubts before your wedding mean you're headed for a divorce. (Eye roll.) Or fighting is the secret to a happy marriage. The latest: 30 to 40 percent of couples sleep apart, according to a study out of Ryerson University in Toronto.

Sounds startling and sad at first read, right? But believe it or not, the researchers actually seem to have a sunny outlook about the finding!

They say that sleeping separately is not necessarily an indicator of the relationship being on the rocks. In fact, they say couples who don't share the same bed may be even better offGasp! You don't say! Yes, that was sarcasm. Do we really need researchers to tell us this? Well, maybe they do because there are some who think it's a travesty when couples sleep separately ... But I'm not one of 'em.

I knew my husband and I were meant to be in part because I had no problem falling asleep next to him, and I'd never been comfortable enough to do that before. And for the past six and a half years, sleeping in our shared queen-sized bed has been natural and downright lovely experience ... some nights. Not the nights when one of us is sick, snoring, or experiencing other less than pleasant midnight disturbances that keep the other from getting their Zs.

Thankfully, over time, DH has done a wonderful job anticipating when he might not be the best bedmate (or maybe when he also doesn't feel like dealing with the bad bed behavior he claims I'm guilty of, which is stealing all the covers, pfft), and he relegates himself to the couch. I know, how sweet! And that's what I'm talkin' bout! It definitely keeps our relationship healthy (cuz we're well-rested!) and happy to sleep apart certain nights.

Of course I'm all for the benefits of being together between the sheets -- pillow talk, cuddling, spooning, chatting, nuzzling, goofing around, SEX! (obvs), etc. -- but all of that can be done on the couch or before bedtime before you go your separate ways, if that's what works best for you. Ultimately, the actual act of snoozing through the night with one another isn't imperative. Though it can be wonderful to wake up next to your partner ... as long as they don't have horrendous morning breath!

What do you think about this study? Do you sleep separately or together -- and does it hurt or help your relationship?


love, living together, in the news, marriage


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caral... caralicious

Me and my husband do this! I agree its just better to not fight just sleep

early... earlybird11

My husband has been sleeping in the guest ro for one month. He hates our bed, says its uncomfortable and I say the same about the guest room bed. We spend all the time until bedtime together, one ofbus will usually cuddle in the opposite room a bit and then head to seperate beds. He hates it. Joked he js goinf to move the guest bed in the master room, for me I like it. I love not having to share the king sized bed. Looks like we will have to go bed shopping in the next week or two, but until then ill enjoy these small moments

nonmember avatar Faith

Sometimes I could sleep with my hubby snoring (It would lull me to sleep) & other nights it would keep me awake until I fell into an exhausted sleep. Go figure -.O

Ty Tripp

This has been the norm for us since our first pregnancy. I tossed and turned a lot, needed the extra room for stuffing pillows between the legs, then the late nights with feeding and cosleeping. So if he wanted sleep, our bedroom wasnt the place. Especially if he has to get up in the morning for work. Luckilly, I'm a SAHM. At first I was upset, but then I got used to having the bed to myself for 2 hours before a lil boy wakes up for his 1 of 20million feedings during the night, or my hubby accidently waking me up climbing into bed late after a night of programming. He gets sleep, I get SAHM sleep, and we make it work for us. We still cuddle and do the do, we're just more creative about it :-)

Arian... AriannaBadwolf

mine usually snores enough to kill a bear, so separate is okay for me. I co sleep with baby, he saws logs in the other room :) we get our cuddles and other stuff in before bed

tonad... tonadotess

My husband travels extensively for work, so he is not home most of the time to share the bed. When he is home, sometimes we sleep together, sometimes we don't. It isn't due to anger or anything. Sometimes he snores, sometimes I do. Sometimes one of us is sick, or twitchy, or not tired yet. Our relationship of 15 years is fine, amazing even!

Briana Platukis

Me and my 21 month daughter co-sleep... the bed really isnt comfortable with 3 of us in bed, especially since my daughter is a wiggle worm of a sleeper.  My husband sleeps in the guest bedroom mostly.  Eventually my daughter will learn to sleep in her own bed and my husband will come back to our room :o)

nonmember avatar Mel

My husband and I slept in separate beds for over a year when my daughter was a baby. She co-slept with me... I couldn't sleep without her there, and he couldn't sleep with her there.

Derek W. Newell

Hi, please view my relationship poem, go to Google, type in my name, Derek Newell  Poet, and then view my poem,''EXPRESS IT''.  Thank You.

nonmember avatar Olivia

"Lmao" I knew I wasn't the only one in the world that do this with my bf ! Well we just bought

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