6 Signs Your Expectations Are Way Too High in Relationships

Love & Learn 11

Sometimes dating is like stepping into a world of delusion. There are so many people out there with outsized expectations of what their "soul mate" should be. Of course, I'm not saying you should settle for just anything. I've seen too much of that too. But people are people -- they're not superheroes, cartoons, or characters from movies or fiction. Still, that doesn't stop some people for looking for perfection -- which, frankly, they will never find. Brandi Glanville seems to be hitting up against this nonsense, as she recently tweeted:

Here are six signs your expectations are too high.

1. You keep getting rejected. Unless you have a seriously antisocial personality or your pits reek, chances are that you should at least occasionally get pursued by a member of the opposite sex or have people willing to go on at least a first date with you. If it seems like you're getting turned down a lot, you're probably shooting outside your league. In plain English, if you're a 6, you're not going to get a 10. Stop trying. The problem is that most 6s think they're 10s.

2. Your list of dealbreakers is all superficial. Most people have dealbreakers and a list of qualities they want a partner to have. But if yours is more about "has to be over six feet tall," "has to have good abs," "has to have blue eyes," than "has to be a good person," "has to have never cheated," "has to care about people other than himself," you're focusing on the wrong things.

3. Short-term relationship history. If you're in your 30s or 40s and have never had a relationship last more than a couple of years, your expectations are definitely too high.

4. You expect a relationship to go the way it does in your mind. Imagine if someone you were dating had a bunch of preconceived ideas about what you should say, think, do, how you should dress, how you should walk, how you should handle your emotions, how much money you should make, how you should look when you wake up in the morning, etc. Chances are, you wouldn't live up to any of it. So don't do that to another person. Men are not mind-readers and it's up to you to say what you want and expect.

5. You have romantic ideals of a "soul mate." No one can make you happy, fulfill your life, or "complete" you. I don't care what Jerry Maguire says. A person can only contribute to your happiness so much. It's really not anyone else's responsibility to give you a reason to wake up in the morning. Would you want that responsibility for someone else?

6. You want someone who is the opposite sex version of you. It's okay to want compatibility -- someone who isn't allergic to cats if you have them; someone who likes the outdoors if that's your passion. But when you begin to expect someone to like the same food, music, movies, books you do, as well as have the same opinions, politics, ideas, thoughts, etc. Well, you apparently just want to date yourself. And that's what you'll end up doing.

Do you ever get the feeling your expectations are too high?

Image via Kevin Dooley/Flickr

dating, love


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Jaghd810 Jaghd810

There is no such thing as having too high of expectations when finding a person to marry.  I for one will not settle just because.  I am fine on my own and I don't need to have someone else.  I would like to but I don't need to.  And I am certainly not going to lower my expectations.  I know what I need to be happy.  It seems to me the blogger is full of sour grapes.

the4m... the4mutts

6S and 10s??? Seriously?!?

Look, while everyone takes a 2nd glance at an "odd couple", when it comes to attraction, there are no 6s and 10s. Its all personal taste. How DARE you insinuate that someone is going after someone thats too good looking for them?

There is someone for everyone, and different tastes make the world go round.

Ps, nobody should settle, just to have someone. Even dumbasses like you deserve to have their ideal mate. Im sure theres someone out there who thinks you're fantastic. Even if none of us can fathom why.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

Couldn't have said it better myself @the4mutts! Kiri, you go from being horribly superificial about looks in sign #1, and then try and convince others (yourself?) that you shouldn't focus on the superficial in sign #2? Come on now.

Todd Vrancic

Sixes and tens?  Are you still in high school?  Besides nothing is more off-putting than someone who has been told they're "beautiful" thinking that physical attractiveness is all they need to bring to the table, so to speak.

nonmember avatar Jen

Well, I for one agree with everything you said.

Damn. I comment so much I may as well get an account lol.

nonmember avatar Dylan777

This resonated with me a lot! Very helpful to read. As I have gotten older I have let go of many shallow traits I was looking for and as a result have finally been meeting available, intelligent, interested-in-a-comitted-relationship men. There is a lot to say for having too high of expectations. For me, I think it was a defense mechanism for a while...

jkp-buff jkp-buff

Sixes and tens is why I always had to ask guys out myself. The guys I liked always assumed I was out of their league and never even tried to pursue me. I like guys that a lot of other girls would peg as a 5 or less on physical attractiveness, but they were a 10 on brains, which is what I really like. Give me a brainy guy over a hot guy any day.

nonmember avatar Catherine

Wow…thanks for perpetuating that thought that I'm not good enough. I've never been pursued by the opposite sex, or had an invitation accepted. I've tired, I've put myself out there. I have the most broad "type" of anyone I know (i.e., I'm so not picky). So all this article has told me is that there's clearly something wrong with me. Thanks. Thanks for that.

nonmember avatar Lisa

Sixes and tens: it is not necessarily about looks. Author didn't mention appearance in the first paragraph. And I agree with her. For example, if I look quite good, have a slim figure, MA, have a career, don't smoke and don't do drugs - so let suppose I am 8. I would never date a lazy junkie who works as a road sweeper and smokes like a chimney. We even will have nothing to talk about and I would be ashamed to introduce a guy like that to my friends.

Evaluation is based on personality, intelligence, well, wealth and appearance.
And everyone evaluates others. Don't pretend you don't!

nonmember avatar jsm

I agree this blogger has sour grapes and also sounds really judgemental of single people!

Not everyone is single because their expectations are too high! They may well just be waiting for the right person.

I waited to marry until my late 30's to find the right person and I'm glad I did. I'm so happy with my marriage.

If I had settled for the guys that I met before then it just wouldn't have worked out.

So stop being so judgemental and suggesting singles are all unreasonable.

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