My Paranoia About Getting Pregnant Is Causing Big Problems in the Bedroom

woman in bedEver since the first time I had sex, I've been afraid. Not of the sex, please. Just like any other woman with a healthy libido -- I enjoy the sex. What I don't enjoy is what can happen because of sex. Nope, not a commitment-phobe. I am, however, frightened of becoming pregnant.

The answer to your question is yes. At some point or another, I'm going to want a child. At that point, when hopefully I'm married, financially stable, and prepared -- that child will be my everything. But now? For the past 10 years? No. I'm just not ready. Nowhere close.

The fear, it's cautionary and a little irrational. Despite being on the pill for years and years now, I rarely have unprotected sex. In a three-year relationship that ended not all that long ago, I could count those risque encounters on one hand.

And you know what? I think it's safe to say that my fear drives every single man I ever date insane. Who am I kidding? It's driving me insane, too.

Sex is an intimate thing. It's a close thing. At the end of the day: It's a big deal. It's frustrating, knowing that for so many people without this fear, getting hot and heavy is spontaneous. It's fun. It can be done anywhere, anytime, without a care in the world. For me, though, I do care. Even if STDs were non-existent, I get anxiety every time my partner and I do the deed without that extra protection. To be really frank with you: Pull out or stop. It's not just any anxiety, either. This anxiety prevents me from continuing on in my day-to-day life.

However, I'm human. In the moment, it's easy to say "screw it" (and me) and let's just go for it instead of hopping over to the drug store. So what results? The next morning, I immediately regret it. I think, Is this the time a pregnancy test will come out positive? I wonder when my last period was. When my next one should be. I wonder if I should get Plan B. I get mad at myself. Eventually later that week, I may buy a pregnancy test.

Is it bad that I'm this way? Yes and no. I've been in a relationship where my overcautious attitude annoyed my partner too much (read: he didn't want to use protection all the time) and we went our separate ways. I understand. I'm sure that it's easier to be with a woman who is on a birth control pill that she trusts and doesn't freak out after a spontaneous sexcapade. 

Still, I'd rather be too cautious. The right man and partner won't get angry with me about my mentality. I'd like to stick with the attitude that if my companion can't accept that I'm trying to do us both a favor, he and I don't need to have an intimate relationship in the first place.

Can you relate?


Image via plaits/Flickr

sex, sex confession


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1Step 1Step

While I do agree that anyone you get into a long term relationship with should be "GGG" about your fear... it's also irrational.  I think you should get counseling - talk to someone about it. Explore where this hang up came from.   I would understand using condoms due to fear of STD's - and fearing STD's even with a monogamous partner (read "trust issues").  But not just to prevent pregnancy - OVERKILL.   Also, you do know that Plan B is basically the exact same thing you are taking each and every month to prevent pregancy right?  It's a stronger dose, but it's basically just "the pill".  Seek help. Talk to someone. 

nonmember avatar NoWay

I went through this a few years ago, and decided that I was not with the right person. The thought of possibly having a baby with him scared the bejezus out of me to the point that I didn't even want to have sex with him anymore. (And I love sex). I already have two kids and was caring for them on my own, and I knew that I did not want to add another one to the mix with this person because I would still be on my own. I broke up with him and I am now married to a wonderful man. He had a vasectomy a few years ago and I still have my two kids to love. But I know if we were to have some really rare and obviously unplanned pregnancy, we would be ok and we will be there to support each other. So, maybe you need to evaluate who you are having sex with and why you are so terrified of getting pregnant.

Heath... Heathp721

Pills are not 100% even with perfect use. I was meticulous with taking yaz and not on anything that would interfere with it and I now have a 1 and a half year old son. I am on the nuva ring now but you better believe I will use condoms as well until I am married or I am with someone that I am positive I would be happy to raise a child with. 99% effective is not 100%.

nonmember avatar Severina9

I hear you. I was so terrified of getting pregnant that I didn't have sex without a condom until I was 30. And that was with my husband, while I was on the pill. I still worry, even though I traded the pill for an IUD. But we've given up on condoms (finally).

Angie... AngieHayes

Well if I was that afraid of something I just wouldn't do it.

Caera Caera

Her fear isn't irrational at all. She doesn't want to have a child. She knows the only 100% way to not have a child is not to have sex. Of course she's going to be freaked out when she does EXACTLY what she knows she shouldn't do to prevent what she DOESN'T want.

She doesn't need "help". She needs to get to a point where she could live with the consequences of an accident, or stop doing what will cause it.


sassy... sassykat122

1STEP... Since no birth control is 100% effective if a woman wants to double her chances of not getting pregnant why not use more than one kind of birth control? I know people who for health reasons do that very thing and they are happily married. ANGIE... Its called risk versus reward. However once married i can see a husband maybe having an issue with it.

PonyC... PonyChaser

"I wonder when my last period was. I wonder when my next period should be." How do you not know this, if you're on the pill? And how do you allow yourself to continue this way when the solution is right in front of your face, within your absolute control? The female body is not a mystery. Learn how it works. Figure out your schedule. I found a site online that is used primarily for family planning, but I use it just so I know when my period is: - Take Charge of Your Fertility. Literally.

Learn the signs your body gives, and you'll know when your period is coming. Figure it out. And then you WILL know, if you happen to skip the condom, if you might still be at risk. And seriously, if it's THIS big an anxiety attack each time? Maybe you need to stop having sex until you're ready to have an accident.

Julie Winkler

I agree with PonyChaser, it should not be a question of when it last happened and when it should next. Mark it on the calander everymonth, a pattern will be evident. 

nonmember avatar American Expat

It's simple, stop having sex! No sex, no pregnancy! Do I have to think of everything?

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