Dating Two Men at Once Feels So Right -- But Is It Wrong?

heartI don't want to be in a committed relationship right now. After getting out of a horrible one earlier this year, the last thing I'm looking to do is to settle back down. Of course, in the beautiful way that life always magically works out, now is the time when I've met a handsome, driven man who could be really, really great for me. The catch? Well, I've met two of them. Yes -- I'm dating two men. Separately, of course.

Nice dinners, movies, brunches, sports bars, clubs ... we've done 'em all. I know. It sounds bad. But listen, I'm single. Just because we've been on three or four dates, does that mean that I'm supposed to close off my other options? I know if the tables were turned and I found out one of them was seeing someone else, it would bother me for sure. But as someone who was so completely selfless for so long, I contemplate if I've earned the chance at being selfish -- if just for now.

But I confess: The things I'm learning from this multi-man situation are amazing me.

These two men, they're different in so many ways. There are things about both of them that I admire, qualities that I could do without, but I find myself so thankful every time I'm with either of them -- knowing that they genuinely enjoy my company like I enjoy theirs. That is why I've had a hard time choosing just one. Not only because I haven't been forced to, but because I enjoy seeing them both, separately.

So what have I learned? Well, since I'm not focused on one person, I'm not constantly wondering about what they're doing or where they are. Whereas I would usually be annoyed if a day or two goes by and we don't speak -- in my current situation, it doesn't faze me as much. I find that because I'm not giving either man too much attention, the interactions that we do have are more pleasant. I find that since I'm not obsessing over the scenarios, my mentality is better. Since I have no expectations, I'm not getting let down. My confidence is better when I'm out. I feel happier.

I'll be honest: It won't last for much longer. I firmly believe there's only so long you can go dating a person before you do have that "what are we doing here" kind of talk. As a girl who doesn't want a steady commitment right now, who knows, maybe I'll lose them both. But for now, for the time being, I can safely say that whether or not it's the right move -- dating two men simultaneously has been good for me.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Do you think it's wrong?


Image via Neal./Flickr



To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Sammy... SammyMama

Heck no, there's nothing wrong with it!  As long as no one is being deceived (ie they don't think you're in an exclusive relationship), then why not?  That's what "dating" is all about.  Have fun!

nonmember avatar mel

It seems like you still have issues within yourself from your previous relationships/childhood. You acknowledge being "selfless" for so long you want to be "selfish" . I don't think that's a healthy healed way of thinking/behaving. I understand you have pains from trying, and trying. Obviously to end up single. But no one, including yourself truly benefits from selfish behavior. Selfish behavior comes from pain, not love. It sounds like you need some healing and find some deep love foryourself, and others. Just because others don't respect and love you the ways you want.. doesn't mean you get to behave that way. Its about rising above the childish behaviors and being the adult. You said yourself you wouldn't be happy if it was flipped. I think you know deep down... your in pain and your ignoring it. So others will have to deal with it. Like the two men your dating. They get to go through pain when they learn the truth, all because you chose to ignore how your actions matter. If you don't deal with your own pain, you will get it out and usually it will be at others. I'm sure you've seen that in past failed relationships. I think you know what your doing isn't fully honest. It isn t fully honoring yourself and your spirit. It isn't treating your mind body and soul with true love and respect. You aren't treating others with full honesty and respect. You are trying to heal hurts through more pains. Get help, get healing.

nonmember avatar blue

No, I don't think it's wrong. I personally think it's a bit stupid, but to each their own.

nonmember avatar Dayton

I'm with SammyMama!! As long as EVERYONE knows whats going on then what's wrong with it? There is no rule that says you always have to date one person at at a time. Now, if you haven't told both of the gentlemen in question, then yes you're wrong. But as long as you're not deceiving anyone then you're good.

kckcm2 kckcm2

Jeebus Mel, part of healing and finding self love is learning how to be a little selfish. Self love comes from recognizing you have needs. Making mistakesandchanges are also a part of healing. You can't learn to be selfless again until you want to be, sometimes that deff means purging some selfishness.

JLyn Per

Well , really you are in a get to meet them dates, so there is noothing wrong with that.. Just be clear to them that you are getting to know them and dont want still anything serious !!!


tbruc... tbrucemom

If they both know, there's no harm. I get the feeling that they don't.  I think if you start having sex with one of them you need to make a choice.

nonmember avatar Dan

There absolutely is EVERYTHING wrong with it. Sorry, but you're a selfish p.o.s. Do you have any morals? You said it yourself that you wouldn't want a guy doing this to you, right?????? Well, I guess you answered your own question then. I had a girl do this to me, I caught on, told the other guy, and she's been miserable ever since. I could forgive the first month, after meeting a girl. After that, and hanging out with her 4 days a week for two months straight (even if we're not "official"), sorry, you're now a ho who's dating two guys. Just face it, it's wrong. Girls always LOVE to use the "well we're not official" line. It's BUllS**T. You're kidding yourself. Do unto others, remember? You women always like to have one set of rules for guys, and another set of rules for yourselves. The thing you aren't realizing as of late, is that a lot of men are simply done with your childish ways, and are going their own way. Date ONE person at a time, and GROW UP.

nonmember avatar Vee

Be safe, truthful and honest. Have a great time! !

1-8 of 8 comments