Hey, ladies, did you know that men have a secret weapon to keep you from cheating? It's not a wedding ring. Nor is it a chastity belt. It involves his tongue -- and your privates. Yes, I'm talkin' 'bout oral sex. Since there is no real reason for men to perform oral sex -- it doesn't help with procreation after all -- scientists have apparently been hard at work trying to discover exactly why men do it. And they think they've found the reason. Men use cunnilingus as a way to keep you from stepping out on them! Hmmm. Gotta wonder about this. If true, why aren't more men better at it? Haha.

The new study, which must have been quite a doozy to work on, determined that men who go downtown are likely to use it as a "male retention tactic" to keep you from finding sexual bliss in someone else's sheets.

Getting a good tongue lashing from your man will apparently increase your sexual satisfaction -- and hence your loyalty. It had previously been thought that a little lappy is more likely to result in orgasm, and a female orgasm has been theorized as a mechanism to increase fertility. If a female orgasms, she's apparently more likely to retain sperm and then get pregnant. Buuuuuuut if that theory was correct, that meant men would getting lippy with it AFTER the guy has fired off his sperm rocket. Ewww. Who does that?!

But the study concluded that oral sex really had nothing to do with trying to get a female pregnant -- it had more to do with keeping her happy. Aww, that's nice, guys.

The study also sounds suspiciously like it concludes that less desirable men are more likely to muff dive, saying:

Men at greater recurrent risk of sperm competition are more likely to perform cunnilingus on their partner until she achieves orgasm.

I'm thinking "recurrent sperm competition" is another way of saying guys who would normally have a problem holding on to their ladies because of lack of looks or assets or something else. Have you ever felt like the less desirable dudes are more likely to want to cunni your lingus?

I have to agree with this study. If a guy doesn't ever want to take the downtown train, I'd tell him to take the next train out.

Does your man like a little oral persuasion?


Image via Terence S Jones/Flickr