8 Dreaded Sexual Dry Spells That Are Totally Normal

Hot List 20

frustrated couple bedroomWe're constantly hearing how frequently people have sex and how what's normal for one couple may be totally freakish for another and vice-versa. But one thing seems to be true across the board -- researchers, women's mags, movies, TV all make seem like no one's ever having enough sex. Especially not married people who particularly after becoming parents might as well join a monastery! Pfft.

Meanwhile, the truth of the matter is that dry spells are a completely normal part of any long-term relationship. Of course, we'd all prefer to be having as much sex as we want all the time, but uh, let's get real here. Yet, no one seems to want to admit that they've gone for a period of time without sex due to certain life circumstances, dare they be accused of being in a relationship that's failing. But it's not necessarily a relationship death sentence.

Here, eight sex slumps that are normal, common, and couples survive all the time ...  

  1. You're still recovering from giving birth. Hormonal flux, physical recovery, caring for a newborn, and simply not being into the idea of sex again is one of the most common and easy to understand slumps we don't nearly give enough credit. 
  2. Work stress. Whether you and/or your partner are kicking ass or having your asses kicked on the job, crazy hours and/or lots of pressure to perform professionally can make it especially difficult to get to sex for a while.
  3. Conflicting work schedules. I know a couple married over 10 years who for over a year have worked completely opposite schedules. He's got a night shift, she's got a 9-5. Surely, there's at least an adjustment period for couples in this annoying boat!
  4. You have kids of certain varying ages. For instance, raising an infant and a toddler, which can take a sleep-sucking, exhaustive toll that leaves you wondering when the last time you showered was. When you're going to be able to squeeze in a quickie could be the last thing on your mind.
  5. Depression and anxiety. A bout of depression or anxiety -- whether its seasonal, chemical, environment-driven, etc. -- often translates directly to a dry spell, especially when SSRI meds that affect sex drive are involved.
  6. Birth control. Funny thing about how birth control works ...  Yeah, it effectively shuts down the ovaries, but it can also slash sex drive, and it can be months or even years until a woman can find the one that she feels most herself on. Even after going off the Rx, some women experience low sex drive, which is a direct effect of the pill's tendency to lower testosterone. (Which also can lead to fatigue, lethargy and moodiness. Awesome.)
  7. You're moving. We tend to underestimate the amount of time, energy, and difficulty associated with packing up tons of STUFF and moving it into another space. This can be a soul-sucking experience that also destroys one's sex life temporarily.
  8. You're planning a wedding. This naturally stressful experience can often involve a lot of conflicting personalities, money stress, hair-pulling-out over seating charts and ceremony music ... It's not unsurprising -- or strange -- if you're not interested in having sex during what some people will tell you is supposedly the most "exciting, romantic" times of your life.

What's another circumstance that pretty much lends itself to a sex slump? Do you think we need to be more honest about dry spells?

sex drive, sex, marriage


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Kaela Wheeler

Sickness. I get sick, then you get sick, then I get sick again...eventually we just had to get smart and institute a no touchy policy until the sicky has been well again for a few days. It's definitely cut down on the back and forth of colds, but the week or two week dry spell sure can suck!

Blues... Blueshark77

Low testosterone is the killer here. Shots only increased his anger level, they didn't increase his drive at all so he stopped getting them. We've only had sex once in the past 14 months.  He doesn't want to talk about it either because he finds it depressing, but I find the lack of sex depressing. I think he'd be fine without sex the rest of his life. Frustrating!!!

nonmember avatar Andi


nonmember avatar crosswind

and don't forget EXERCISE helps increase testosterone too, especially resistance/ weight bearing exercises.

nonmember avatar J. Golden

They forgot one...after a diagnosis of infertility, many couples go through a dry spell. It is completely normal. I guess that might fall under depression/anxiety, but I just wanted to put that out there.

jenni... jennifer2712

im very surpised that there was no mention of medical reasons on the list.  I had some issues with ovarian cysts that made sex so painful, so we stopped till it was resolved.  the thing about sex is when you stop having it you get used to not having it.   it took a while and a lot of work to get back into the swing of things.


blueshark77- you can ignore the elephant in the room but it will still be there, try and get him to therapy at least. that is too long to go and can cause a lot of damage


the4m... the4mutts

2 times in our 5 year relationship, we didnt have sex for about 2 months. Why? We just didnt feel the need. Our levels of other intimacy were satisfying enough for the both of us at times. When it was no longer enough, we resumed having sex.

People put too much pressure on themselves to have an active sex life, because thats what everyone thinks defines intimacy. I would never have sex if I wasnt in the mood, and no real man would want me to. My s/o and I are mostly in sync with our drive, and we very rarely ever have a frequency of sex complaint.

nonmember avatar T. Brown

I get really confused when she says she's not into sex like that anymore but wonders why I don't touch her, then when I try it with her, she will either stay in one position or tell me to hurry up. I'll take one escort a week thank you.

nonmember avatar Jen

T.Brown, if you were a real man, you would tell her to put out or walk out, you wouldn't go behind her back like a coward. No wonder she doesn't want you to touch her, you sound like a little b!tc*.

becky... beckyaj110

You forgot to add during pregnancy either because morning sickness is too horrible to even think about sex or because the dr says you cant due to complications. Hubby is currently away training for the Army so obviously were not having sex but even if he was home Im 28 weeks pregnant and on strict bedrest so sex wouldn't be an option.

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